Far From Over
by Cress
Summary: Set in a hypothetical season 4. Michael:GOB incest and George Michael:Maeby cousin love.
1. Free at Last

**This story reflects my belief that there's plenty more to the Bluth family saga; I disagree with those who say that the show had reached its creative end, and that there's no more story to tell. I don't think it's greedy to want more, or that asking for five seasons was tantamount to asking the show to drag on forever and deteriorate into crap.**

**At **perrynqa**'s suggestion, I'm omitting narration this time and cutting down on the flashback clips. I'll start near the end of the series finale, and will contradict the "epilogue" scenes somewhat. (But the tag scenes are often not part of the continuity anyway). Also, when Buster jumps off the Queen Mary, there's a small fishing boat close by, so a rescue isn't so unlikely. I will correct some people's ages that don't make sense, like George Michael's. He just had a birthday, and Michael even said in _The Ocean Walker_ that George Michael was 16.**

* * *

Michael and his son were somewhat confused when they noticed the _Queen Mary_ steaming past their yacht, and heard the police ordering Lucille to pull aside and "step away from the historic ship."

Hearing his mother's name, Michael realized that the S.E.C. were after her now, so they too must have found out lately that she was the real mastermind behind all the crooked company schemes and financial fraud.

As the guys watched the ship go by, Michael commented, "I think Gangee's trying to make a break for it."

George Michael reached for a lever and said, "Well, I guess we should go back. Family sticks together, huh?"

"Yeah," Michael didn't sound eager for that reunion, and he took George Michael's hand off the lever. "On the other hand, we do have a full tank of gas, a house in Cabo, and 500 grand in cashier's checks. What say we give them no choice but to keep themselves all together for a while?"

He did not wait for George Michael to reply, simply moving him aside on the seat and taking the controls of the yacht.

George Michael frowned and asked, "Wait, what do you mean a house in Cabo? And what--?"

Michael did not hear him, nor answer, because the yacht was rocked by big waves from the _Queen Mary_ again. He swerved away and began steering through the crowd of police boats.

George Michael decided not to distract his father just now, though he remained puzzled by what Michael had said. He did understand in general his father's sudden impulse to abandon the family; Michael had made the threat many times, and had even driven away repeatedly, only to turn around again.

Meanwhile, on the top deck of the yacht, George Sr. was hiding inside the Aztec Tomb. Given all the commotion, he tentatively raised his head to peak out, and he had GOB's puppet on his hand.

"Is it safe to come out yet?" George asked. He'd been hiding there since before George Michael's fight with GOB.

Franklin answered, "No, lay low! There's fuzz everywhere!"

"But they're after Lucille." He felt a twinge of concern for his wife, whom he had taken the blame for all along.

Franklin didn't care. "So what? You wanted to leave that old bitch anyway. Let her rot in jail this time!"

"That's my wife!" George Sr. protested, but he did see Franklin's point about jail. "But where are we going now? I thought Michael was going to dock the yacht and take George Michael with him."

"They probably want to get away from the cops first."

"Yeah, but they better hurry up and go home. I wanna leave for Cabo soon." He wouldn't have worried so much, if he knew Michael's intended destination.

Suddenly, another sizeable wave rocked the boat, making George Sr. hit his head on the door; he got knocked out, falling back inside the box with Franklin.

The police boats didn't stop the _C-Word_ from leaving the harbor, nor did they notice Buster, facing down the very seal that bit off his hand. It even still had the yellow bow-tie. Buster hurriedly tried to remember his army training to help him fight the animal off, but he still felt frightened. "No! Get away! Ugh!"

Luckily, though, Buster's flailing and screaming attracted the attention of a man in a nearby boat. He turned around and rowed closer, yelling to Buster, "Hey, hey! Calm down! That's a seal, not a shark!"

"I know that!" Buster replied. "It bit off my hand! And--and I lost my glasses."

The fisherman noticed Buster's hook then and worried that his wild flailing would cause him to injure himself or puncture his water wings and life vest. So the guy forced the seal away with his paddle and then pulled Buster up into his boat. "You all right?"

"Yeah." Buster caught his breath and shivered. "Thank you so much! That was close!" He nervously watched the seal bark menacingly from the water before it disappeared again. "Wow, I can't believe it's still alive, after losing its left flipper."

"What do you mean? You know that seal?"

Buster told him the story, and how he recognized the seal. The guy listened to him rather skeptically, wondering if perhaps Buster was lying or babbling nonsense because of his trauma. He rowed the boat to shore, and commented, "Well, that's almost as unbelievable as what's happening right now. All these police boats coming out of nowhere, and the _Queen Mary_ breaking away from the dock..."

"Oh that's my mother Lucille, trying to get away from the S.E.C. I jumped off the ship when it started to move."

The fisherman looked amazed, and decided to hear out Buster's whole story while they rowed to shore.

* * *

Later, after the _C-Word_ left Long Beach Harbor and headed southward, George Michael resumed questioning his father.

"Hey, Dad, what did you mean when you said that we have a house in Cabo? What house?"

Michael turned to him and answered, "Oh didn't I mention it to you? Your Pop-Pop told me that he built a house in Cabo, in case of an emergency. (Boy, I wish he'd gone there instead of coming back to hide in our attic!) Anyway, I figure that we can go find the house and stay there for a while. It should be easy to spot, and probably look just like our model home."

"In Cabo? But isn't that in Mexico?"

"Yeah, Cabo San Lucas. Hey, can you look and see if we've got any maps of Baja, so that we can plot our course?"

"You're serious, Dad? You mean we're leaving the country? Just--just like that?"

"Yeah. What's the matter, George Michael? Don't you wanna finally get away from the family, and get over Maeby? I mean, just this week you told me that you wanted to leave town."

"Yeah, but I meant, like, leave the state. You know, move to Arizona like you talked about before. But what are we gonna do in Mexico, Dad? What about your job? What about school? I don't speak Spanish, and I-I don't have my transcripts--"

"Hey, hey, buddy! Calm down, okay? School's out for the summer. Think of this as our summer vacation, the vacation that we should have taken a long time ago from that nuthouse. Don't worry. We can come back in a couple of months, you know, in plenty of time for your senior year."

"Oh. Oh, okay." George Michael looked relieved. "So you don't mean forever. You just mean for a while."

"Yeah, that's what I said." Michael put an arm around him. "I just want you and me to finally relax and recuperate from these past three years. Let them stay and deal with Gangee's arrest. We should just worry about ourselves for once."

"Yeah, I guess so. We could use the break, huh?"

"Exactly. This is our big break. We're gonna finally have some fun and make time for each other. I promise I won't even work in Cabo. We'll just live at Pop-Pop's house and spend these cashier's checks." He patted his coat pocket.

George Michael asked, "Wait, cashier's checks? When did you get cashier's checks, Dad? You were already planning to leave?"

Michael shook his head and handed the checks to George Michael. "No, actually, this is kind of our lucky break, pal. You see, everyone was threatening to cash out their Bluth company stock, so Gangee said that we should bribe them into signing a paper not to sell their stock for ten years. You know how greedy the family is; they'll do anything for cold hard cash."

George Michael looked over the checks and gasped. "This is really $500,000. You really meant 500 grand!"

"Yep," Michael grinned. "And we'll get to keep it all to ourselves now."

"Keep it? But--but isn't this wrong, Dad? We can't spend this money."

"Well, I'm not giving this back to the family! They'd just piss it all away."

"No, but it's the company money. It says right on the check, 'Bluth Company'."

Michael said, "No, no, that's just the remitter information. See, with a cashier's check, the bank is the issuer, because I already paid them the money upfront."

"But you paid them from the company account, right? With the corporate checkbook? I mean, it's half a million dollars!"

Sometimes Michael wished that his son didn't have to act like such a nagging conscience. "Come on, George Michael! I worked at the company for over 10 years, and we made so many sacrifices. Then we had to save the company and keep that crazy family together for the past three years. Don't you think we deserve half a million for all our trouble? It's only quarter of what my company stock's worth."

"But you were the one telling everybody not to cash out their stock! I mean, we don't even need this much money, Dad, and besides, what will happen to the company while we're gone? Whoever takes over as president will have to deal with all legal trouble with Gangee, and then he or she's gonna found out that half a million is missing from the accounts. Somebody will get into trouble, or fired. Maybe they'll even shut down the whole company and put everybody out of work. I don't want the employees to lose their jobs."

Michael whined, "But there's already so much missing money, who would notice $500,000?"

"Dad."

Michael sighed and gave in, reluctantly agreeing that he didn't want to become an embezzler and thief like the rest of his family. "All right, fine. We won't spend these checks. But what are we gonna do with them, huh? If I mail them back, then GOB, Lindsay, and everybody will just cash the checks anyway and spend them."

"But can't you rip them up or stop payment or something?"

Michael said, "All right, fine. I guess I can try to get the bank refund the money back to the Bluth company account. But we'll have to do it secretly. We're not getting involved again, okay?"

"Okay." George Michael felt a little better now about leaving.

Michael reconsidered their assets. "Well I guess we're gonna need some other money in Cabo, then. Hmm, maybe we should stop at a bank here first and withdraw the money out of my account first. My personal account," he emphasized.

"Sure, and maybe we should stop at the house too, and pack some stuff for Cabo."

"Do you really want to go back to the model home? We might run into somebody there and get sucked in again."

"Come on, Dad. They wouldn't stop us." He pointed to Michael's tuxedo. "Don't you need a change of clothes, at least? And don't we need our passports, or anything? You said that we should get a map of Baja, and do you even know how to sail that far?"

Michael shrugged, thinking that he could figure it out, despite not having Buster's cartography lessons. As for clothes, well, they could buy that in Mexico surely, or borrow whatever GOB had left behind... But Michael frowned, not liking the idea of wearing GOB's clothes, especially if they included his stripper pants. So Michael said slowly, "Well, I guess if we're already making a stop at a bank... and since Newport's on the way to Mexico..."

"Yeah, it wouldn't take long to run to the house and pack something."

"Right, and I guess the whole family is gonna be tied up until the police manage to pull over the _Queen Mary_, so we could risk it. Okay, here's the plan: we'll dock at Newport Beach, take care of business, and drop by the model home for a few minutes. But that's it. No hanging out, no answering phones, and no listening to messages. We've gotta escape them once and for all."

George Michael nodded, but asked, "Once and for all? But we're still coming back, right? In two months?"

"What? Oh, yeah. I just--I just meant that, once and for all, we've gotta teach them a lesson, and leave them on their own for longer than a day. Let them spend the whole summer wondering where we are and if we're ever gonna come back. Then they might actually grow up and learn how to fend for themselves."

"I-I guess so." George Michael felt uncertain, though, about leaving Maeby in that suspense for so long. Should he leave a note for her? But would that mess up the whole teaching them a lesson? More importantly, would Maeby even care about his absence, or miss him?

Michael continued speculating about the future, "And you know, maybe when we come back, they won't even need us anymore. That would be a huge relief, wouldn't it?" Michael remembered feeling hurt and disappointed when the family seemed not to need him right after George Sr.'s first escape from prison, but that false success soon fell apart. Michael now felt that he didn't need his family's neediness anymore, and he longed for freedom.

George Michael on the other hand, longed for Maeby. Intellectually, he knew that his father was right; blood-related or not, they were still family. But emotionally, none of his love had faded yet.

Noticing his son's silence, Michael asked, "Are you okay, buddy?"

He sighed and frowned. "Yeah, it's just—just hard leaving right now."

Michael said, "I know that you might miss some of them, and it's gonna feel lonely for a while, but trust me, we're better off this way. You don't wanna keep dealing with all of them now, do you? Especially since you're mad at GOB right now."

George Michael shook his head. "No, no . I-I don't think I could hang out with GOB anymore, and trust him."

"I know, buddy. I understand." GOB had thoughtlessly betrayed Michael several times over the years. "Listen, after we get back from Cabo, if you still don't feel comfortable being around GOB or Maeby, then we don't have to stick around. We could just pack up anything that we left behind, say goodbye, and move to Arizona, like you wanted. I'd take the job with Sitwell Housing, and you could enroll in a new school. We could start all over and finally live a normal, sane life, you know?"

"Yeah, yeah I guess so." George Michael loved Maeby too much to think that he'd be over her in only a couple of months time. It would be painful to be near her, especially if she had moved on already with someone else, or with her big movie exec career. She would outgrow him too, he feared.

"Sure." Michael smiled at the thought of their vacation leading to permanent freedom. "It'll be just you and me, Bluth boys again."

"Yeah."

"Atta boy." He squeezed George Michael's shoulder paternally, as he imagined their future together. Then he let go of the yacht's controls and asked, "Hey, buddy, you know the way back to Newport Beach, right? Can you take over steering for a while? I want to check something upstairs."

"Okay."

Michael got up and undid his tie, tossing it and his tuxedo jacket aside on the nearby couch. Then he climbed the stairs at the back of the yacht and looked around the upper deck. Like he figured, GOB had already moved a lot of his magic props to the yacht, including the Aztec Tomb. Michael moved the trunk next to it, then began searching for GOB's clothes in the cabinets; he wanted to pack and get rid of them quickly once they docked in Newport. But he soon found a suitcase of Ann's stuff as well.

Michael looked disgusted, and wondered if GOB had actually slept with that underage girl yet, or if she had held firm against secular temptation. But surely moving in with him was pretty damn close to living in sin, wasn't it? Why did GOB have to continually test the limits of the statutory rape laws? Being a pimp, and seducing college girls on Spring Break wasn't enough for him?

Shaking his head, Michael closed the suitcase and placed it on the magic trunk. He regretted not figuring out the identity of GOB's girlfriend before, when he found him on the yacht earlier, but GOB had only spoken vaguely about how he really needed the yacht, because his girlfriend was going to move in soon.

_"Your girlfriend is going to live with you on a boat named the _C-Word?"

_"Yeah, I told her that it stands for the Christ-word, or the Cross-word, or something like that."_

_"I think she'll have plenty of cross words for you when she figures it out." He turned and left._

In hindsight, Michael really ought to have picked up on the clues, especially given GOB's speech about third place beauty contestants, but Michael had not paid attention, being too wrapped up in his work, and his own girlfriend Rita. Also, he had wanted to believe in his heart that GOB would never hurt family like that, and that he'd grown close enough to his nephew to feel some kind of loyalty. After all, they had bonded over magic during Spring Break. But no, GOB really did sink that low.

Michael sighed and sat down. GOB always found new ways to disappoint him. Why was he even surprised anymore? GOB only really came through for Michael when they taught their father a lesson for the _Boyfights_, but clearly that didn't stop GOB from being selfish and horny, or wanting to sell off his company stock to Sitwell.

Well, Michael wouldn't have to deal with his needy, greedy brother anymore. He would be free at last. No more fighting over the presidency, no more CDs dedicated to him, and no more incestuous sexual harrassment. (In fact, when everyone kept appearing in his bed this past week, Michael became paranoid that he might soon wake up with GOB too, so for a couple nights, he decided to work late and sleep on the couch at the office. It allowed George Michael to sleep in the master bedroom, to get away from Maeby, but Michael did not tell him yet about Lindsay being adopted.)

Hopefully, George Michael would get over his cousin soon, if not in Cabo, then in Arizona. Finally, Michael was doing the right thing for his son; they would have a great summer vacation, and leave the whole burdensome family behind. Yes, Phoenix was the perfect place for them to start fresh. They would be like phoenixes, too, rising from the ashes of their old life, and coming out stronger and better for the change.

Michael was still congratulating himself for this metaphor, when he opened up the Aztec Tomb and found a surprise inside.

"Franklin? Dad!" Damn! He jinxed it.


	2. Embezzlement, Bribery, and Conspiracy

**In real life, California law does allow cousins to marry each other. However, in the _Ocean Walker_ episode, George Michael claims that it isn't legal in their state. So I'm going to stay consistent with the AD universe, and treat cousin marriage as illegal in this story.**

**Anyway, I believe that Maeby has a cell phone because of her movie studio job and I've seen her using it, and George Michael apparently has one too. He used it in _Spring Breakout_. I've now fixed that.**

* * *

Michael shook George Sr. awake. "Dad? Dad? No wait a minute, Dad was at the party on the _Queen Mary_. This must be Oscar. I wonder what Dad did to him. Uncle Oscar? Oscar?"

"I'm not Oscar! I'm George!"

"What? But Dad, you were at the party on the ship. How could you sneak aboard here so fast, and change your clothes?"

George Sr. sat up and put Franklin aside. "No that was Oscar at the party, not me! His hair hasn't grown back yet since the last time I shaved him." George Sr. smirked at his own cleverness. "I convinced Oscar that he could trust me now, since all the charges against me were dropped. He was pretty high too, and couldn't resist the offer of free shrimp. By the way, how was the party?"

Michael ignored the question and sat down again, stunned by his father pulling yet another switch. "But why, Dad? Did you know about the S.E.C. going after Mom? Did you turn her in to get the charges dropped against you?"

"No, no! I wouldn't do that to her, Michael. I took the heat for her for three years. No, this is what I told you the other day, about cashing out and getting away to Cabo. When Lucille mentioned to me that GOB had bought a new yacht, I decided to steal it and sneak off while everyone was busy at the party. I would have been gone already, except for this whole complication with George Michael taking the yacht."

"Complication?" Michael asked. "You mean you were here already when he punched GOB? Why didn't you do anything about it, then? Why didn't you say anything or stop George Michael from taking the yacht?"

"Well I figured that he was just going to see you, and that you would handle it better, Michael. Me, I never liked that girlfriend of his."

Neither did Michael, but she seemed the only viable option other than Maeby. He sighed. "I can't believe that GOB was dating her all this time."

"I didn't even recognize her at first when she moved in with her stuff today. She looked so different and kept telling GOB how brave he was to perform his Christian magic act in Iraq."

Michael scoffed, "Did she not see how he screwed it up and got arrested?"

"Yeah, but he told her that he escaped and got the charges dropped against me." George Sr. rolled his eyes and shrugged. "Anyway, when George Michael took the yacht and headed north, I figured that he was going to meet you at Long Beach, for the party. Then I'd have the yacht to myself." He climbed out of the Aztec Tomb and looked to the horizon. "So are we heading to Newport right now? Can you take George Michael home, please, and let me leave for Cabo before it gets dark?"

"No, Dad, you can't take the yacht. We need it. We're going to Cabo."

"What?" He sat down too.

"George Michael and I were going to get some cash, pack our stuff from the model home, then go to Cabo."

"Ha, well look at that!" George Sr. grinned. "Great minds think alike I guess. It's not a bad idea. Us Bluth boys living it up down in Cabo. We could have some great parties, and even get your boy a girlfriend to pop his cherry."

"Dad!"

"Come on, Michael. It's time. How old is he, 17?"

"Sixteen." Michael had misspoken before, having forgotten to add in George Michael's recent birthday.

"Whatever. Trust me, you don't want him to wait as long as you did, Michael. Then he'll just marry the first girl that he gets pregnant."

"That's not a bad thing, if he loves her!" Michael was annoyed that his family believed that he only married Tracy because he knocked her up. "Besides, I don't think George Michael's ready yet, and he really shouldn't rush into anything now. He's just getting over a huge... complicated mess."

"What, her? Because even with GOB's makeover, that girl's--" George Sr. shook his head and made a face, indicating that he still thought her bland.

"No, I mean Maeby."

"What?"

"Yeah, his own cousin. He told me that he's made out with her. And more." Michael should have actually known this before too, because George Michael had tried to tell him about his crush repeatedly. Michael had a tendency, though, to tune out what he couldn't deal with.

"Whoa. Well, at least she's not--" George Sr. stopped when he realized what he was saying.

"Not his real cousin? Because Lindsay's adopted? Yeah I found that out, no thanks to you. Why couldn't you just tell me all this when I asked you about Nellie?"

"Because it's a secret. And if I told you, you might tell Lindsay, and break her heart. She's still my little girl."

"Well I got news for you, Dad. She already knows. She's the one that told me."

"What? Oh no! This is terrible!"

"Yeah, so that's why George Michael and I need to leave, Dad. We need to get away from the family right now. I mean, you were right about Mom being the queen; she kept manipulating me and making me compromise my principles, and I can't do that anymore, especially not with my son. I have to think about his needs and do right by him. We've gotta leave and start over. Just the two of us." He looked at George Sr. significantly and hoped that he would get the drift.

"You mean you don't want me to come along?"

"Come on, why do you have to go to Cabo? You're not a fugitive anymore, Dad. Isn't there anywhere else you could retire?"

"Well maybe, but now I'm worried that the prosecution might try to make me testify against your mother."

"I don't think they can force you to do that, Dad."

"They can't? Oh, but I still want to hide out from Kitty, in case she comes back demanding a baby or revenge."

"She doesn't know about your house in Cabo?"

"No. Never tell crazy all your secret hiding places. But listen, I could help you out in Cabo. You don't know where the house is."

"I think I could find it, Dad, if it looks just like the model home."

George Sr. continued, "Well, I've got money too. You guys don't need to stop for cash, because I've already got a bundle with me. $300,000."

Michael looked confused. "You do?"

"Yeah. I had to be sneaky about it, though, because I didn't want to tip off Lucille that I was leaving. So I couldn't sell off all my shares, just 15 percent."

_Earlier in the week, George Sr. pretended to be Oscar and met with Stan Sitwell. He explained, "So my brother decided that he would give me some of his company stock, you know, to apologize for switching places with me..."_

_"And for letting you rot in prison for months?" Sitwell asked._

_"Yeah, and then I heard that you were buying up shares, and I really need some cash."_

_Sitwell smiled. "I think I can help you out with that."_

Michael was shocked by this news. "You sold your stock to him? I thought you hated Stan Sitwell."

"I do, but I got a great price out of him, 'cause he felt sorry for poor old Oscar." George Sr. laughed. "I really stuck it to Sitwell!"

_However, George Sr. didn't fool Sitwell after all. As soon as "Oscar" took his check and left, Sitwell told his secretary, "Have that table dusted for fingerprints. We'll see if Oscar is really Oscar."_

_"You mean you think that was George Bluth?"_

_"Yeah. I noticed that his fingers didn't look like they had the prints burned off."_

_"But why would George sell you his stock?"_

_"My guess is that he wants to get some quick cash while keeping it a secret from that wife of his. That means he might be making an escape again--and Lindsay will be without a daddy soon." Then Sitwell smiled a scheming smile. "Move up Lindsay's appointment. I've got news for her."_

* * *

While Michael reluctantly considered whether to let his father join in their escape, in exchange for part of his cash, George Michael sat at the steering wheel and strained to overhear the conversation above him. Apparently, Pop-Pop had somehow got on board and wanted to go to Cabo too.

As they neared Newport Beach, George Michael missed Maeby even more and wished that he could still be with her somehow. He kept wistfully thinking about what might have been.

He and Maeby were married too. George Michael hadn't confessed that part to his father yet, but it felt like a sign that they should be together, and now after finding out that they weren't blood-related, it made the temptation all the more strong. He also recalled that his passport at home was actually the fake one that GOB had made for him, in French.

Then George Michael thought of GOB angrily and couldn't believe that his uncle would date his ex-girlfriend. This was even worse than when he thought that GOB slept with Beth Baerly, his teacher. He had wanted to get revenge on GOB then, only to learn that his father had lied and slept with her himself. It was all a misunderstanding because of what Lindsay said, but it was still painful going through it.

And now, for GOB to really be guilty, with his actual ex-girlfriend--George Michael didn't know if he could ever forgive his uncle for being so treacherous and sleazy. It was a shame, because George Michael had really liked GOB, but now all he could think about was the betrayal. So maybe Michael was right, and they couldn't go back to see the family. They had to get away for good.

* * *

On the _Queen Mary_, Maeby was missing George Michael too. While the ship lurched and rocked, she sat clutching her clipboard full of signatures and wondering if she would have to include this crisis in her TV series too. It would require a disaster-movie type of budget.

No one would leave her alone with her thoughts, though. Annyong aka Hel-loh was still onboard, and asking her if she'd like to kiss again, which of course reminded Maeby of kissing George Michael. "Are you kidding me? After you turned in Gangee?" Not that she really cared about Annyong being a mole; she was selling out the Bluths too. She just couldn't take another inappropriate relationship with a relative.

Annyong said, "I had to, for my grandfather's honor. But you want to divorce parents, don't you?" He remembered her attempt to emancipate herself. "You come with me. I take you away from them."

"And live in Korea? No thanks."

"But maybe we stay here. FBI pay me money--"

"Go away! I don't like you."

Annyong looked hurt, and said, "I can't go while ship moving." Then he sadly got up and walked over to eat some free shrimp.

Then Lindsay and Stan Sitwell walked by, as he explained his deal with Lucille.

"So you--you bought me from her?" Lindsay considered whether she should be offended by this.

"No, no! I bought the company from her, but the S.E.C. is probably going to freeze all deals anyway while their new investigation is on. But that doesn't matter, Lindsay. I still want to be your father, and you said you were happy not to be a Bluth."

Maeby looked up at this, whispering "Not a Bluth?" to herself.

Sitwell continued, "So would you consider being a Sitwell instead? Even if the Bluth company goes under, I don't want you to have to worry about money. I can take care of you and your family. Wouldn't you like that?"

"I don't know. It would be weird, and I already have a father."

Sitwell pointed out, "But he's not here, is he? He sent Oscar to take his place."

Lindsay sighed and admitted sadly, "Yeah, I guess he did abandon us again. But--but seriously, aren't I too old to be adopted?"

Sitwell laughed. "It doesn't matter. We could just try it and see how you feel. You could hang out with Sally and me, and we can celebrate your birthday together."

"Oh God," Lindsay groaned, "I don't need reminders that I'm three years older than I thought I was."

"What if we pretend that you're just 37, then?"

"35."

"Deal." They shook on it, then he turned to Maeby. "Now introduce me to your daughter here."

"Oh, Maeby." Lindsay had only just noticed her. "Yeah, this is Stan Sitwell. He's, uh, he's going to be helping us out now that Gangee's going to jail."

"Pleased to meet you, Maeby. You're a lovely young woman--"

"Yeah, yeah, skip it," she answered brusquely. "What were you saying about my mom not being a Bluth?"

Sitwell looked to Lindsay for approval, and Lindsay shrugged, so he said, "Well, your mother here was actually adopted by the Bluths when she was three--" Lindsay coughed, so he corrected himself, "--when she was a baby. Her name was Nellie then, and my wife and I had wanted her too."

Maeby was stunned by his revelation, and she realized that Michael had made reference to this adoption during his speech to the investors. "My sister Lindsay--yes, she is my sister, no matter what any piece of paper says." Maeby should have paid attention, but at the time she had been distracted by wondering where George Michael was. Did he skip attending his father's big event just to avoid awkwardness with her? She wondered whether she was going to trick him into signing away the rights to his story too, but maybe that would be too callous even for her. Maybe she'd settle for getting Steve Holt's signature instead, the next time that she saw him. One cousin for another.

Sitwell tried chatting with her in a friendly way, but Maeby got up and spoke urgently, "George Michael. Where's George Michael?" He wasn't her cousin after all. She wasn't a Bluth.

"Oh, Michael went off after him. He was on GOB's yacht I think."

So Maeby then went in search of GOB to ask him what was going on. GOB told her about the confrontation on his yacht, and Maeby responded incredulously, "You mean you were dating that No-Face? Ugh!" She was half disgusted with her uncle and half glad that he took her away from George Michael, because Maeby was sick of her.

GOB said, "Hey, she won third place in the pageant!"

Maeby just walked away and called George Michael on her cell phone, hoping that she could get a signal out here. She also stepped toward the observation telescopes, so that she could look around the harbor.

George Michael heard his cell phone ringing but remembered his father insisting that they shouldn't answer any phone calls. However, curiosity got the better of him, and when he looked at the caller ID, he couldn't resist answering. He needed to hear her voice again. "Hi, Maeby. Are you are all right?"

"Yeah, but I'm stuck on this stupid boat! Are you still on GOB's yacht? I can't see you in the harbor."

"Um, well, we're not there now. I'm actually on my way home with my dad." He didn't know whether he should add the part about abandoning the family.

"Oh, good." She was worried. Then she burst out with her news. "We're not related."

"Yeah, I know. My dad just told me about aunt Lindsay."

"Great. Look, I'll come home as soon as I can get off this (bleep)ing ship. Will you wait up for me?"

"But I-I can't," he replied sadly. "We're not staying, Maeby. We're just going home to pack, and then my dad's, uh, taking me to Cabo for the summer." Should he mention Arizona too?

"What? Why?"

"Well, uh, he wants to abandon the family again. You know, 'cause of Gangee's arrest, and uh, you and me. I told him about us, and he thinks it's better if we just... move on now, while we have the chance."

"Move on? You mean run away and hide, like Pop-Pop? And I thought your dad knows that we're not related?"

"Yeah, but we're still family."

"No, we're not!" Maeby was becoming angry and outraged.

Just then, Michael came downstairs to tell his son about Pop-Pop sneaking on board, and he overheard their conversation.

"But, Maeby, it's still wrong, and we--"

"George Michael! I told you not to answer any calls." He took the phone from his son, and asked, "What did you tell her?"

However, Maeby started yelling at him loudly. "You bastard! How can you do this to us? We just found out the truth--"

"Maeby, calm down. This is for the best. You're just 16--"

"I'm not a kid! I have a car and a job, and I bet I make more money than you do!"

"A car and a job?"

"Yeah, like you haven't read the papers!" Maeby's exposure at her studio job had been covered widely by entertainment news. "You can't just take him out of the country like this!" She added desperately, "He's--he's my husband!"

"Husband?"

George Michael looked guilty and stammered, "Uh, um, there was some kind of mix up. We--we thought it was a joke." Actually, he had taken their marriage rather seriously, even knowing that as cousins, the marriage would probably be null and void. But they weren't really cousins, so maybe it was legal after all.

Michael was speechless, and George Sr. meanwhile came downstairs with Franklin.

"So am I coming along or not?"

Franklin added, "We don't got all day, whitey!"

Meanwhile, the runaway _Queen Mary_ began running out of coal, and the Hot Sailors were running out of energy. As the ship slowed down, the police boats caught up to it and repeated their warnings that reinforcements were on the way. "Pull over, and surrender!"

As the cops began boarding the ship, Lucille abandoned the bridge, then vainly tried to hide in a lifeboat, but they found her and arrested her, while the Coast Guard took control of the ship and arranged to haul it back to the dock. In the mean time, the panicked party guests begged to be evacuated. During the commotion, Maeby said, "I'll find you!" before hanging up her phone and preparing to go home.

On the yacht, Michael told George Sr. to take over steering, while he and George Michael had a serious discussion on the couch.

George Michael confessed about the marriage certificate that came in the mail some weeks ago. "Maeby was kind of freaked out about it, but I-I kept it."

George Sr. commented, "See what I told you about marrying the first girl he gets pregnant?"

"She's not pregnant! I mean, she's not, is she?"

George Michael shook his head. "No, no, we uh didn't consummate it yet."

Michael sighed in relief. "This is crazy! Why would they mail you a marriage certificate, just because of some mock weddings at the hospital? You're not even old enough to get married without parental consent--Oh God. I signed a permission slip for you guys, didn't I?"

"Yeah, you did, at the hospital."

Michael groaned and remembered Wayne Jarvis telling him that testimony in mock trials could be used in real trials. Maybe the same insane loophole applied to weddings. "Damn Patriot Act!"

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, Dad. I just, I thought it didn't really count anyway, since we're cousins. But now..."

"Well, we've got to clean up this mess. We've got to get you an annulment. I don't think we can leave the country yet."

"Then we'll go to Cabo without you!" George Sr. said gleefully, and Franklin was about to add something about hot Mexican babes on the beach, but Michael cut him off irritably.

"Shut up!"

George Michael said, "You know, maybe it won't be so bad, staying around here, Dad. I could talk to Maeby, and--"

"George Michael, you've got to let go of her. She is still family!"

"But not--not really."

Their argument was cut short, though, because some police boats suddenly arrived and surrounded them. "Pull over, Bluth!"

George Sr. panicked. "Oh God, they want to charge me with being Lucille's accomplice! I gotta hide! Move!" He quickly emptied out a cabinet and squeezed inside.

George Michael took over steering, while Michael vacillated over whether to turn in his father this time.

When the police boarded the yacht, however, they slapped the handcuffs on Michael instead. "Michael Bluth, you are under arrest for embezzlement, bribery, and conspiracy."

"What?"

"And it looks you're stealing a company yacht too," said the lead cop disdainfully. "You Bluths are all alike, fleeing the country and sticking it to your investors. But this time we caught you."

Michael gulped and realized that maybe he had been implicated as an accomplice to Lucille's crimes as well. George Michael was shocked.


	3. First Night at Sea

**The title of this chapter refers to the epilogue scene where Michael wakes up after his first night on the yacht, but that scene doesn't happen in this story. Here, "at sea" refers to the family being lost and in crisis because of the arrests.**

* * *

George Michael confessed, "No, wait! I stole the yacht! I-I had a fight with my uncle GOB, and I took it!"

But the police did not believe him, and his father warned, "No! Don't say anything, George Michael! Don't panic. Just tell our lawyer to meet me at the jail, and we'll sort this all out. Don't worry." The cops dragged Michael off to one of their boats. "Jan Eagleman, not Barry!" Michael added, just in case George Michael had forgotten the name of the family's latest lawyer.

A small crew then commandeered the yacht and steered toward the harbor, while a few officers discovered George Sr. hiding. He reluctantly got out and raised his hands in surrender, pleading not to return to jail. "I can't go back to that hellhole!"

The cops just looked confused. "Wait, you're George Bluth? But weren't you on the other ship?"

Another guy said, "Maybe that was the twin."

George Sr. for a moment considered pretending to be Oscar, but he was afraid of Michael ratting him out. He also thought of another card to play. "I mean, you can't try me again on those same charges anyway. That--that's double jeopardy, right?"

One cop answered with a shrug, "Well, I'm no lawyer, but I think that since your case never went to trial, you could still be charged again."

"Really?" George Sr. groaned and muttered, "Oh (bleep)."

However, the cop at the steering wheel radioed to a higher authority for instructions, and he relayed, "Okay. Hey, we don't need George, just Michael. But try to find those cashier's checks for evidence."

So the police started searching the boat, while George Michael sat down on his father's tuxedo jacket, to hide the cashier's checks in the pocket. He hoped that the police wouldn't question him, because he didn't want to lie to them, nor did he want to make his father look guilty, by mentioning Cabo or the checks.

George Sr. sat down with some relief, but he also worried that the cops were going to find his stash of money upstairs. In any case, he probably wouldn't be able to take the yacht and escape to Cabo. He glanced at Franklin sadly and shook his head.

George Michael called the lawyer on his phone. Justice TV's Jan Eagleman was already watching the news reports about Lucille's capture, and she was startled to hear about Michael being arrested too. "Whoa! Um, okay, I'll get down there right now." She hurried to cancel her appointments and get her legal briefcase.

Still anxious, George Michael called Maeby back and softly told her the news too. "I don't know why they're arresting him, or how they found us so fast."

Maeby guessed, "Maybe they saw the yacht leaving the harbor, and they sent somebody after you."

"But we didn't see anybody following us. I don't even know how Pop-Pop got on board without us noticing."

"Well, don't talk anymore in front of the cops. Just go home, and I'll meet you at the house soon, okay?"

"Okay." George Michael hung up and tried not to worry. He hoped that his dad would get bailed out soon, and that the charges would be dropped against him entirely.

What George Michael didn't know, of course, was that Annyong was the mole who had tipped off the police. Earlier in the week, he had given the FBI his audio tape of Michael and Lucille conspiring to embezzle $500,000 out of the company, and to bribe the family with it. When Michael got the cashier's checks at the bank, and Lucille started collecting signatures at the party, that was enough cause for a warrant, and the police boats were launched.

The S.E.C. considered Lucille's arrest to be top priority, since she was the mastermind in this and many other crimes. Michael's arrest was secondary, and the police did not even realize at first that he had left the ship before they arrived. Once they discovered Michael's absence, they began searching for him too, and some party guests had even witnessed Michael leaving the _Queen Mary_.

Thinking that Michael must have spotted the boats from the ship's telescopes, the police guessed that he might have fled on the newly purchased company yacht, which had been in the area. They kicked themselves for having let the yacht escape from the harbor earlier, but luckily the yacht was spotted again near Newport Beach, so more cops were dispatched to nab them.

* * *

Back in Long Beach, several news reporters were interviewing the ship's passengers about their ordeal, and the exhausted Hot Sailors insisted on their innocence. "We thought we were going to strip!"

In all the chaos, Annyong slipped away and made himself neither seen nor heard. With his vengeance accomplished, he debated whether to go back to Korea triumphantly, or else to use his influence with the FBI to bring his family to America. He only knew for certain that Maeby didn't want to be a part of his plans.

Maeby, meanwhile, was on the dock with her parents, who were trying to locate the rest of the family and figure out what to do.

"Michael, where the (bleep) are you? Of all the times to not answer your phone!" Lindsay spoke into his voicemail. "In case you haven't heard, _your_ mother's just been arrested..."

"So has he," Maeby interrupted her.

"What?"

"George Michael just told me." She informed them of Michael's arrest, as well as George Sr. somehow getting on the yacht.

"Oh my God!" Lindsay remained self-involved. "So they found Dad?" She still thought of George Sr. as her father, and she found some comfort in knowing where he was. "He didn't abandon us after all."

Tobias remarked, "Michael's in jail? Oh, this is not a lucky day for Bluths!"

Maeby said, "Anyway, we better find the car and go back to Newport. You guys can go to the police station, but drop me off at home, okay? I want to make sure that George Michael's all right."

"Good idea," Tobias said. "Maybe we can hitch a ride with the Hot Sailors." He began to look around for the strippers, but Stan Sitwell overheard and approached them.

"Listen, if you're in a hurry, why don't I just give you guys a ride home? That way you can sneak out of here without all the reporters hounding you, and you can leave Lucille's car here for the rest of your family to take."

"All right, thanks."

So Sitwell called for his car, while Lindsay left messages for Buster and GOB, not realizing that neither of them had their cell phones with them now.

Luckily, Buster returned to the dock after changing out of his wet clothes, and his fisherman friend helped him search for his family. They found Oscar first, who joined them in the car. Buster's uncle/father hugged him and was glad to find him safe. "I just wish that your mother was all right."

"Me too," Buster said.

Then they drove to Lucille's parked Mercedes, and found GOB sitting inside it. GOB had his keys, but was waiting in case Michael came back with his yacht.

"Hey, Busty. You haven't seen Michael, have you?"

"No, and I can't find Lindsay either. I lost my glasses and my phone when I jumped into the ocean." Buster briefly recounted his face-off with the seal.

GOB looked stunned. "What? You mean it can still swim with only one flipper? That's one tough little guy." He wondered whether there was any way of capturing the seal and giving it back to his wife, so that she wouldn't keep demanding $250,000 in their divorce. He could tell her that the seal would still make her money as part of some freak show.

Buster nodded with grudging respect for the seal. "Yeah, it's weird, especially since the seal was raised in captivity."

GOB felt somewhat uncomfortable being reminded of how he released the seal and was responsible for Buster losing his hand, so he changed the subject. "I don't have my phone either. I think I left it on my yacht when George Michael took off. Hey, maybe we should find a pay phone and call everybody. You got any money, guy?"

The fisherman replied, "Well, I've got some change, but we should make this quick, because I have to go home soon."

They located the nearest phone and called Lindsay, who soon cleared up everything. The fisherman wished them good luck and left them to drive home in the silver Mercedes.

* * *

In Newport, the police docked their boats and took Michael away in a patrol car. The cops had indeed discovered the cash in the Aztec Tomb, but they still thought that $200,000 was missing, so they posted some guards on the yacht and taped it off, in preparation for a more thorough search.

An officer asked George Sr. and George Michael whether they wanted a ride to the station, but George Michael just clutched his father's jacket and said that he wanted to go home now. He glanced at his Pop-Pop suspiciously and wondered where all the money came from, but did not accuse him yet.

George Sr. agreed distractedly, "Yes, I should take the boy home now. It's been a terrible day. Terrible." Franklin added vehemently, "(Bleep)ing cops!"

George Michael led the way to the nearby staircar, which he had driven to the docks to visit GOB, hours ago. As they got in the car and put down their stuff in the middle, George Michael finally asked, "Pop-Pop, was that your money that they found? Why didn't you confess and take the heat off my dad?"

"What? No, no, that wasn't mine. That was, uh, probably GOB's money. He cashed in some stock to buy that yacht."

"But I thought that he didn't sell it yet, and he got my dad to buy the yacht for him instead."

George Sr. shrugged, "Well I don't know then. Maybe he made some cash with his magic act, or he went back to following people to their cars." He winked at Franklin.

George Michael was not amused. "You should have said something! My dad--your son--could be in real trouble here! Don't you care at all?"

"Of course I do!" George Sr. spoke more reassuringly. "Look, don't worry, George Michael. Your father's got a good lawyer, and he'll get out soon. He just has to lie about going to Cabo, and he's smart enough to do that. They can't prove where he was going to go, and this will all blow over."

George Michael sighed and just drove home in silence, still angry. He no longer trusted the family and knew exactly why Michael wanted to abandon them once again. But George Michael still wanted to see Maeby, and hopefully she could give him advice on what to do with the incriminating cashier's checks.

* * *

After talking to the police, Jan Eagleman met with Michael and privately clarified the charges against him.

"You mean this is because of those (bleep)ing cashier's checks? But it was to hold the company together." Michael explained to her about trying to keep his family from selling their stock for ten years.

"You may have meant well, but it's still illegal, Michael. I mean, I might be able to cut you a deal, since it was your mother's idea, but they insist that you knew exactly what kind of fraud you were committing."

Michael sighed and recalled pointing out the "embezzlement, bribery, and conspiracy" to his mother days ago. He shouldn't have sold out, nor let Lucille manipulate him so much. "But we never gave them out, so technically we didn't bribe anybody."

She replied, "Well, you have a point, but they still have proof of you taking the money from the bank. And with you leaving the scene the way you did, it just looks like you double-crossed the family and took the money for yourself."

Michael refrained from telling her that he did intend to keep the money at first.

Jan continued, "Also, they found $300,000 dollars hidden on the yacht, and they insist on knowing what you did with the missing 200 grand."

"Three hundred--? Wait, no, that's my father's money!" He told her about George Sr. secretly selling his stock and planning to go to Cabo. "I-I was actually going to return the cashier's checks, and I don'tknow why they didn't find them. I left them in my coat pocket on the couch."

She checked her notes. "They didn't find anything on the couch except the puppet Franklin, and they searched him too. Apparently while your father complained about police brutality."

Michael groaned and pictured the scene. "Well maybe my son knows what happened to them. He saw them too."

"All right, I'll ask him, and get your father to corroborate that it's his money. Now what about you stealing the yacht? Were you going to flee with your father to Cabo?"

Michael hesitated and told a half-truth. "No, uh, we were just going home. I had to stay and get my son an annulment. He accidentally got married to his cousin Maeby."

"What? Really?"

"Yeah, but she's not blood-related." He explained about the mock wedding, and his son's recent confessions. "That was, um, actually why George Michael took off in the yacht. See, I told him to go back to his ex-girlfriend, but she was living with GOB, and that was the last straw."

Jan looked shocked, and commented, "Your family's a little too close."

That was the understatement of the year. "I know. That's why I have to get out of here and handle it before it gets any worse. How soon can I make bail?"

"Actually, I think that the S.E.C. wants the judge to deny you bail, because they think you're a flight risk, but I'll try to negotiate with them after I find out what happened to the cashier's checks. You'll have to sit tight for now."

"Great," he sounded resigned and weary. "Well, I guess I better use my one phone call to check on my son."

"Sure, and if you want to ask him about those checks, please go ahead. I have to wait for your mother to get here anyway, and discuss her case with her."

"Oh right."

Then she added more thoughtfully, "You know, it might actually be better if your mother got a different lawyer to represent her. You see, any deal that I make in your favor might make her look worse, and vice versa. It's a conflict of interest."

"I hadn't realized. There's no Patriot Act loophole, is there?"

"Not in this case. Look, I probably should just get the court to appoint her a new lawyer for now, and then she can upgrade to anybody else she wants before going to trial."

Michael nodded along. He was glad to have a competent lawyer, to point out such details to him. She may be a Justice TV media whore, but she was also a professional, and she was on his side. Maybe things would be okay after all.

As they rose from the chairs, he said "Thanks" and shook her hand.

She answered, "You're welcome. I'll see you later, and I'll try to look into that annulment for you too."

"Okay. Bye."

* * *

On the way home, Lindsay mentioned the "good news" about George Sr., and Sitwell said reluctantly, "Oh, they found him? That's... nice."

He tried to convince her, though, that she'd be better off as a Sitwell. "But you'll still come celebrate your birthday with Sally and me, won't you?"

"Oh, I don't know. It'll be awkward now, and my dad is probably already planning something. I bet that's why he came back! It's a surprise for me."

Sitwell doubted it, but didn't want to burst her giddiness. Instead, he appealed to her greed. "I'll throw you a party, with lots of presents."

"Really?"

"And we'll still pretend that you're 35."

Lindsay looked tempted, and Tobias joined in encouraging her, because George Sr. had never respected him, and he hoped that Sitwell would make a better father-in-law.

"Why thank you, kind sir! I admit that I have not been able to provide for my beautiful bride as well as I could lately, but she deserves the very best for her birthday."

"Indeed. Anything for my darling Nellie."

Maeby rolled her eyes at this ingratiating behavior and wished again that she could emancipate herself from her family. She was well on her way to it, with her studio exec job and her car and her marriage. She still wasn't quite sure whether the marriage was legal, or even if she really wanted to be married, but if it allowed her any leverage to keep George Michael in the country, then she would use it. They could always get an annulment later.

Maeby wished that she had taken her own car to Long Beach, and could race home now, but she couldn't risk tipping off her family before she got them to sign her release forms. She was going to pitch the TV show to Ron Howard soon, and if she succeeded, then maybe she could finally afford her own lawyer and leave her oblivious, bickering parents for good. She could move out and get a driver's license and stop pretending to go to school. She wouldn't even have to lie about her age anymore. Everything would be better.

After sunset, the Fünkes arrived at the model home. As Sitwell's car pulled up to the driveway, Maeby immediately sprang out and rushed to the front door, without even glancing back.

"Well, I guess she's really worried about George Michael," Lindsay said, forgetting all about how Michael told her that the kids had been "getting physical" lately. Even if she had rememembered, Lindsay wouldn't have forbade their relationship. It wasn't any more inappropriate than her proposing to her adoptive brother, after all.

"Yes, the poor boy is probably having a hard time," Sitwell said. "Well, I'll see you two at the birthday party this weekend?"

"Yes, all right," Lindsay said with a smile.

"Bring Maeby too, and George Michael, if he needs cheering up."

"Okay." Lindsay and Tobias thanked Sitwell for the ride, then got out and waved goodbye.

"George Michael?" Maeby looked around for her cousin, but only found George Sr. watching TV in the living room with Franklin.

Pop-Pop told her, "He's in his room. Hey, is your mom--?"

Maeby didn't stay, just running upstairs to find George Michael.

Lindsay and Tobias strolled in soon afterward, so George Sr. hugged Lindsay and asked if she was all right.

"I'm fine, Dad. I just got worried that you'd disappeared, because it was Uncle Oscar on the ship. But I should have known that you wouldn't leave before my birthday!"

"Your birthday? Oh right," he bluffed it off. "Of course I wouldn't. We'll have a nice party. I mean, as nice as we can have with your mom and Michael in jail."

Lindsay only grinned. "Does this mean I get his presents too? Jackpot!"

George Sr. shrugged, then spoke tenderly, "Hey, I-I heard that you found out that you were adopted, honey. But you know, you'll always be my little girl."

"I know."

He then asked her if Sitwell had said anything to her lately, and was shocked and upset to hear how Sitwell had been wooing her. "That hairless (bleep)ing freak!"

Lindsay tried to soothe him, saying, "Oh, Dad, it's just that you were gone, and I was worried about money. Plus, he gave us the ride home, and he's being so nice."

"That's because he wants to steal you away! The bastard."

While the adults continued arguing about this, the kids reunited in their bedroom.

"George Michael."

"Maeby." He put down the tuxedo jacket and stood up nervously.

She tossed down her clipboard on the dresser and impulsively kissed him. They embraced and leaned against the ladder of the bunkbed, knocking it over. They were still kissing when they heard Tobias coming upstairs.

"Did something break?" he asked.

"No, it's fine!" Maeby said, and shut the door, locking it. Then she kissed George Michael again and sank onto the lower bed with him.

* * *

**The Michael/GOB stuff will start with the next chapter. Sorry for the slow buildup.**


	4. Not About Blood

George Michael enjoyed making out with Maeby, but landing on the jacket reminded him of his father, so he pulled away with guilt. "Maeby, wait! Wait."

"For what?" she asked breathlessly. "We're not cousins."

He whispered, "I know, but your dad might hear us, or go through the bathroom door. Besides, we--we need to talk about some stuff. My dad was just arrested."

"Okay." Maeby reluctantly sat up with him, and took his hand comfortingly. "Are you all right?"

He shook his head. "I mean, my dad told me not to worry, but I think he's really in trouble, and I don't know what to do. Plus, I've got these--" He reached to pull the cashier's checks out of the jacket, but before he could explain, Tobias knocked on the door, startling them.

"George Michael, I--" He tried to open the door. "Is this locked?"

"Uh, yeah. Sorry." George Michael got up, but Maeby held onto him and called out, "We're fine, Dad. I told you."

Tobias said, "Oh, I know, but I came up to have a word with your cousin. Hmm, is this a bad time?"

George Michael feared that there was suspicion in Tobias's voice, so he made Maeby let go. "No, uh, j-just a second." George Michael picked up the fallen ladder and put it back, before unlocking the door. He said, "We were just going to talk," as if that might excuse their earlier kisses.

Tobias spoke sympathetically and obliviously, though. "If by 'talk,' you mean 'cry,' there's nothing to be ashamed of, George Michael! Oh, your father may be all John Wayne about hiding his tears, but you don't have to be like him, or lock the door because you're too proud. Come here." He pulled George Michael into a hug and encouraged, "Let it out. Let it all out."

George Michael was surprised and relieved for a moment, almost wanting to cry, since he did feel scared and upset by his father's arrest. But then Tobias started singing, "Somewhere over the rainbow, there's another rainbow, where big boys cry..." and rubbing his back a little too familiarly. George Michael became uncomfortable and tried to pull away.

"Oh, but you haven't cried yet." Tobias held onto him.

"Dad, that's enough!" Maeby helped pull him off.

George Michael staggered back to the window and placed the desk chair in front of him. "No, I'll--I'll cry later. Not now."

"All right. Have it your way, John Wayne." Tobias then sat on the dresser and said, "Anyway, I came up here because I'm about to start making dinner, and I wanted to know if you'd like any special comfort foods tonight. Like say, some corn balls, or should I say, blue b--"

"No!" George Michael answered. "No. I-I'm not even hungry now."

"If you say so. But I'll whip up something anyway, and perhaps you might join us later, when you're not so shy." With a flourish, he turned and left them alone.

Maeby shut and locked the door again, before going over to George Michael. "I'm sorry about my dad. Sometimes I wish he'd just move out again."

George Michael shrugged off the awkwardness and started to speak, but then she hugged him and kissed him. He lost his train of thought and smelled her hair. They started making out again, and soon Maeby pulled him back towards the bed. As they lay down, he asked her anxiously, "Wait, what if he comes back?"

"He won't. Besides, next time, we won't unlock the door."

"But what about your mom, or--?"

She climbed onto him and shut him up with more kisses. He gave in to her recklessness, and for the moment forgot that he had anything important to discuss with her.

However, then they heard George Michael's cell phone ringing in the room.

"Don't answer that," she said.

"It's probably my dad."

"Ugh! His timing is about as bad as my dad's."

George Michael sat up and took a calming breath, before grabbing his phone. "Hello?"

"George Michael, hey, it's me."

"Hi, Dad."

"Did you get home all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." He glanced in the mirror with some guilt, glad that his father couldn't see his disheveled state. "Are you okay, Dad?"

"I'm great. I talked to the lawyer, and she's gonna handle everything. Don't worry."

"So you'll get out of jail soon?"

Pouting impatiently, Maeby pushed the tuxedo jacket off the bed and finally saw the checks. "Whoa." Her eyes widened as she read them.

"What was that?"

"Nothing." George Michael decided to get up and walk into Lindsay and Tobias's room. He lied, "Uh, Pop-Pop was just talking to Franklin."

"Oh. Well, yes, I will get out of jail soon, George Michael. I mean, not tonight, because they didn't ever find those cashier's checks."

"I've got the checks."

"Oh, you do?"

"Yeah, I-I had your jacket and was hiding the checks from the police. You need them?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, I'm sorry. It's just, I thought they wouldn't believe that you were gonna give them back. They wouldn't believe me about stealing the yacht."

"That's okay, son. You were just trying to help. But don't worry. Just give the checks to Jan Eagleman tomorrow, and she'll handle everything."

"Okay, Dad." He sighed with great relief and pulled a chair over to the vanity.

Michael asked him, "So, are you there with just Pop-Pop, or did anybody else come home yet?"

"Um..."

Michael guessed, "Maeby's there?"

"Uh, yeah. She--she just got here with her mom and dad." He became fidgety and sweaty.

Michael sighed. "Don't tell me you kissed again?"

He admitted, "I-I just couldn't help it, Dad. And we're not really blood-related, so--"

"But you're still family," Michael insisted. Then he asked in a lower voice, "I mean, what, do you think I'd hook up with your Aunt Lindsay just because I found out that she's adopted?"

"Ew! No!" George Michael was disturbed and couldn't imagine that Michael was speaking more than hypothetically.

"So it's not about the blood, George Michael. It's about right and wrong. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, I-I do. She's still not an option." George Michael frowned and tried not to think of kissing her.

Michael continued, "Listen, I know it's hard, but you've got to be strong, buddy. Don't even let yourself be alone with her at all. I already told Lindsay and Pop-Pop about you two, so you can go to them for help."

"Oh, they--they both know?" George Michael wondered why they hadn't come upstairs yet. Perhaps they were busy talking about the arrests.

"Yeah, and we'll get you an annulment as soon as possible. For now, just sleep in the master bedroom again, or uh, maybe you should go stay with your Uncle Buster for a while. You know, keep him company while Gangee's in jail."

"I-I guess so," George Michael reluctantly agreed, but kept glancing toward the door of the other room.

"Everything's gonna be all right, and I'll come home soon," Michael said. "Good night, buddy. I love you."

"I love you too, Dad." George Michael hung up, and stared sadly at the phone.

Maeby was standing in the bathroom doorway, holding the checks. "What did he say?"

"Um," he finally faced her and saw the checks in her hands. "He--he said I should give those to his lawyer."

"Oh, this is evidence, huh?" She had suspected as much, when she realized that it came out of Michael's tuxedo jacket.

He stood up and tried to take the checks, but she held them back. "What did he say about me?"

George Michael frowned and replied awkwardly, "Well, um, he--he said that we're still family."

"Hmph." She folded her arms.

George Michael looked at his feet. "And he wants me to go stay with Uncle Buster for a while."

"So you just said yes, huh? You're just gonna let him bully you like that?"

"He's not bullying me. He's just trying to help me--"

"No, he's trying to control you. Like when he tried to put you in Milford, and Openings, when you didn't want to go. And he's tried to drag you off to Arizona and Cabo too. He's not right, just because he's your dad."

"I know he makes mistakes sometimes, but he's really trying now. And I think he's right about us, Maeby. We're just kids, and this is crazy. I mean, you wanted to shred our marriage license, remember?"

"I know, but I still thought we were cousins then, and it was freaky. Besides, I never thought I'd be married at 16." Though she'd given out many proposals.

"Right, we're too young, and it'll never last. Besides, you're making movies, so you'll be around all those cool Hollywood actors. I can't compete with that."

She looked at him tenderly and touched his sleeve. "You don't have to compete with them. You're George Michael."

He looked up and searched her face for any sarcasm, but she only smiled fondly. "You mean it?"

"Yeah." She added with a shrug, "And you know, I don't even really want an older guy anymore." In this area at least, she didn't need to rush growing up.

"But you wanted Steve Holt."

"No, I was just trying to avoid my real crush on you."

"Really?"

"Yeah." She pulled him closer and they kissed again. She dropped the checks on the dresser.

* * *

In his cell, Michael sat on the hard cot and unbuttoned his dress shirt. He tried to relax and not think about Cabo or Arizona anymore; once again, he and George Michael would have to defer their escape from their family. Hopefully, Jan Eagleman would get him bailed out tomorrow, and resolve his case soon. Michael certainly didn't want to end up in Orange County Prison wearing a jumpsuit like his father's.

Then he wondered whether his mother would be all right, and whom she would request for a defense lawyer. Maybe she would try to convince Wayne Jarvis to switch sides again, or woo Bob Loblaw back. The Bluths still had money from their legal defense fundraiser, especially since Jan Eagleman agreed to defend them for free.

After taking off his shoes, Michael lay down and awkwardly remembered the last time that he'd been locked up and wearing a tuxedo.

_Michael and GOB had broken into the Orange County Prison to rescue their mother from the warden's machinations. But it turned out that she didn't need rescuing, and she even made up with George Sr. in the conjugal trailer._

_Meanwhile, the Bluth Foundation gala turned into a riot, and after the chaos died down, a guard led Michael to a cell, to spend the night. But when he saw that his brother GOB already lay unconscious in the lower bunk bed, Michael quickly turned around._

_"No, wait, this is my brother. I need to find my son, George Michael."_

_"Sorry, warden's orders because of the riot. First come, first served, and no switching cells. We need everybody to stay put."_

_"But--"_

_"No switching!" the guard insisted, slamming the door shut as if Michael were a real prisoner, not a guest. "Lights out in three." Then he walked away._

_Michael held onto the bars and looked out anxiously. Where was his son? Where was the rest of the family? What sane people would ever agree to be locked into a prison after a fundraiser, new wing or not?_

_Finally, Michael turned around and looked at his older brother with resignation. He cautiously came nearer and knelt in front of him. GOB had a bruise on his head, as if he'd been hit during the rioting. Michael wondered if perhaps it was serious enough that he could request that the guards transfer GOB to the infirmary at least._

_GOB stirred as Michael touched him, and he murmured, "Mikey."_

_Michael jumped back with a gasp, afraid that GOB had woken up. But GOB just sighed and stretched out, still asleep. Michael caught his breath and decided not to risk examining his brother any further. He really didn't want to know that GOB dreamed about him. He didn't want to be here at all._

_Michael wished that he had never read the warden's screenplay, and had never gone to the prison. He should have stayed home, where at least he could lock himself in his bedroom, but instead he was trapped here, with GOB._

_Suddenly, the prison lights went out, leaving only moonlight streaming through the barred windows._

_"Oh (bleep)." Michael got up slowly and moved toward the ladder at the end of the bunk bed. He found a chair nearby, so he began undressing and laying his clothes on it. But he kept glancing toward GOB's silhouette, paranoid that his brother might really be awake and watching him in the darkness._

_So Michael climbed into the top bunk and undressed there, before tossing his clothes down to the chair. Then he pulled the blanket over him and lay down, trying to be calm. But he stared at the moving shadows and couldn't sleep. He could hear GOB breathing below him, and his whole body tensed._

_For a long time, Michael had tried to ignore his brother's inappropriate behavior. He dismissed GOB acting clingy as mere neediness and loneliness; GOB was just starved for love, attention, and respect. And like Tobias, GOB was often oblivious to how his words and actions came across. Michael convinced himself that GOB was only harrassing him accidentally, like he had with Gary in the office. So Michael humored GOB's strangeness and tried to steer their relationship in healthier, non-sexual directions._

_But he could no longer ignore GOB's incestuous conduct. His embraces had become too intense, too lingering, and he had even sneaked up on Michael's back once, pinning him in the corner of the kitchen. GOB also tried to make Michael taste his tears, and he claimed that there was only one sleeping bag, so that they would have to share when they went camping. When Michael asked GOB to serve as a witness at his and Rita's wedding, GOB creepily offered to get him a hooker and watch them. He even spanked Michael, just like Tobias and their perverted ex-lawyer Barry had done before. GOB was shameless._

_Today, GOB hugged him too long after the jetpack flew away from them, and then they got into a compromising position to read the map on GOB's tummy. The guard who found them said, "Hey, guys. If you're gonna party, you want to bring it inside?"_

_What would Michael do, if GOB woke up and tried something tonight? What if he wanted more than a naughty hug or kiss? What if he wanted a real 69? What if he had his forget-me-now pills with him?_

_Michael broke into a sweat and recalled the words from the warden's screenplay, "Anything can happen when two people share a cell, cuz." GOB hadn't read it, of course, but Michael remained sleepless and afraid. Afraid of his own brother._

_Michael was not sure what time he finally managed to fall asleep, but the prison lights were back on when GOB woke him up the next morning. GOB was standing on the bunk bed below, and his hand rested on Michael's chest, playing with the wrinkles of his t-shirt._

_GOB whispered, "Hey, Mikey. Do you know what happened last night?"_

_Michael gulped and pulled the blanket over him again. "No." He didn't feel as if he had been molested, and yet GOB's question seemed to suggest otherwise._

_GOB frowned. "(Bleep). I don't know either. I remember the riot breaking out, and I went to meet you guys at the conjugal trailer, but that's it. Did Mom get out okay?"_

_Michael realized what GOB meant now, and he sat up wearily. "Uh, yeah, Mom's fine. I was wrong, actually. The warden wasn't plotting any revenge."_

_"Really? So you screwed up!" GOB grinned in a pleased, superior way, but he also leaned nearer and put a hand on Michael's knee._

_Maybe he wasn't so paranoid about GOB after all. Michael said, "Yeah, and then Dad showed up instead of escaping. The warden let him stay and nail Mom in the trailer."_

_"God!" GOB reacted with disgust and jumped away, onto the floor. With a shudder, he paced around the cell and complained of Michael's filthiness. "I have a sense of propriety!"_

_Michael let him rant, using the opportunity to climb down and get his clothes. But he didn't dress quickly enough, because GOB suddenly grabbed him and pulled him to the lower bed._

_"Hey!" He tried to get up, but was hampered by his pants not being on all the way._

_"Oh God, I remember now!" GOB broke down and cried against his brother's cheek, confessing that he had been detained against the trailer before getting knocked out. He clung to Michael hysterically and wouldn't let go._

_Michael reluctantly patted GOB's back and tried to calm him. GOB meanwhile tried to make Michael taste his tears again, and he kept leaning Michael backward, pinning him against the ladder. "No! GOB, don't--"_

_Suddenly, the cell door opened, and a prison guard stood staring at them. "You're... free to go."_

_Michael finally slipped out of GOB's grasp and scurried back to the chair. He cleared his thoat and said with embarrassment, "Uh, thanks."_

_The guard still frowned at them, and checked his list of overnight guests again. "You're brothers?"_

_Michael blushed and made an excuse, "He--he got scared, about being in prison. He's been shanked before and, uh, traumatized."_

_The guard shrugged and continued on, to wake up the rest of the incarcerated guests._

_GOB's sobs finally subsided, and he just lay in bed, watching Michael dress. Michael wouldn't look at him, just hurrying to go find his son._

Since that night in the prison, GOB had continued to blatantly harass Michael. He even had an erection during one of their intimate hugs, and Michael uncomfortably ignored it. He encouraged GOB to stick with his Christian girlfriend and to be a father to Steve Holt. Michael hoped that having a girlfriend would keep GOB occupied, even if he did not totally reform.

But of course, Michael had expected too much of GOB, and the girlfriend turned out to be George Michael's ex-girlfriend. So if anything, GOB had become more, not less, depraved.

Michael sighed and shook his head sadly. Maybe there really was no way to have a normal, brotherly relationship with GOB. Maybe it would always be warped. Given their childhood, how could it not be?

Michael resolved to do everything he could to spare George Michael and Maeby from having such an inappropriate relationship. He hoped that Lindsay and Dad were watching over them carefully now.


	5. Family Love

While Tobias prepared dinner, George Sr. and Lindsay continued arguing about Stan Sitwell.

"I'm serious! I don't want you to go to that party, Lindsay, and I don't want you to even talk to him again."

"But Daddy, I need this! He promised me a lot of presents, to make up for me being older than I thought I was. Besides, with Michael holding the purse-strings for the last three years, I've had to beg, borrow, and steal to get anything new. I'm sick of it."

He replied, "Well the past three years have been tough on me too, Lindsay! Do you think I was having the time of my life in prison? It was a hellhole." A hellhole with ice cream sandwiches and softball games.

"But what about when you escaped to Mexico for a while? Then Vegas and Reno?"

George Sr. shrugged dismissively. "Yeah, but I also had to hide in the attic for months, and then I was under house arrest with your mother."

Lindsay nodded and sighed sympathetically, "Yeah, I just did time with her at a spa. It was like being in rehab. But, listen, I could return Sitwell's presents for money, Daddy. We're probably going to need some cash, you know, because all our stock will get frozen again."

George Sr. considered her argument. "So we'd be screwing Sitwell out of some more money?"

"Yeah. And with Michael in jail, I don't know where else we're going to get money from. Are you gonna be company president again?"

"No, no, I'm definitely retired." George Sr. did not want to put himself at risk of getting arrested. "We'll probably have to figure out what's going on at the shareholders' meeting tomorrow. They'll be desperate and want to appoint someone to temporarily take over."

"Right, and who knows what they'll do?"

"All right, I guess you can go to that party and stick it to Sitwell for me. But you gotta promise me, honey, that you'll stay a Bluth."

"Fünke," Tobias tried to correct.

"Of course, Daddy." She hugged him. With Lucille gone, Lindsay didn't resent being a Bluth so much. "And I promise that I'll only keep your birthday presents. I'll exchange all of Sitwell's gifts for money."

"Oh." George Sr. realized that he had to buy her some birthday presents. "Well, good."

"By the way, where are we gonna have our own party, Dad? Are we gonna have it here, or at the penthouse?"

"Um, I can't tell you now, honey. It's going to be a surprise."

She grinned. "I can't wait."

Tobias grew worried by Lindsay's continued attachment to George Sr., but he decided that he would speak to Sitwell privately later. In the meantime, he finished setting the table and called out, "Kids! Time for dinner!"

After a moment, Maeby called back, "We're not hungry!"

Tobias answered, "Oh, you kids! George Michael, come on down here. Don't be ashamed to cry!"

George Sr. sat down and asked, "Cry?"

"Yes, he was so upset about his father's arrest that he locked the bedroom door."

Lindsay rolled her eyes and said, "Maybe he locked it to keep you out."

George Sr. started to laugh in agreement, but then finally remembered Michael telling him that the cousins had been making out lately. "Locked the door? Was he with Maeby? Oh-oh!" So George Sr. got up and hurried upstairs.

* * *

At that moment, the cousins had stopped kissing, and were sitting together on one of the twin beds. 

Maeby asked George Michael, "So what are we gonna do about your dad?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, what happens when your dad gets out of jail? Is he gonna steal the yacht again and drag you to Cabo?"

"No, no, he said that we need to stay, to get an annulment."

"Then what happens after that?"

"I don't know. I guess it depends on how soon Jan Eagleman can get the charges dropped."

"Yeah, we should look into that. Maybe we shouldn't give her those cashier's checks. We could hide them, or shred them."

"No, no!" George Michael protested. "I don't want him to stay in jail."

Maeby shrugged. "All right, but we've got to stall him on the annulment, then. Like hide our marriage license from him. Where'd you put it?"

"You wanna stay married?"

"Yeah, to keep you from disappearing on me! Your dad's always bolting and running, George Michael. You can't just give in to him again. You gotta start standing up for yourself. I mean, that's what husbands do, right?"

"Well, I--"

Following their voices, George Sr. rushed down the hallway and into the room. "Hey-ey there! What's going on?" He wondered why they weren't in their own room, but perhaps they wanted a roomier bed.

"Nothing," Maeby answered coolly. "We're not hungry, Pop-Pop. Just have dinner without us."

George Michael, however, remembered that Pop-Pop knew about them, although he wasn't sure if he approved. So George Michael moved away from her slightly, looking nervous and guilty. He knew they were going to get caught, sooner or later.

George Sr. said, "Oh, I bet I know what you're hungry for! Come on, let's go." He grabbed them and made them get up.

"Hey! What did we do?" Maeby protested.

"You made out and got married, that's what. Downstairs, both of you."

He herded the kids out of the room, while George Michael mumbled to her, "He heard us talking about the marriage on the yacht."

"Oh (bleep)," she said. "Then we should have locked the door!"

"Go on, now!"

When they all arrived downstairs, Lindsay and Tobias misunderstood the expressions on their faces.

"Oh, George Michael, are you worried about your dad?"

"Hardly," George Sr. said. "These two lovebirds were on your bed!"

"What?"

George Michael protested, "I _am_ worried about my dad!"

"And we weren't doing anything," Maeby said. "Not that it's any of your business."

Lindsay asked, "George Michael and Maeby?" Then she remembered. "Oh, so Michael was serious about that?"

"About what?" Tobias looked surprised and confused.

"They're kissing cousins, you dope," George Sr. answered. He made the kids sit down at opposite corners of the table and said, "Now we better have a serious discussion."

Lindsay smiled at them. "How sweet! How long have you guys been dating?"

"Lindsay!" George Sr. said disapprovingly. "They're cousins."

"So what?" She didn't see what the big deal was. "They're not blood-related."

"I know that, but they're just kids. And they're not just dating; they're married."

"Married?" Lindsay glanced at George Michael. "You didn't even ask me for your mom's engagement ring."

George Michael answered, "Well, it-it was kind of an accident."

George Sr. nodded, as if that proved his point. "And what if they have an accident and she gets pregnant, huh? Who's gonna take care of that mess? Besides, if they consummate it, then they can't get an annulment."

Maeby spoke defiantly, "You can't tell us what to do!"

"Oh really?" George Sr. said skeptically. "You want to stay married? You want to drop out of school and have kids? And raise them on what? Your banana stand money?"

Maeby was going to protest that she had already dropped out of school, and that she did have her own money, but Tobias interrupted.

"Wait, wait! I think you're overreacting here. They won't consummate it, because George Michael here is afraid of sex."

"Wait, what?" George Michael looked embarrassed and confused.

Tobias continued in his psychiatrist voice, "I saw how he was afraid of intimacy with his last girlfriend, and now he's gotten married to Maeby, but he hasn't consummated that either. So obviously, he has some deep seated issues--"

"No, no!" George Michael stopped him. "No, there's nothing wrong with me!"

"Yeah," Maeby agreed. "We didn't even know we were married at first, and we still thought we were cousins for a while. But we're not."

George Sr. added with a shrug, "Yeah, I think the boy's all right. It was just that Bland girl with her nutty religious stuff, you know. But with Maeby here--well that's what we're trying to prevent."

"I don't see why," Lindsay said. "I mean, if they're married, and we teach them about birth control, why shouldn't they be together?"

"But they shouldn't be married!" George Sr. insisted, then he turned to the kids earnestly. "Don't you know that you're both too young? You've got your whole lives ahead of you. Sweet freedom! Why would you want to throw it all away?" Besides never liking Michael's wife Tracy, George Sr. had always resented Lucille tricking him into getting her pregnant and having to marry her.

Maeby asked, "So wait, you'd be all right with us together, just as long as we weren't married?"

"Sure!" Lindsay said. "Keep your options open, honey." She glanced at Tobias with regret about rushing into marriage, but he remained oblivious.

George Sr. frowned and thought things over. "You mean you'd get an annulment?"

"Yeah," Maeby said, without consulting George Michael. "If you let us date."

George Sr. shrugged. "Hmm, okay. But, listen, no hanky-panky until the annulment's official, and then you two have to be careful about not getting pregnant."

"All right!" Maeby said with a grin, and took George Michael's hand happily. "Isn't this great?" She hadn't expected this to be so easy.

George Michael blinked and stammered, "But--but what about my dad?"

"Oh yeah." She turned to the adults again. "Hey, can you guys help us convince Uncle Mike to lay off us? He keeps saying that we're still family, and he was going to take George Michael off to Cabo."

"He was?" Lindsay asked. "He was gonna abandon us again in the middle of Lucille's arrest?"

George Sr. recalled his talk with Michael on the yacht, but did not admit his own guilt. "Yeah, he wanted to cash out and leave."

Tobias shook his head with an analytical air again. "Ah, Michael. Always running away, then coming back with his tail between his legs. One of these days, we'll have to stop taking his sweet little tail back."

Everyone glanced at him, then George Sr. cleared his throat. "Anyway, I guess I'll have a talk with Michael myself. Tell him not to overreact and get uptight. After all, he should be more focused on his trial, and his mother's right now. We should all visit them, first thing tomorrow."

"Yeah."

"Okay, thanks, Pop-Pop." Maeby got up and kissed his cheek, before returning to George Michael.

"Oh, here." Lindsay switched seats so that the kids could sit together, and the family began enjoying their meal.

George Michael softly asked Maeby for reassurance, "So now--now you don't want to be married?"

She answered with a shrug. "Well, you said it yourself. We're too young. As long as your dad doesn't keep us apart, we can date, and that's all that matters."

"Right. I guess so." George Michael started to relax and believe that their problems were solved. "So you're my girlfriend now?"

"Yeah." She smiled and kissed him.

"Hey, hey!" George Sr. wagged a finger at them. "No hanky-panky until the annulment."

Maeby answered sarcastically, "Oh, like we're gonna make out in front of you."

"I know, but we're not gonna leave you kids alone anymore, no matter what you promise. I don't trust teenagers and their raging hormones. You guys probably shouldn't share a room until the annulment's official."

Tobias asked, "Oh, should we switch rooms again?"

George Michael really didn't want to share the bunk beds with Tobias again, and Maeby said with a pout, "What? I don't want to move."

George Sr. suggested, "Why don't you sleep downstairs on the couch, George Michael? I'll take your father's room for tonight, and we'll work something out once your father comes home."

"Oh, okay," George Michael said, and Maeby shrugged.

"Well, that's better than Cabo."

But then George Michael asked worriedly, "Hey, um, is Uncle GOB going to come over tonight?" GOB frequently sneaked into the model home to crash on the study couch, whenever he didn't have a yacht, or a girlfriend to stay with. George Michael didn't want to see his uncle now, nor did he like the thought of GOB staying at the Veals' house either.

Lindsay answered, "No, GOB is staying with Uncle Oscar and Buster. They called us from the dock, and they're driving the Mercedes back."

George Sr. asked, "Oscar is staying at the penthouse again? Ugh, he'll be wearing my clothes again."

"Well, he was already wearing your clothes at the boat party, Daddy. Don't tell me that that tux was his."

"No, I lent it to him. But I was just using him, so that nobody would know I was gone."

"Why? Why didn't you come to the party?"

George Sr. realized that he couldn't confess his plans to Lindsay. "Well, I, uh, was planning a surprise for the party."

George Michael looked up and almost wanted to say that George Sr. also intended to go to Cabo, but he saw a warning look on Pop-Pop's face and decided that he shouldn't piss off Pop-Pop, if he hoped to be with Maeby.

"What surprise?" Lindsay pressed with excitement.

George Sr. lied, "Oh, I was... getting ready for your birthday party on Saturday. Yeah, I was gonna invite all the investors to toast you and Michael on your 37th." To lower her expectations, he added, "But, now with your mother and Michael in jail, I think we'll have to have a much smaller party, honey. We can't afford a big blowout, with the company in trouble again."

"Oh, that's all right. At least I'll have Sitwell's party." Then she grinned and told George Michael and Maeby that they were invited. "He said he was gonna send a limo to pick us up! It can be your first date!"

George Sr. frowned and grumbled with jealousy. "(Bleep)ing hairless freak."

* * *

Meanwhile, Uncle Oscar, Buster, and GOB arrived at Balboa Towers and parked the Mercedes. 

Lupe had the night off, since everyone was expected to be at the boat party, so only the roomba was on duty. The guys helplessly rummaged through the kitchen for dinner, but there were no more leftovers from the breakfast catered by Skip Church's bistro.

Oscar said, "I wish I'd had more free shrimp."

Then there was a knock on the door, and Buster answered it, to find Lucille Austero standing outside.

"Lucille 2." Buster was surprised, since she had spent a lot of her time with Sitwell lately.

"Uh, hello, Buster," she spoke nervously and couldn't help glancing at his hook, but she realized that this was rude, and cleared her throat. "I-I heard you coming home, and I wanted to check that you were okay, what with your mother and brother--"

"Who's that?" GOB asked, as he came to the door. "Oh."

Lucille 2 looked awkwardly between the brothers, both of whom she had dated once. "Oh, um, I didn't know that you'd both be here. Maybe--maybe I should go."

"No, no, stay," Buster said, feeling in need of a substitute for his incarcerated mother. He'd always had a problem separating his mother from her neighbor and social rival. "Come in."

"Really?" She looked at both of them, and also wondered why GOB had a bruise.

GOB shrugged and said, "Why not? Maybe you can help us out with dinner. We don't know how to cook."

"Oh, you boys haven't had dinner yet? I can have my cook make something right now."

Oscar popped out of the kitchen and asked, "Do you have any shrimp?"

"Oh!" Lucille 2 jumped slightly and felt a little vertigo, before catching hold of the sofa for support. Then she said, "Oh, George. It's nice to see you."

"No, I'm Oscar. George--George cut my hair, and sent me this tux for the party."

"Oh I see. Well, um, let's go across the hall and see about dinner, shall we?"

"All right." They followed her out, and Oscar asked, "Do you have any weed too?"

They had drinks while waiting for dinner, and Lucille 2 asked Buster about losing his hand. "I mean, I heard about it, but I-I couldn't ask Lucille for details."

Buster told her what happened, and GOB looked uncomfortable, leaving the room when they came to the part about him releasing the seal into the ocean. He hid in the kitchen and tried to flirt with the cook, but she was all business.

So GOB sipped his drink and wished that Michael was around, instead of in jail. At the very least, he wished he still had the yacht, and Franklin.

When everyone sat down to dinner, Buster treated GOB normally, without any lingering resentment, but Lucille 2 glanced at him rather reproachfully, especially when Buster told her about his encounter with the seal today.

GOB realized that he had no shot with Lucille Austero anymore. Well, that didn't matter, because GOB had a girlfriend now. If only she'd let him (bleep) her, though. He was beginning to learn what it was like to be Michael, deprived of sex for months. Sooner or later, he might have to break down and cheat with one of his escorts again. Or maybe, if Michael got out of jail soon, and he could be persuaded to give in to brotherly love... "Mikey."

"What?" Lucille 2 asked.

"What?" GOB hadn't realized that he'd spoken out loud.

Buster told him, "You said 'Mikey.' You're worried about his arrest too? Yeah, I hope he's not in a lot of trouble, and I hope Mom's okay."

"I hope so too." Lucille 2 patted his hand soothingly. "If there's anything you need at all, Buster, you just let me know."

"Thanks."

GOB returned to silently nursing his drink.

Oscar babbled about missing Lucille, and also longed for some pot.

After dinner, the Bluths thanked Lucille 2 and said goodnight. Buster retired to his room, while Oscar took the master bedroom that he had shared with Lucille, leaving only the couch for GOB.

GOB tried to switch with someone, or persuade them to share one of the rooms, but they said no.

"Don't you always sleep on the couch at Michael's anyway?"

GOB pouted, but grabbed some blankets and began to undress. He wished that he had his silk robe and boxers, but he had stashed those with his Segway, after going to pick up his tux for the party.

Then he lay down and turned off the lights, while for some reason, Buster took the roomba into his bedroom. GOB sighed and thought of Michael again, wondering how he was doing in jail.

GOB remembered their recent night in prison and wished that he hadn't been knocked out for most of the night. He could have tried something while they were locked up together. After all, Michael had seemed rather suggestible, even straddling GOB, when he could just as easily have read the map by sitting on the ground next to him.

GOB was growing impatient waiting for Michael to give in to him. He was pretty sure that Michael understood what he wanted, and yet Michael wouldn't give in, no matter how many months at a time he went without a girlfriend. No matter how many times he made up with GOB and wanted their fights to end. Michael was always afraid, and always running away.

If GOB had to wait any longer, then he'd have to try sleeping with his hooker Nellie again, and hope that it went better this time. When he first met her after performing his magic/puppet act at the club, he had been stunned by her resemblance to Michael, and he had wanted to (bleep) her. Franklin agreed that it was a good idea, even after she told them her high price for the night. But when they got to the hotel room, and tried to kiss, he couldn't do it. Nellie was like Michael, but she still wasn't him.

GOB had cried and slid off the bed, reaching for Franklin for comfort. He broke down about how he longed for Michael's love and respect. GOB had been afraid that Nellie would make fun of his confession, but she seemed rather blasé about it, and she asked him to be her pimp, so he and Franklin agreed. They handled her business over the phone, and also met with her periodically over the years, for more crying sessions. Nellie said that a lot of her clients seemed to cry for one reason or another, but they still had to pay.

Once Nellie met Michael, she agreed with GOB that he was hot, and she said that she would invite him up to her hotel room, where GOB could watch in the darkness. GOB had hoped that maybe he could do more than watch, if Michael were so inclined. Unfortunately, Michael wouldn't give in to Nellie either, and he soon discovered GOB and Franklin there. Michael claimed that the arrangement was even more twisted, because Nellie was supposedly their sister too, which upset them all. But by the next morning, Michael had turned out to be quite wrong about Nellie.

GOB believed now that maybe Michael had just been afraid that night, and making excuses to run away again. After all, why would he jump to such conclusions, without knowing Nellie's last name, or testing her DNA? Why wouldn't he have hired a private detective to find this so-called sister?

GOB still longed for his brother, and he had tried to tell Michael, to show him, several times, but Michael remained stubborn and moral and afraid. GOB sadly wondered how his wife Krindy had ever convinced her brother in the army to give in. He'd ask her for advice, but she was still mad at him about setting free her seals.


	6. Stubborn and Moral

**Michael has been held overnight in a cell at the local police station, sort of like what happened in episode 218, so the jail visitors won't be handled like they are in Orange County Prison, where the guards enforce "No Touching!" rules.**

* * *

After dinner at the model home, Tobias cleared the table and began washing the dishes, while everyone else decided to go to bed. As soon as they were out of earshot, Tobias stopped to pick up the phone on the counter.

He called and got Sitwell's voicemail. "This is Dr. Tobias Fünke. I thought you should know that George Bluth has been convincing Lindsay to stay his daughter. She even promised that she'd return all your birthday presents for money. Just FYI."

Upstairs, the kids' bedroom door was still locked, so they had to go through Lindsay and Tobias's room.

"Oh, I better not forget these." George Michael picked up the cashier's checks from the dresser.

George Sr. warned them, "Hey, no more locking doors and making out, okay? Annulment first."

"Okay, Pop-Pop." George Michael went through the adjoining bathroom and unlocked the door.

"Good boy. Now get your stuff and go downstairs. I left Franklin there, if you want company." Then George Sr. retired to the master bedroom.

George Michael didn't appreciate the reminder of GOB, but he didn't say anything. He put the cashier's checks on his desk and hung up his father's jacket, then pulled out his pajamas and robe.

Maeby was going to change too, but Lindsay drew her back to the pink room and sat her on the bed by the window. "Honey, while he's busy, let's have a girl talk."

"Girl talk?"

"Yeah, you know. About birth control."

"Oh Mom! Not the sex talk!" Maeby groaned. "I already know about--"

"I know, I know," Lindsay said, "but tell me about you and George Michael. How long have you been making out? Do you love him?"

"Mom!" Maeby shushed her, and she still wished that she were emancipated, so that she could get away from her parents.

"Come on, Maeby, this is new and exciting! I mean, I didn't even know that you broke up with Steve Holt."

"That was months ago!" Maeby had drugged Steve Holt with a forget-me-now, to make him think that they had sex, when they really didn't. Afterward, Steve was quite upset, believing that they were cousins, and she was relieved to stop dating him.

Lindsay said, "Well I'm sorry. I guess I was confused, because he kept coming around to see GOB too."

"Yeah, because GOB's his dad, and that makes us cousins. But wait, I guess technically we aren't blood-related either."

"Oh, and here I thought that Steve just liked doing magic with him!" Lindsay laughed. "Hey, isn't that funny, you dating both of your not-cousins?"

"No, it's not."

Lindsay shrugged. "Anyway, if you don't wanna talk about George Michael, fine, but we still need to discuss condoms, and maybe get you a prescription for birth control pills too." This was a rare attempt on her part to be a good mother.

Maeby still looked uncomfortable. The only thing that could have made it worse, would be Tobias joining in and trying to demonstrate with a banana.

Lindsay sighed with regret about her mostly sexless marriage. "Now, your daddy and I haven't had any... accidents ourselves, but I did date a lot of other guys before I met him, so I know how easy it is to get pregnant." Dozens of times.

While Maeby reluctantly listened to her mother, George Michael finished changing clothes and brushed his teeth. Then he grabbed a pillow and blanket to take downstairs, but first he looked in and said good night to them.

"Good night," Lindsay answered.

Maeby on the other hand jumped up and rushed over to him, kissing him passionately. George Michael nearly dropped the bedding.

But George Sr. came out to the hall and cleared his throat sternly.

So Maeby let go and murmured, "Good night."

"Yeah." George Michael nodded and smiled goofily. "G-Good night." Then he backed away clumsily and hurried around the corner toward the stairs.

Maeby watched him go and wished that she could escape, but Lindsay wanted to finish their 'girl talk.'

Tobias went upstairs as George Michael went down. After putting Franklin aside on the ottoman, George Michael made his bed on the living room couch. Then he turned off the lights and lay down, thinking about Maeby. He couldn't wait for his dad to get home, and for him and Maeby to get an annulment. Then everything would be perfect.

* * *

Over breakfast, George Sr. said that there wasn't enough room in the staircar to take everybody to the station, so they should probably call and ask somebody to bring over the Mercedes. "Buster and them might wanna come too."

George Michael said, "Just--just as long as I don't have ride with Uncle GOB. Um, I also have to give these checks to Dad's lawyer."

"Oh, well we'd better call her too, and see what time she can meet us there."

Maeby had to go to Tantamount Studios, though, and she decided to keep it a secret, in case she did want to emancipate herself after all. "Actually, I can't go today. I have school."

George Sr. asked, "I thought school was out already?"

"Right, but I'm in summer school, 'cause I missed so many classes at Openings, remember?"

"Oh, not that New Age feel-goodery!" George Sr. shook his head disapprovingly.

Lindsay and Tobias pretended that they knew all along about summer school. "Oh, yes! That was in that letter, right?"

"Yes, you should get back to school, young lady."

"Study hard, because you don't want to repeat the 9th grade again." Age-wise, Maeby should have just finished 11th grade with George Michael.

"Do you need a ride, Maeby?"

"No, I'll take the bus." To the place where she parked her red car.

So George Sr. called the penthouse, while Tobias cleared the dishes, and the others went upstairs to dress.

George Michael asked Maeby, "Are you really going back to school?"

She replied, "No, I'm just going to my job. I think I should keep working at the studio, so I'll have money to keep my car and my phone."

"Oh, okay. Well, I'll see you when you get home." He gave her a soft kiss, before going to change out of his pajamas in the bathroom.

Maeby glanced down at her clipboard of signatures and wondered if she should back out of pitching the TV series. The Bluths might become very upset with her if they found out about the show, and they might not let her see George Michael anymore. But on the other hand, no one had kicked Tobias out of the family for his involvement in _Scandal Makers_. Well, maybe she better go get Steve Holt's signature, just in case.

* * *

Oscar was still too afraid to be near cops or jails, so GOB and Buster left without him. Lucille 2 promised to pick up new glasses and a new prosthetic hand for Buster. At the model home, GOB immediately went inside to look for Franklin, whom George Sr. had mentioned on the phone.

"Franklin, where are you?" Then he spotted the puppet in the living room and rushed to hug him. "Oh, I thought I'd lost you and the yacht!"

"Come on, let's go," George Sr. said shortly. "We need to straighten out this mess with your mother." He was angry because Jan Eagleman had told him on the phone that she wasn't going to represent Lucille.

GOB said, "Wait, I gotta change out of this tux, Dad. And you said that you had my phone too."

"Oh yeah. Here." George Sr. handed over the cell phone. "The police wanted to confiscate it at first, but I claimed that it was mine. Apparently they only wanted evidence against Michael."

"Thanks, Dad. But why are they after Michael?"

"I don't know. Maybe because he's been running things for three years and hasn't learned how to cover up for Lucille yet. I gotta talk to the lawyer about the whole thing."

"Oh, okay. So I'll go get changed." He headed for the stairs.

"Wait, GOB. George Michael's up there. Make sure you don't bother him, because he's still pretty mad at you."

"He is?"

"Yeah."

"Mad enough to hit me again?"

George Sr. shrugged. "I don't know. He said he didn't want to ride in the car with you. Hey, why don't you just take your Segway there?"

"I left it at Steve Holt's."

_After George Michael took the yacht, GOB had to ride the Segway to his son's house, because he had no money and was only wearing his robe and boxers. Steve Holt agreed to pick up GOB's tuxedo for him, but looked disappointed that he wasn't invited to the boat party. "Can't I come with you, Dad? I didn't get to go to the gala either."_

_"No, it won't be any fun, and you don't even have a tux. I've gotta get revenge on Michael anyway. You stay here with your mom."_

_"Okay." Steve Holt turned away and did the sad Charlie Brown walk._

George Sr. told GOB, "Fine, then go with Buster in the staircar." As he exited, he called out, "George Michael, we're going!"

"I'm coming!" George Michael hurried downstairs with the checks and the marriage license, which Jan Eagleman had said he should bring. Then he spotted GOB in the living room and paused, glaring at his uncle silently.

GOB didn't dare to speak, so after George Michael left the house, GOB went up to the attic for some extra clothes. As he changed out of his tuxedo, he asked, "Hey, Franklin, you wanna come visit Michael?"

"No! Keep my black ass away from those mother(bleep)ing cops!"

"Oh, right. I forgot what dad said." Franklin had also been tackled once as a suspected kidnapper. So GOB said, "Well, you'll be safe here, and I'll come pick you up after I get the yacht back."

* * *

At the police station, George Michael met with Jan Eagleman first, to give her the checks and to discuss his annulment. She had also requested an interview with George Sr. afterward, which made him suspicious.

So Lindsay and Tobias visited Lucille in one room, while George Sr. met with Michael in another.

"Good morning, Lucille." Lindsay took pleasure in not calling her "Mom" anymore.

"How _are_ you?" Tobias asked as they sat down.

"How the (bleep) do you think I am?" Lucille answered indignantly. "I've been handcuffed, fingerprinted, photographed, and locked up in here all night. It's been over twelve hours since I've even had a drink!"

Lindsay gasped, because Lucille was always meaner when she was sober. "So it's like being in rehab?"

"Worse! And then I find out that I've been appointed some (bleep) lawyer, who says that I can't make bail, and that I'm getting transferred soon to some other prison to await my trial. If I could just transfer to Orange County Prison, the warden there would treat me well."

Tobias said, "Well, maybe the women's prison will be like Martha Stewart's prison? They might even make a movie about you. I wonder if I could play George again."

Lucille glared at him, then sighed. "Good grief, this family is just falling apart. Annyong turned out to be a mole, Michael took off with the checks, and I suppose you've already become a Sitwell?"

Lindsay answered, "Oh I'm not a Sitwell, even though you tried to sell me to him. I'm just using him for birthday presents and money. Dad said it was okay."

"Speaking of George, do you know why he switched with Oscar again? He wasn't bolting with Kitty the whore, was he?"

"No, he was planning a surprise for my birthday party this weekend."

"Really? He never mentioned that to me."

Lindsay gloated, "Dad wanted to make it extra special for me, because Michael was getting all that attention becoming CEO. But now I'll get his presents too."

Lucille rolled her eyes. "That's all very well for you, Lindsay, but I'm fighting for my freedom right now. I need to know that I can trust your father and depend on him to get me a better lawyer." She lowered her voice, "Apparently, Annyong gave the FBI some tapes full of evidence."

Tobias mused, "Hmm, I wonder how that kid got so much information without us knowing."

They all shrugged and murmured, "You can always tell a Milford man."

Meanwhile, George Sr. informed Michael that his son was with Jan Eagleman, and he asked, "Now what's this crap about her not representing Lucille?"

"It's a conflict of interest, Dad. Didn't she explain that to you?"

George Sr. scoffed dismissively. "I think you're trying to betray the family, Michael. Are you going to testify against your mother so that you can get immunity? That is not how I raised you, Michael!"

"Dad, I'm not betraying anybody. Mom can get another lawyer--"

"This family is supposed to stick together, or didn't you learn that from the mock trial?"

"Oh, like you were gonna stick together by taking GOB's yacht to Cabo? You planned to abandon the family even before the arrests, Dad."

George Sr. hushed him and glanced around, making sure that they weren't overheard.

Michael continued, "Besides, what I learned is that our family shouldn't stick too close together, or else we'll end up with problems like George Michael and Maeby getting married! By the way, tell me how he handled last night. Did you take him over to stay with Buster?"

"What? No, GOB and Oscar stayed with Buster. George Michael stayed on the couch downstairs."

"Oh." Michael frowned and worried. "But you made sure that he didn't sneak back up to Maeby, right?"

"Of course I did, Michael! You think I don't know all the ways to sneak around that house, after living in the attic last year?"

"Oh right. Well, thanks, Dad."

"Yeah, don't worry about the kids." George Sr. then recalled Maeby's request, so he began carefully, "Uh, look, don't get uptight, Michael, but we had a family meeting about this whole marriage thing, and we made a deal."

"Deal?" Michael blinked.

"Yeah. We're gonna let the kids date, as long as they get the annulment and George Michael doesn't knock her up."

"What? Knock her--? Dad!" Michael sputtered in horror. "How could you?"

George Sr. told him, "Easy, easy! There's no reason to get upset."

"Yes there is! They're cousins!"

"But they're not blood-related."

"But they're still family." Michael stared at his father incredulously. "Come on, I told you on the yacht that we needed to leave and get him over Maeby. I thought we were on the same page about this."

"Well, sure, I don't want them to stay married or get pregnant. They're too young for that. But there's no harm in dating, if they don't take it too seriously. Besides, I told you that your boy shouldn't wait any longer to have sex. It's time he became a man."

"With his own cousin!" Michael groaned and asked, "Wait, what did Lindsay say about this deal, huh? She doesn't care that her daughter and my--" Then Michael frowned and recalled Lindsay pouncing on him in bed and asking him to marry her. He should have known better than to expect normal morality from her. But still, wasn't the mere idea of marrying her adoptive brother, while their kids dated, at all icky to her?

George Sr. answered, "Hey, Lindsay was even excited about the kids being married, but I talked some sense into her and them. Anyway, it's no big deal, Michael. I don't see you getting this upset about the charges against you, or your mother." He accused, "You don't care because you already made your own deal, didn't you?"

"I didn't--! Don't change the subject, Dad! This is a disaster. I've gotta talk to my son. I've gotta get out of here and fix this myself."

George Sr. shook his head. "Michael, you know as well as I do that you can't control who your son dates. If you interfere, it will only drive them closer together, to spite you. But if you back off and let them do their thing, then they'll get sick of each other after a while and they'll move on."

"They should move on right now!" Michael insisted. "They're making a huge mistake. It's wrong and--"

"Michael!" George Sr. gave up the argument out of frustration. "You know, I don't have time for this! I've gotta see that lawyer, I've gotta make sure that Lucille's okay, and then I've gotta make it to that emergency shareholders' meeting. _Someone_ has to do right by this family, even if you won't, Mike." He got up and left the room.

Michael began to follow his father, but he ran into Lindsay and Tobias coming to the door. He asked them, "Is it true? You made a deal with the kids?"

"Yeah," Lindsay answered brightly. "They're so adorable together, Michael."

"Great." Michael shook his head and muttered, "So we can all be one big incestuous family!"

Lindsay said, "They're not blood-related."

Before he could retort, Michael spotted his son coming down the hallway. "George Michael!"

"Hey, Dad!" George Michael rushed to him and hugged him. "You're all right?"

"I'm fine. Come here." He pulled George Michael inside the room and shut the door on Lindsay and Tobias.

George Michael told him, "Jan Eagleman said that you'll probably be released later today. Isn't that great?"

"Yeah." Michael sat him down and spoke seriously, "Listen, buddy, I need to talk to you about Maeby again."

"Yeah, did Pop-Pop tell you--?"

"Oh, he told me, all right! God, I never should have trusted him and Lindsay to help you. What was I thinking?"

The smile faded from George Michael's face. "Wh-what do you mean?"

"I mean this stupid deal that they made with you and Maeby. You cannot date your cousin!"

"But she's not--"

"I know! But it's not about the blood! You told me last night that you understood that."

"Well, um, yeah... But they don't mind--"

Michael grabbed him by the shoulders. "Well they're wrong, George Michael! They're wrong. This is exactly why we should get away from this insane family. Look, buddy, I know that you're all mixed up now because of what they said, and but you cannot act on your feelings for Maeby! You can't be with her."

George Michael looked upset and asked, "Why not?"

"Because she's family!"

"But I--" He loved her.

"No, no!" Michael tried to shake some sense into him, then hugged him tightly. "They are not getting you, son! They're not going to corrupt you and make you just like them. I won't let that happen. First thing after I get out here, we're gonna pack our bags and get out of that model home, okay?"

George Michael blinked, looking shell-shocked. "We are?"

"Yeah. Don't worry. I'll throw GOB out of the penthouse so that we can stay there for right now. Then after the annulment, I'm gonna quit the Bluth Company, and we're getting the hell out of here. We're never coming back."

"N-never?" George Michael recalled Maeby urging him to stand up for himself, but he still couldn't form any words now. He felt so torn between her and his father, and he realized miserably that things weren't going to be perfect after all. George Michael started to cry.

Michael held onto him and shushed him, whispering, "Everything's gonna be all right, pal. I love you."

George Michael pulled away, but would not meet his father's eyes as he sniffled, "I-I have to go."

Michael assumed that his son was just embarrassed about crying, so he patted his back. "Sure, buddy. Just go home and wait for me to pick you up."

Getting up, George Michael said nothing and left unhappily.

* * *

Because the staircar was so slow, Buster and GOB arrived later than the rest of the family. GOB immediately went off to inquire about his yacht, while Buster ran into Lindsay and Tobias comforting George Michael in the hallway.

Lindsay said, "He's being so unreasonable! Don't worry, honey, we'll talk some sense into him. You're not going anywhere. We'll hide you with Stan Sitwell if we have to."

Buster approached and asked them, "Is Mom here?"

Tobias pointed to a door. "Oh, yes. She's right in there."

Lindsay said, "Hey, Buster, I'm taking George Michael home in the staircar. You and GOB can go home with Dad."

"Okay."

So Lindsay left the police station with George Michael, while Tobias went in and talked to Michael.

"Michael, why do you believe it's inappropriate for the kids to date? They're not really cousins."

Michael was growing tired of this conversation. "They're still family, and it's wrong. It's sick and wrong!"

"Why?" Tobias resumed his psychiatrist mode. "You know, Michael, I can't help but think that this might be related to the fact that you're attracted to me."

"I'm what?"

"You know--when I was interested in that girl Michael from the gym, and you thought I meant you. Methinks that you're projecting your own fear about getting involved with family onto--" He never finished the thought, because Michael angrily chased him from the room and slammed the door.

Then he sat down again, groaning and waiting for Jan Eagleman to come meet him. He even considered betraying the family after all, if only to break off all ties with them, once and for all.

Then GOB entered the room, and Michael was again disappointed that it wasn't his lawyer. GOB looked disappointed too, but he quickly cheered up and went to hug Michael intensely.

"No!" Michael grunted and pushed him off. "Stop it, GOB! I'm having a horrible day."

"Well, I'm having a horrible day, too," GOB answered. "I just tried to get my yacht back, but the police impounded it, and they say that I'm not the registered owner, 'cause it's under the Bluth Company name. So I told them that I'm the company president, but they didn't believe me."

Michael couldn't believe GOB's continued confusion. "That's because you're not president. I am."

"But you just got arrested, guy," GOB pointed out. "So that means I'm president again."

"No you're not! And I'll be out of here soon, anyway. It's my job, not yours."

"Hey, what do you care about who's in charge, Michael? You just tried to skip off to Cabo with my yacht." Typical Michael, fleeing down South America way.

Michael shushed him and denied, "I wasn't skipping off. I was just taking my son home, okay? He was very upset, as you should know."

GOB countered, "Well, he wouldn't have been upset, if you hadn't sent him over to my yacht in the first place."

"I didn't send him. I didn't even know about your... _girlfriend_." Michael spoke the last word with contempt, and he sighed. "GOB, how could you not tell me all these months who your Christian girlfriend was?"

"You never asked me, guy, and I had to keep it a secret from George Michael anyway."

"Yeah, because it was wrong, GOB! I mean, you should be ashamed of yourself. She's not even 18."

"No, she is. She told me herself."

"GOB, she's in the same grade as George Michael! And do you seriously think that if there was an age difference, that I wouldn't have tried to break them up because of that?" He'd certainly tried everything else.

"Why would she lie?"

Michael shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe she's going by some crazy, old-fashioned Biblical calendar. Maybe she's adding nine months in the womb."

GOB considered that. "Huh. So that's why we always had chaperones on our dates?" While chaperoning, her various Christian friends also tried to help reform him. "But hey, the Veals didn't mind me dating her, and they didn't care about her moving in with me on the yacht."

"Well, something's screwed up with that family anyway. Mrs. Veal can't be her mother. She doesn't even know what making love is."

GOB frowned and nodded. "That is weird. Well maybe I should break up with her, if she's not 18." He certainly wasn't going to wait two years for her to be legal.

"Of course you should break up. You never should have been dating her in the first place, GOB. I mean, even if you didn't know her real age, you should have known how George Michael would feel."

"But Michael, she dumped him! And she came in third place in the pageant, so she wanted a man."

Michael scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"Besides, you didn't want George Michael to date her anyway."

Michael blinked. "And you thought that _you_ dating her would fix that?"

"Yeah!" GOB felt that Michael never appreciated all the things that he did for him. "Plus, I helped you get out of those chains and save him, even after you stole my son. Anyway, so if I dump her now, will you help me get my yacht back?"

"Is that all you care about, GOB? Your yacht?"

"Come on, Michael! The cops won't let me get any of my stuff back, either, because they're still searching it. I left all my props there, and now I can't do my magic. I've only got Franklin now, 'cause Dad saved him. Are you gonna help me or not?"

"Fine!" Michael gave in. The police would probably stop searching and release the yacht once they got the cashier's checks, anyway. "But you gotta help me with something too, GOB. You stayed with Buster last night, right?"

"Yeah, and I guess I'll have to stay there until I get my yacht back."

"No you can't stay at the penthouse, GOB. I need you to leave, because George Michael and I are going there as soon as I get out of jail."

"You are? Why?"

"Because I need to get him away from Maeby and those idiots who made that deal."

"What deal?" GOB asked. "Why's George Michael mad at Maeby?"

"He's not mad at her. What, nobody told you yet?"

GOB shook his head. In a hurry, George Sr. had not explained about the kissing cousins over the phone.

So Michael explained with a sigh, "Well, he's got some big crush on Maeby, and they accidentally got married. Then Dad, Lindsay, and Tobias made a deal with the kids that they could date if they get an annulment. Can you believe that?"

GOB shrugged and only wondered, "But Lindsay's adopted, right?"

"They're still family!" Michael insisted stubbornly. "Promise me that you're not gonna take their side, GOB. We cannot let those kids be together."

GOB didn't care either way, only looking out for his self-interest. "And if I do, then you'll help me get my yacht back?"

"I'm serious," Michael pressed. "Don't let Dad talk you into agreeing with him." Feeling outnumbered, he really wanted GOB to be loyal to him again. But maybe he was expecting too much, especially given GOB's own incestuous harrassment of Michael. "Please."

GOB answered, "Okay. I'll move out, but where should I go, then?"

Michael shrugged. "I guess you can go stay at the model home until the yacht's released. But listen, GOB, you can't be around when George Michael and I are packing up and moving. I don't want you to upset him again."

"All right, I'll hide or go to Steve Holt's to get my Segway. Then you'll get my yacht back, right?"

"Right."

"Great!" So GOB hugged Michael excessively again, even pushing onto the same chair with him.

"Hey!" Michael turned away from his kiss and groaned. "Okay. That's enough. Stop."


	7. Maybe a Movie

**In episode 301, GOB and Steve Holt arrive in Reno in a red Camaro, and the car looks like an older model, possibly from the 1980s. Steve Holt is driving and may have bought it used, but I'm half convinced that it's a reference to the Camaro that GOB supposedly won on Card Sharks, but actually got from George Sr. Or maybe the Camaro was a rented car, but I didn't think that car rentals kept a lot of older models around.**

**Anyway, I'm trying not to let this issue drive me nuts, so that I can concentrate on moving this plot forward. The details about California child labor laws are based on a pamphlet that I found on the web.**

* * *

Maeby drove to Steve Holt's house, and found him sitting sadly on his front steps. She parked close by and called to him, "Hi!"

"Hi, Maeby!" He stood up and came to the curb. "Cool car. Is that your birthday present?"

She got out and smiled. "Sort of."

"Sweet. I got a Camaro that's the same color. My dad said that it looked just like one that he used to have. Cool, huh?"

"Sure." She grabbed her clipboard and pen. "Um, I was wondering if you could sign this for me. It's--"

"Okay." Steve was so popular in school that he was constantly asked for his yearbook autograph at the end of the year. He didn't even wonder why Maeby wasn't giving him an actual book. It could just be a quirk of that New Age school she transferred to. After he signed the paper, Steve raised his arms and cheered, "Steve Holt!"

Maeby laughed and echoed, "Steve Holt!" Then she put the clipboard away and said, "Thanks. I'll see you around."

But he stopped her and became more serious. "Hey, Maeby, wait--um, is everything okay? I saw on the news all the stuff that happened at the boat party."

"Yeah, that was crazy."

"And I think that the police got my dad's yacht too. They didn't arrest him, did they?" Steve had been worried, and he would have tried to call GOB last night, if not for his mother's objections. Eve Holt had warned him that it was better not to hang around the Bluths anymore, because they were always getting into so much trouble.

Maeby answered, "No, he's fine. He's staying over at Gangee's place."

"Oh, good! That's at Balboa Towers, right?"

"Yeah. The penthouse."

"Cool. Well I guess I'll go see him."

Maeby said, "But right now he's probably visiting Uncle Mike and Gangee in jail."

"Okay, thanks."

"You're welcome. Bye." Maeby waved, then got back into the car.

Steve Holt watched her drive away and cheered, "Not arrested!" before he happily ran off to his Camaro.

* * *

Back at the police station, Michael was finally meeting with his lawyer Jan Eagleman.

"I just turned over the cashier's checks to the police, and to keep them from charging your son with obstruction of justice, I convinced them that he took the checks accidentally, while he was distracted and upset by your arrest. However, my meeting with your father didn't go quite as well."

Michael was not surprised. "Did he rant about how I'm betraying the family?"

She nodded. "He said that if there's a conflict of interest, then I should represent Lucille instead and stick you with the flunkie. Or even let you defend yourself, since you like playing a lawyer so much."

"Well, I did all right at the mock trial."

"Yes, but you were defending your father, not yourself, and I don't think that the prosecution is going to risk any more improper behavior now. They have incriminating tapes from the FBI, and they don't want this case thown out."

"I see. So, do you have any idea what's on these tapes?"

"Not yet. They're making copies and transcripts now. Anyway, when I tried to discuss your case with your father, he was completely uncooperative. He even refused to admit that the $300,000 on the yacht was his money."

Michael was shocked. "Really? He lied about that?"

"Yes. He said you were lying, and claimed that he never intended to go to Cabo. He had no reason to flee, with all the charges dropped against him."

Michael frowned with worry. "He's not going to say that in court, is he?"

"Not if I can help it. But if the prosecution calls on him, then we'll treat him as a hostile witness. But we still have the fact that he switched places with Oscar to discredit him, and the police are going to check the cash for fingerprints, too. Since your father's prints are already on record, it should be an easy match, assuming that he didn't wear gloves. We might also be able to find the bank where he cashed the check from Sitwell."

"Oh good." Michael tried to be optimistic. "But if worse comes to worst, then maybe I could testify against Mom in exchange for immunity."

She blinked. "You'd do that to your own mother?"

"Well, she was ready to let my dad rot in jail for her, and Dad's already selling me out."

"You're right." Jan sighed and spoke with regret, "You know, I would have preferred your family to stick together instead of fighting like this, but I guess we have no other choice now."

"Yeah. Just get me bailed out as soon as you can. I need to get home to my son."

"I will, and I'll try to set up an annulment hearing with a judge soon. You and the kids should probably be there to testify that you didn't intend the mock wedding to be real and binding."

* * *

In the other room, Buster was still visiting his mother, when George Sr. came in. "Hey, Father/Uncle Dad."

"Hello, George." Lucille was cold and wary of trusting her runaway husband.

He sat down and lied, "Honey, I wasn't trying to escape again. I had my whole retirement to look forward to. I mean, sure, I wasn't crazy about still having Buster around, but I could've just kicked him out."

Buster reacted anxiously to this.

George Sr. continued, "It's Michael that you shouldn't trust. He's betrayed the family, and he's going to testify against you."

"Oh no. You've got to get me a better lawyer!"

"Of course, and I'll find out what prison they're sending you to. Maybe we can get you under house arrest instead. Or at least find a nice place with ice cream sandwiches."

Lucille fixed him with a scornful look, and said, "I need a drink."

* * *

Soon George Sr. had to leave for the shareholders' meeting, so he gathered up Buster, GOB, and Tobias, who told him that Lindsay and George Michael had left earlier.

George started the car, and asked, "So Michael's still overreacting about the kids, huh?"

Tobias nodded from the backseat. "Yes. Apparently he plans to move out of the model home as soon as he's released today; then he and George Michael are going to go stay at Lucille's."

"What?" Buster pointed out that the apartment was already crowded.

Tobias answered, "Oh, he mentioned something about getting rid of GOB. But Michael only wants to stay long enough to get the annulment. He's making the same old threats about leaving town and abandoning the family for good."

"Oh, not that again!"

Buster said, "He's the boy who cried Phoenix!"

GOB was particularly surprised and upset. "What, he's still leaving town?" He became worried that Michael had lied to him.

Tobias said, "Oh, Michael's not really going anywhere. He's just running away from his feelings again. Poor little John Wayne."

George Sr. rolled his eyes and felt annoyed, even if Tobias was probably correct about Michael. Tobias just had a way of ticking off his father-in-law, even to the point of trying to shove him out of a moving car. But Tobias was in the backseat this time, and George Sr. had no time for delays now.

GOB tried to believe Tobias's assessment, but he couldn't help taking Michael's threat seriously this time. Maybe Michael had agreed to get the yacht back, only so that he could steal it again, and go to Cabo? Maybe he asked GOB not to be at the house so that he wouldn't be able to stop them? GOB growled, "Michael!"

George Sr. said dismissively, "Well, let's not worry about him now. We just gotta get through this shareholders' meeting, then get a better lawyer for Lucille."

Wondering if Michael had lied about this too, GOB asked, "Dad, am I the company president again?"

"What? No, that's what this meeting is for. They're trying to decide who's in charge now that Lucille and Michael are under arrest."

"Oh. So does that mean I have to impress the board again? But I don't have any of my magic stuff with me."

"No, GOB, I don't need any of your dumb tricks."

"Illu--"

George Sr. talked over him, "Look, if I need to nominate you to be interim president, then I will, GOB. But that's it. You just stay out of the way, and let me handle it." It was not a bad idea, actually; he could make GOB his puppet president, as long as GOB didn't screw it up somehow.

"Okay, Dad." GOB realized that if he were president, then he wouldn't need Michael's help to get his yacht back. So maybe he could get a different favor from him instead. But first he'd have to get revenge for being lied to and manipulated.

When they arrived at the Bluth Company, George Sr. ushered Buster, Tobias, and GOB into Michael's office. "You guys wait in here while I'm in the meeting."

GOB sat down on Michael's chair and played with his computer. He liked leaving naughty notes and pictures for Michael. Michael had never responded, though, merely deleting every inappropriate message on his screen.

Buster sat on the couch while Tobias paced around and expounded on his theory about Michael being attracted to him. "But he feels guilty because I'm married to Lindsay, who it turns out is not blood-related to him either. However, he still equates his attraction to incest--thus his revealing statement that it's sick and wrong."

GOB frowned with annoyance, and then his cell phone rang, so he answered it. "Hello? Oh, Steve Holt."

"Hi, Dad! I was gonna pick you up in my Camaro, but I went to Orange County Prison by mistake. Are you still at the police station, or did you go home already?"

"Uh, well I'm kind of busy right now..." GOB didn't intend to hide at Steve's, like Michael wanted him to, anymore.

"But don't you still need your clothes and your Segway?"

"Oh right. Yeah, I need my stuff back. Maybe you could bring it by the office?"

"Sure, Dad. I'll drive over there right now."

"Okay. I'll meet you in the parking lot." So GOB got up and headed for the elevator, glad to get away from his blowhard brother-in-law.

* * *

In the conference room, George was stunned to see Stan Sitwell and Lucille Austero at head of the table. "What the (bleep) are you doing here?"

"We're shareholders, George. And I'll ask you to please not speak that way in front of the lady." Sitwell smiled and took Lucille 2's hand affectionately.

She asked George, "Oh is Buster here with you? I have some things for him." She reached for a bag containing Buster's new glasses and prosthetic hand.

George told her, "He's in Michael's office," but still glared at Sitwell.

"Thank you. I'll go see him now." She excused herself from the group, and gave Sitwell a kiss before she left the room.

While George took a seat in disgust, Sitwell cleared his throat and began his speech, "Well, then we'll get started without my lovely partner. In light of the recent arrests, I propose that we appoint an interim president and CEO, for the duration of these S.E.C. trials, however long they may be."

"Wait, wait!" George protested. "Who says that you get to run the meeting?"

"My majority shareholder position. Or rather mine and Lucille Austero's. Sitwell and Standpoor now hold the largest combined share of stock in the company. Not counting the Bluths, of course, but with Lucille and Michael Bluth in jail, who would count them?" He chuckled.

"You horse's ass. You're trying to take over the company."

"Yes, and I've made no secret of that, George." He addressed the group again, "With these arrests, the company stock has begun falling dramatically, and we'll be back to a Triple Sell rating in no time. It's likely that the FBI will freeze the corporate assets just as they did when George was charged. I don't think that the Bluth Company can stay afloat on its own much longer, and Sitwell Housing is willing to take on the burden. I urge you to act quickly before you won't be able to cash out all."

Nearly everyone clapped and reacted positively to this speech.

George told them, "Oh come on! This offer is too good to be true, and you know it. He's a vulture feeding off our carcass. Yeah, one of those big bald buzzards."

Sitwell could not be fazed, and he only raised one fake eyebrow as he glanced at George Sr.'s bald head. "No, I'm trying to save the company and revitalize it. I want to bring in some new blood that could turn it around."

George scoffed. "What new blood? You and the widow Austero? You couldn't handle this company on its best day, and you only want to buy this company for revenge, so that you can shut it down and stick it to me."

"Not at all. I want this company to thrive for Lindsay's sake."

"Lindsay?"

Sitwell announced to the board, "Yes, Lindsay Bluth Fünke, the one Bluth who's never been in charge before, and who more importantly isn't in jail now. She has been passed over for too long, and it's time that she had the chance to prove herself."

"Are you crazy? She doesn't know how to run the company."

"Only because you were too chauvinistic to teach her, George. I propose that we appoint her the interim company president, while I become CEO and take her under my wing. I'll leave Sitwell Housing in my daughter Sally's capable hands, while I teach Lindsay everything that she needs to know about running a successful housing company. We'll have a fresh start with a fresh face, and it will be great PR to get everybody's minds off the old CEO and president."

The shareholders cheered him enthusiastically.

George only muttered to himself, "Oh, good God. It's not the company he's after; it's Nellie. He just wants to steal her and brainwash her into becoming a Sitwell."

While everyone else took a vote on Sitwell's proposal, George left the conference room and called Lindsay. "Honey, Sitwell's trying to take over the business, but I've got a plan. I need you to come meet me at the office."

"But I'm taking care of George Michael now."

"He's a big boy. He'll be all right."

"No, he's still upset about Michael going off the deep end about him and Maeby."

"I know, but this is more important, honey. I can send Buster and Tobias over if you want. Just come here now."

She sighed and said, "All right." When she hung up, she told George Michael, "It's an emergency at the office. Dad's sending over Buster and Tobias to stay with you. While I'm gone, maybe I can talk to Sitwell too about hiding you from Michael for a while. I think he has a guest house where you can stay, and Michael would never suspect it."

George Michael sighed, "But I wish my dad would change his mind."

"I know. We'll still work on that. Don't you worry." She gave him a hug and kiss before going. "Bye."

"Bye." After his Aunt Lindsay drove away, George Michael decided to call Maeby.

* * *

That morning at Tantamount Studios, Maeby turned in her clipboard to her boss Mort Meyers, and then they both pitched their show to Ron Howard, who suggested that they make a movie instead.

Mort said, "Great idea! We can capitalize on the blockbuster publicity that this _Queen Mary_ capture brought on the family. But we gotta move fast on it."

But once Maeby returned to her office, Mort Meyers had bad news for her. "Hey I need you to get your family to sign release forms for the movie rights."

"What? Why can't we just use their signatures for the TV rights?"

"They're not the same thing, legally speaking. Talk to the studio lawyers. Besides, everything's changed now with the new arrests."

She picked up her signed releases. "So what, these were a complete waste of my time?"

"No, no, we'll keep these signatures on file, in case the movie's a huge hit and we end up making a TV show anyway. Just wait here. I'll have the new forms sent over, and then you can drive back home."

"But I just got here."

"I know, but it shouldn't be hard to get new signatures, since you already got your family to sign these. Just visit your grandmother and uncle in jail, and take the rest of them out to a nice lunch or dinner. If they're having second thoughts because of the new trials, then remind them that they can still sell their book rights and whore themselves out for inteviews. The movie will be great for everybody."

Maeby rolled her eyes. "My dad's probably gonna want a part too."

"Yeah, we'll write some bit part in. Which reminds me, I better get the writers to start reworking the script into a movie." Tantamount had already started a script based on what Maeby told them the day that she came to beg for her job back.

After Mort left, Maeby sighed and wondered whether she really could get new signatures, if she schmoozed her family enough. But Michael probably wouldn't agree to sign anything for her, let alone do it without reading it. He only signed the last form because he thought it was Lucille's letter about the company stock.

Then one of the studio lawyers came into her office, regarding a work permit. "We've got to get this done quickly, before we're fined for the child labor violations. Now, what school did you go to before summer started?" Work permits required approval from the child's school. "We need to request your school records too, to show that you're getting passing grades."

Maeby pouted. "Come on! Why can't I just get emancipated?"

"Even if you got emancipated, you still would have to go to school until you're 18, or you can go to the studio tutor that we use for the child actors. And like them, you can only work a limited number of hours here anyway."

"(Bleep)." So that was why Mort was sending her home so soon.

The lawyer continued, "Emancipation affects things like signing contracts, getting your driver's license, getting insurance, and whether you can get a work permit without your parents' permission. Plus, you can live on your own and keep your studio income out of the control of your parents."

"Yeah, that's what I want to do," she answered. "I don't want to live with them anymore, and I want to keep my money."

"Okay. So I'll put in the paperwork on the emancipation. But we still gotta get your work permit done soon."

"Fine. How long does an emancipation take? Is it longer than an annulment?"

"Annulment? You're married, Maeby?"

"Yeah."

The lawyer blinked. "Then I think you're already emancipated."

Her eyes lit up. "I am?"

"Yeah. I think that in California, if you get married, you're automatically emancipated. It's not my specialty, though. I'd have to check the laws, and probably get a copy of your marriage license too."

"Well, please check it for me. I'll, uh, go home and get the marriage license today."

"Good. Now about your school, and your work permit..."

She told him that she had dropped out of both Balboa High and Openings. "Actually, I guess I was expelled because I never went to class."

The lawyer did not like this, and worriedly left to see what he could do.

Meanwhile, some intern dropped off the new release forms.

"Oh thanks. Tell Mort that I'll get those signatures right away." But first Maeby reached for her old clipboard and went to make a photocopy of Michael's signature, so that she could forge it later at home. Maybe she should make copies of the other signatures too, in case any of the family turned out to be holdouts.

Then Maeby gathered her stuff and left the studio in a much brighter mood than before. As she got into her car, she wanted to call George Michael about the marriage, but decided to see him in person instead, to better read his reaction to the news. If she and George Michael were both emancipated, then nobody could tell them what to do. They wouldn't even need to live in the model home or promise not to have sex. They could decide everything for themselves, and they'd be free.

As she raced back to Newport Beach, her phone rang, and it was her husband after all. "Hi. How'd it go with your dad?"

"Horrible." He sounded very upset and depressed.

"What, he's not gonna get released?"

"No, he is. It's just--he didn't like our deal, Maeby. He was mad at Pop-Pop, and..." George Michael sniffled and couldn't go on. "C-can I come over and see you?"

"Actually I'm on my way back right now. How about I meet you at the banana stand, and we can go have lunch?"

"Okay." So he hung up, then rode his bike out to Balboa Island.

When they met, they kissed and hugged each other, lingering in front of the closed banana stand for a moment.

Then they went to a restaurant for lunch, and after they ordered, Maeby asked, "So what happened at the jail? Was your dad still freaked out about us?"

He nodded, then told her what Michael had said about leaving forever.

Maeby was pissed off. "See, what I'd tell you? Your dad's trying to run off again, and he doesn't care how you feel."

George Michael picked at his food sadly. "He thinks that he's doing the right thing for me, but he just wouldn't listen, and he kept saying that we're still family."

"I don't care what he says. You're not moving to Buster's, and you're sure as hell not leaving for Cabo, or wherever else he's planning to go."

"I think he might have meant Arizona or something. I don't know. He just wanted to get away from the family for good. Anyway, Lindsay said that they would all keep trying to change Dad's mind, and that until then, I should go stay at Stan Sitwell's guest house, so that Dad couldn't find me."

"You mean you just wanna hide from him?"

"I don't know what I want to do, Maeby. I hate this."

"Me too. But look, I think we could do something even better than just running away. I was talking to this lawyer at the studio today, and I found out that we're emancipated."

"Emancipated?"

"Yeah, it happened automatically when we got married. So if we don't get the annulment, then we can just move out, and live on my studio money. Your dad can't do anything about it, and he can't make you move away."

"What? You mean, we should stay married?"

"Yeah, I know, it'll be weird, but we could always get a divorce later, when we're 18."

"Oh, you want a divorce?" He looked hurt that she was talking about it already.

She took his hand. "No, I just mean, since we're so young, and we'll probably have sex before we're 18, so an annulment won't work anymore."

"Oh." He blinked at the thought of having sex. "Wh-when would we...?"

"I don't know." She shrugged. "But we might have to lie at first about consummating it, to keep your dad from trying to annul our marriage, you know?"

He sat closer and asked her, "Do you really wanna be with me, Maeby? I mean, not just to be emancipated? If we weren't married--"

"Of course I wanna be with you! I only felt weird about us when I thought we were still cousins. But we're not, and I'm not gonna let your dad take you away from me now. Besides, I made that deal with Pop-Pop too, before I knew that we were emancipated already. But look, if we stay married, George Michael, then we don't have to stick by that deal, and we don't have to be afraid about your dad."

George Michael saw her point. "So I wouldn't have to go to Buster's or hide at Stan Sitwell's?" He also liked the idea that they would get to sleep in the same room again, and maybe fool around immediately, if not have sex.

"Right. Besides, I want to get away from my parents too, and make sure that they can't spend all my movie money. The only bad thing is that the lawyer says I still have to get a work permit and go back to school, but you could always do my homework for me again, right?"

"I guess so. But how do we tell my Dad?"

"I don't know. When is he getting out of jail?"

"Later today."

"Okay, well then let's go to the house and pack our stuff first. I gotta get a copy of the marriage license too, to show my lawyer."

"I already gave it to Jan Eagleman, for the annulment."

"Oh (bleep). Well, we gotta get it back from her now. I better check with my lawyer to make sure that nobody can make us get an annulment against our will. Maybe he can suggest something too." So she paid for their meal, and they left the restaurant.

He asked again, "What about my dad?"

She shrugged and led the way to her car. "Well, when he gets out, I think you should stand up to him and tell him that you're already emancipated. He can't control you anymore, or make decisions for you."

"But he'll be mad."

"Probably. I'll tell him off too, and then we'll leave with our bags. If he tries to come after us, then I'll tell him to talk to our lawyer. We'll take this to court if we have to."

George Michael didn't like the sound of that. "I don't want to fight with him, Maeby. He's already got problems with his arrest."

"Well that's not our fault. We have to do this, if he's gonna keep up this whole 'we're still family' nonsense."

"But maybe we should wait a little longer, Maeby. I mean, let the family try to convince him again."

"If Pop-Pop and my parents already tried, then I don't think waiting is going to help. Anyway, we have to stop your dad before he gets our marriage annulled."

"But maybe we should wait and see--"

Now Maeby was getting pissed off at him. "Why can't you stand up to him, George Michael? Why can't you stop being such a daddy's boy?"

He blinked and stammered, "I-I'm not... I just don't want to hurt him, Maeby. He's making a mistake, but--"

Maeby shook her head and felt hurt. "If you're not even gonna fight for us, George Michael, then you might as well go back to Bland!" She turned and ran to her car.

"No, Maeby! Wait!" He caught up to her and grabbed her from behind, clinging even when she tried to make him let go. "Don't go. Please. I don't want her anymore, Maeby. I just want you."

She turned around, and they kissed each other with tears in their eyes. She asked him, "And you just punched GOB out on the yacht because she was your ex? You didn't really want her back?"

He shook his head. "No, my dad told me to go back to her days ago, but I waited until the last minute to even go ask her to the boat party. I still thought about you every night that I was sleeping in the other room, and I wasn't over you at all. I-I just didn't know what else to do, Maeby, and I guess it was just like you deciding to get your job back at the studio."

She nodded and felt better. "I wasn't over you, either. I just thought it would be a good distraction, to help me stop thinking about you. I could go away on a long shoot too, and maybe earn enough money to get a lawyer and get away from my parents. But now we can stay together, George Michael. We can move out and get our own place, maybe up in L.A."

George Michael answered, "Yeah, I guess we should leave. This is just really hard for me, Maeby, because I don't hate my dad. I love him, and I don't want to lose him for good. He's all I've got left since my mom died..."

"I know." She kissed him again and spoke more sympathetically, "Look, I don't hate your dad, either. I'm just angry at him, and I hate that he's still treating you like a little kid. We need to teach him a lesson and show him that you're grown up now. He has to listen to you, not control you."

"Yeah. Maybe us moving out will teach him a lesson. Maybe he'll change his mind about us later, and he'll come make up with us in L.A."

"Sure, I guess. And heck, maybe my parents will miss me too and actually pay attention to me for once?" She highly doubted it, though. "We'll teach them all a lesson."

"All right."

"So let's go pack." They got in the car and drove back to the model home.


	8. Michael Gets Out

**A deleted scene from the season 3 DVDs shows that George Michael does indeed have a cell phone, and I just remembered that he used his phone in _Spring Breakout_ too. So I fixed the references in the earlier chapters.**

**I also identified the old silver car, so I'm going to start calling George and Lucille's car the Mercedes for short. (Although Maeby's car is a maroon Mercedes, I'm just going to refer to it as a red convertible, to avoid confusion.)**

**Anyway, there's still some plot details I must establish, but the sex will definitely happen in the next chapter.**

* * *

After calling Lindsay, George Sr. went back to Michael's office. Lucille Austero was sitting with Buster and complimenting him on his new glasses and hand. "It does look very real. But why don't you take the plastic off?"

Buster said, "J. Walter Weatherman won't give refunds when you take it out of the plastic. I'll just try it out for now."

George Sr. glanced at her, then asked the others, "Where did GOB go?"

Tobias replied, "Oh he got a phone call from Steve Holt earlier. Then he left."

"Oh. Well, never mind. I don't need him to be president now. Sitwell's got those other shareholders acting like sheep. Anyway, Lindsay's on her way over here, so I need you guys to go to the model home and look after George Michael."

"Oh, okay." So they got up and left.

Lucille 2 waved goodbye to Buster, then she asked George Sr., "Lindsay's coming over now? Oh, and Stan wanted this to be a surprise."

"Surprise! You sure surprised me. So you knew that Sitwell was going to nominate her for interim president?"

"Yes I did, and I think it's a great idea."

He scoffed.

"You're so old-fashioned, George! Only rewarding your daughter's looks and not her brains. But Lindsay has spirit and she's gone into business for herself before. She might have succeeded, if you had nurtured her, like Stan has nurtured Sally."

George Sr. recalled Lindsay's failed "Mommy, What Will I Look Like?" and "Dip-a-Pet" businesses with scorn. Michael had paid for those, not him. "Those were hippie fads, and she wasn't even smart enough to show what the babies looked like in their 20s, instead of their 50s. Or better yet, substitute good-looking models for everyone."

"Well, at least she was honest, George, and she can learn from the experience. This will be good for Lindsay, and it will be good for the company too. I mean, do you really want the company you built to fall apart after all these years? I have always only wanted to support your family."

"If you really wanted to support us, then you'd sell us back your shares of the company!"

Lucille 2 shook her head. "And watch everyone cash out and leave? No. This is better, for the future of your children and your grandchildren. They're going to need all the help they can get." She then left and rejoined Sitwell in the conference room.

Now that he was alone, George Sr. closed the door and locked it. Then he sat at the desk and noticed something on the computer screen. It was a jumble of poorly spelled obscenities about wanting to (bleep) Michael.

"Ugh! Tobias." George Sr. deleted it with disgust, then he called Lindsay again, and told her about Sitwell's deal.

* * *

The author of those homosexual ramblings stood in the parking lot with his son.

"Thanks, Steve. Hold this for a second." GOB got onto his Segway and opened up the black pouch to put his clothes inside. Steve had also brought along GOB's robe and boxers, from yesterday.

"Oh cool. I didn't know that had a zipper."

"Yeah, it's where I put things, like—Oh." He pulled out a dead dove and discarded it. A strong odor remained inside the pouch. "Ugh. I better clean this out first."

Steve said, "Maybe we can take it to my place and wash it out."

"Nah, I gotta stay around here 'cause--" Then GOB turned and saw Buster and Tobias going toward the silver Mercedes. "Hey, Busty! Where are you going?"

"Lindsay's coming over here, so Dad told us to go to the house and look after George Michael."

"Oh." He grabbed the clothes from Steve. "Hey, do you guys mind taking my clothes to the house? Just leave them in Michael's room." It was part of his planned revenge.

"Okay." So they got into the car, with Buster holding the clothes, and Tobias driving.

GOB was glad that Buster wasn't wearing his hook, which could rip the delicate silk.

Steve Holt asked, "The house? But I thought you were staying at Balboa Towers, Dad."

"Uh, yeah, but I'm moving back today. Michael's coming home soon, and I wanna get over there."

"Oh. Then maybe I can help you move. We can load your boxes in my car."

"Nah, I don't have my stuffs yet, 'cause everything's still on my yacht. The police impounded it."

"Oh, that's too bad. But maybe I can drive you there, to get the yacht back."

GOB shrugged, getting weary of his clingy son. "I guess. But I won't be able to get it until I'm company president again. I better get back upstairs. My dad's getting me appointed right now."

"Oh. Okay, Dad."

"Bye." GOB rode his Segway back inside the building, to ask if anyone had disinfectant and deodorizer.

Steve Holt lingered by his Camaro and tried to think positively. His father was going to be the president again, so they would do more illusions together, at the company board meetings.

When GOB got upstairs, he went to the president's office and knocked.

"Lindsay?" George Sr. unlocked the door, then frowned with disappointment. "Oh. I should have known that she couldn't get here this fast in the staircar."

GOB strolled to the desk and tried to sit down in Michael's chair, but George Sr. beat him to it. So GOB walked to another chair as casually as possible. "Am I president yet, Dad? Can I go get my yacht?"

"No, you can't." George Sr. told him that Lindsay had been voted in.

"What? But I'm the oldest!"

"Technically, she is."

"Oh, right. Well, then she's not even a real Bluth."

"I know that. This is a just ploy by Sitwell to take over the company and make her a Sitwell. But don't worry, I'm going to turn the tables on that hairless freak."

"Well, what about my yacht?"

"I don't care. Get Lindsay to sign it over to you later. We've gotta worry about the company now. I need you to go get your mom a new lawyer."

"Right now?"

"Yeah, right now. You're not busy, and I've got just the guy." He wrote down the lawyer's name and address from the computer. "Go meet with him and invite him out to lunch with me. If he thinks that we don't have enough money, tell him that this is his retainer." He wrote down a big number from their legal defense fund. George Sr. also hoped that he could get his $300,000 cash back somehow, if the lawyer could get the evidence thrown out.

"All right, Dad." GOB sighed and left the office.

As he went downstairs and got his Segway, GOB thought about his plan for revenge against Michael.

He would sneak into Michael's room and hide in the closet or under the bed. Then when Michael came home and tried to pack his bags, GOB would pounce on him. He would confront Michael about lying to him, and tell him that he wasn't president anymore, and punish him for the betrayal.

GOB could hardly wait to punish Michael. He wanted to pin him to the bed and spank him and touch him everywhere... There were so many things he wanted to do. But he would have to lock the door quickly enough so that George Michael wouldn't come in, and he would have to make sure that Michael wouldn't lock himself in the bathroom again.

_GOB had previously tried to take over the master bedroom when he first became company president._

_Lindsay and Tobias had returned to the pink room with the twin beds without argument, but GOB decided to sneak into Michael's bed that night._

_Michael woke up and said, "Hey! GOB, what are you doing?"_

_GOB was wearing just his boxers, and he smiled. "This is my bed now. I'm company president."_

_"And I have no problem with that," Michael answered, reflexively. But when GOB tried to come nearer, he added, "But I do have a problem with this. Get out!"_

_"No, it's my bed, Michael. I'm in charge. You're just the vice president now."_

_Michael couldn't believe that GOB was trying to impose his fake authority at home. "What, are you gonna make me sleep on the couch downstairs?"_

_"No, I've decided to be generous, since you're my brother. We can share the bed." GOB grinned wickedly, but Michael backed away._

_"N-no, I'm leaving!"_

_GOB caught him and wouldn't let go. "No, come on, Mikey! It'll be fun."_

_Michael knew what kind of fun GOB meant. "No way!"_

_"Why not? You even let Buster share with you last year."_

_"That's different. He wasn't--" But then again, Buster did get too friendly in his sleep, while missing Mom._

_"You didn't do stuff with him? Like..." GOB leaned close and tried to kiss him._

_"No!" Michael kicked him out of the bed._

_"Ow!" GOB landed on the floor._

_Michael said, "Mom appointed you president. Why don't you go live with her?"_

_"No, Mikey, I want--"_

_"No! It's wrong." Michael got up, then locked himself in the bathroom._

_"Mikey, don't be a chicken!"_

_"Stop it, GOB! Please. You'll wake everybody up."_

_"Fine." GOB pouted and went back to the bed, getting cold already without his robe. He got under the covers and hoped that Michael would change his mind after he got cold too._

_But Michael didn't come back, only taking a brief peek to see if GOB was still there. Then he locked the door again and slept in the bathtub._

_The next morning, Michael was stiff and achey when he came out of the bathroom, so GOB tried to massage him. Michael pushed him off, then locked himself in the closet and dressed for work. "Get out!"_

_GOB relented and let him have the master bedroom after all. Obviously, Michael wasn't ready yet, and he needed some more months without a girlfriend._

* * *

Meanwhile, Buster and Tobias arrived at the model home, and they looked around for George Michael. "Where is he?" They kept calling for him, and started to worry.

Then they found the note on the refrigerator. "Gone out to lunch. George Michael."

"Oh. Do you think we should call him and join him, or wait for him to come back?"

"Maybe he wanted to be alone. Too ashamed to cry, I'll bet. Let's go ahead and have lunch here." Tobias started to cook.

After dropping off GOB's clothes in Michael's room, Buster returned downstairs. He sat at the kitchen counter and decided to call Oscar at home. "Hey, Uncle/Father Oscar." Buster told him about the visit with Lucille, and Oscar said that Lupe had arrived and was making lunch for him. But she was asking how likely it would be that she'd get paid, with Lucille gone.

Outside, the kids arrived in Maeby's car. When they saw the silver Mercedes parked out front, Maeby asked, "Did they just get back from visiting jail?"

George Michael replied, "No, I forgot to tell you. Lindsay had to go to the office for some emergency, so Buster and Tobias came over to make me feel better."

"Oh. Well, maybe you better go in without me, so that they don't get suspicious. You can get started on packing, and I'll go get the marriage license from the lawyer."

"Okay. I'll tell them that I'm just getting ready to go to Sitwell's."

"Yeah, and then see if you can get rid of them. Call me when they're gone."

"Okay, I'll see you later, Maeby."

"Yeah. Bye." They kissed again, and then George Michael went inside the house.

Tobias greeted him first, "Oh there you are! Our little John Wayne, Jr. Did you have a good cry?"

"What? I-I just took a bike ride to the beach, and then I had some lunch."

Buster asked, "Do you feel better now?"

"Yeah, I guess so. I'm just gonna go stay with Stan Sitwell, like Aunt Lindsay said. So I'll go upstairs and pack now."

"Oh, okay. I think I'll just go home," Buster said. "Can you drive me?"

Tobias agreed, and they left together.

Pleased, George Michael went upstairs, and called Maeby. She said that she'd be back soon, so he hung up and went in search of empty bags and suitcases.

When Maeby returned from the lawyer's office, she said that she could only get a photocopy of their marriage license. "I tried to get the real thing, but Jan Eagleman kept nagging me about some hearing that we're supposed to go to, and how we have to testify before a judge."

"Yeah, she told me about that too."

"Anyway, I asked her what would happen if we didn't show up, like if I had to go to summer school classes, and she said that we all had to be there, or else we couldn't get the marriage annulled. Then she asked me what days and times were convenient for my schedule, so I lied to her. I didn't want her to get suspicious and tip off Uncle Mike about us leaving today."

"Right. I want to tell him ourselves."

"Yeah, and the important thing is that we can't get annulled against our will. All we have to do is leave, and we'll stay emancipated."

"Okay. So we're really moving to L.A., huh?"

"Yeah. It'll totally freak out your Dad and teach him a lesson."

George Michael nodded and hoped that the lesson wouldn't be too harsh. "Yeah."

Maeby joined him in packing.

* * *

Lindsay met up with George Sr. in the Bluth Company parking lot. "They really voted me the president, Dad?" She was still in shock.

"Yes, and Sitwell's the interim CEO. He had them eating out of his hands. Now, you remember the plan that I told you on the phone?"

She nodded. "Uh, yeah. I should accept the job and pretend to bond with him."

"Yes, and then you're going to be my mole at the company, and tell me everything he plans to do. After you've got his trust, you'll convince Sitwell to sell you back some stock in the company, since you're president after all."

"How much?"

"About 4,000 shares. Enough so that the Bluths are majority shareholders again, even without Michael and Lucille's frozen stock."

"Oh, okay. But how long should I wait? Until after my birthday party?"

"Yeah, we'll need that money. You just keep spying for me, and I'll tell you when to make the move. Then we can call a new shareholders' meeting, get a new vote, and kick him out on his hairless ass."

"But who will be the CEO then?"

"I don't know. Maybe I'll put GOB in charge, and get another patsy to be president."

"Oh, so I'm not keeping my job?"

"No, honey. You don't want the job. It's too stressful. That's why I retired. Maybe we can get your mother out of prison by then, and she can take over again."

"You really think she can beat these charges, Daddy?" Lindsay did not look forward to having Lucille back.

"Well I'm meeting with the new lawyer for lunch, so we'll see. In fact, I better get going now, since I'm taking the staircar." He got the keys from her and got in.

"So I should go to lunch without you?"

"Yeah, go with Sitwell, or maybe Lucille Austero, if you can separate them. Find out if she still likes Buster. Maybe we can convince Buster to steal her away from Sitwell too." He really wanted to stick it to Sitwell.

"Uh, all right. Bye, Dad." Lindsay nervously went up the elevator, to accept her position as company president.

Sitwell greeted her happily and said, "I heard that George spoiled my surprise. Well, what do you think, Lindsay? Do you want to be president?"

"Uh, yes. I mean, I've only been in charge once, when I was filling in for Kitty, and Michael was out of the office."

"Oh, so you do have some experience working here? I thought George only kept sending you paychecks, even when you moved to Boston."

"Yeah, he wanted to encourage me to leave Tobias and move back home." She spent the money instead, or used it as donations for her various charities. "When Michael was in charge, he wanted to make me earn my checks, or cut me off entirely."

"Well you'll be more independent now, Lindsay, with your presidential paycheck."

"Really? Is it bigger?"

He smiled and whispered a number in her ear, because he knew that he could appeal to her greed.

"Whoa, baby!" Michael had never told Lindsay his exact salary, to prevent the family from sponging off him even more than usual. It was difficult supporting all of them for three years, especially with the frequent repairs on the model home.

Sitwell said, "And we'll be launching a massive PR campaign soon, to make you the new face of the company. We'll even reveal that you're adopted and give your age as 35 in all the press releases."

"Great!"

"Now let me introduce you to the other shareholders." He took her into the boardroom.

After the meeting, Lindsay told Sitwell about the cousins, then Lucille 2 invited Lindsay out to lunch to celebrate. Sitwell remained behind to handle some details at the business, but he encouraged them to get salon makeovers afterward. "It'll be great when we do the publicity photos. You deserve to splurge a little anyway, Lindsay, with your upcoming party."

"Thanks. Oh, and with my new salary, I could go shopping too!" She left excitedly.

Then Sitwell went into the president's office and made a discreet call to Tobias.

"Hello?" Tobias had just dropped off Buster at Balboa Towers.

"Hello, Tobias. This is Stan Sitwell."

"Oh, hello, sir."

"Please, call me Stan. I wanted to let you know that I got your voicemail message, and I really appreciate the help." Sitwell had adjusted his plans for the birthday party, and the presents.

"You're welcome, Stan. I thought you should know."

"Yes, and you should know that I've just made Lindsay the Bluth Company president."

"You did? How?"

"Well why don't we meet in person, and I'll tell you all about it? I'd like to offer you a position at the company too, if you'd like. Can you come over soon?"

"Oh, actually, I'm on my way back to spend time with George Michael. He's very upset because his father forbid him to date Maeby."

"Oh, yes! Lindsay asked me to let the boy stay at my guest house for a while. Well, why don't you just pack him up and take him over to my place right now? Get the boy settled in, and then my daughter Sally can cheer him up while you and I talk business. I'll meet you there this afternoon."

"Good idea. I'll see you soon, Stan!"

* * *

George Michael and Maeby were still packing and discussing what exactly they would say to Michael when he arrived.

Then they heard a car drive up to the house, and Maeby went to her parents' room to look out the big window. She could see Tobias parking the silver Mercedes out front.

"What's my dad doing back here?"

"I don't know. Maybe he still thinks I'm depressed, and wants me to cry."

"Uh-oh. He keeps looking at my car. I better handle this." She hurried downstairs and met her father on the porch.

"Maeby, what are you doing home? Shouldn't you be at school?"

"Uh, yeah, but I'm in driver's ed class now, and this is my practice car."

"But shouldn't your instructor be with you?"

"There weren't enough instructors for the students, so they sent me home, since there's a big empty lot here that I can practice in."

"Oh, and you want me to teach you? Well, I'm sorry, Maeby, but Daddy will have to take a raincheck. Right now I'm taking George Michael to Stan Sitwell's house."

"What?"

"Well, because this morning at the jail, Michael--"

"Yes, I know! But why are you taking George Michael there now?"

"Well, Stan wants to meet with me today about a new job. He told me to bring George Michael along too."

Maeby groaned and suspected that Tobias had a crush on "Stan" now. "But maybe George Michael can drive there later... after he gives me a lesson."

"No, no, honey. Go on back to school and study for your next class. George Michael, are you packed yet?"

Tobias hurried upstairs, while Maeby followed him. "Dad, no!"

"Don't worry, Maeby. You'll get to see him again at the birthday party on Saturday. And you can keep secretly visiting Sitwell's until we get Michael all straightened out."

Hearing them coming, George Michael left the bedroom and closed the door, so that Tobias couldn't see the extra packed bags. "What's going on?"

Tobias explained, "George Michael, good news. You don't have to cry anymore. I'm taking you over to Sitwell's guest house right now."

"What? No. Um, I'm not packed yet." He glanced anxiously at Maeby.

"That's right. So you should leave first, Dad, and he'll catch up with you later."

"No, I can just help you finish packing." He tried to enter the kids' room, but George Michael blocked the door.

"No, I have to do it. I have to pack myself."

Tobias stared at him and asked, "Are you coming down with the O.C. disorder again?"

"Uh... yeah."

Tobias said, "Well this sounds serious. Maybe you shouldn't go to Sitwell's after all."

Maeby agreed, "Yeah, he should stay here. You can go meet with Sitwell alone."

"No, no, I think I should call him to cancel, then stay here and have an analrapy session with George Michael."

Despite the strange pronunciation, George Michael got really scared then.

Maeby remembered her father's disastrous business cards, but she understood George Michael's fear. "No, no, Dad! He, uh, he can just go back to Openings and express himself there. Yeah, I can take him to school with me."

Tobias shook his head and said, "No, no, we don't want George Michael scared of being alone with you."

"But he's not--"

"Go back to school, young lady." He turned her around and made her go downstairs.

George Michael protested, "No, I really want to go to school with Maeby."

"Don't pretend, George Michael. I know you're scared." He forced Maeby out of the house and to her car.

She told George Michael reassuringly, "He means analysis and therapy--analrapy."

"Oh." That helped him calm down, although George Michael still feared that Tobias would try another crying session and inappropriately hug him.

Tobias nodded proudly. "Yes, I still have my business cards somewhere. A couple of sessions with me, and we'll have all your issues hammered out, George Michael."

Maeby reluctantly got in the car and said, "Okay, I'll go back to school, Dad, but I really think you should go meet with Sitwell. He's offering you a job."

"No, no, I should be a good uncle, Maeby. Besides, Sitwell's in housing, and that's not really what I want. I'm an actor."

Maeby rolled her eyes and mouthed to George Michael, "I'll be back." Then she drove away from the house. She picked up her cell phone and called some casting agents she knew, to beg for one of them to give Tobias an audition today.

Back at the house, George Michael just tried to tell Tobias that he didn't want any therapy. "I'm fine. I already cried."

"But we still haven't touched on your deeper issues, George Michael, or your father's."

"My dad?"

"Yes. Well, you better sit down for this." Tobias led him into the living room and sat on the couch. "You see, I know exactly why your father is so strongly opposed to you and Maeby dating."

"You do?" George Michael finally sat down and looked interested.

Tobias then said, "It's what we in the psychiatric field call 'denial.' You see, Michael is secretly attracted to me, and he feels terribly guilty for it, since we're almost family. He considers his feelings unethical, and even incestuous. Ergo, he overreacts about you and Maeby, because you kids are almost family too. Only when he admits and resolves his forbidden desires, will he get over you two."

George Michael blinked repeatedly during this speech, but he of course believed Tobias to be delusional, so he only said, "I see."

"So as soon as your father comes home today, I'm going to have some analrapy sessions with him, to make him admit the truth."

"Um, I'm going to finish packing now." George Michael stood and returned upstairs, muttering softly, "Yikes."

Tobias then picked up his phone and called Sitwell to cancel their meeting.

* * *

Back in the kids' room, George Michael's phone was ringing, and it was Maeby. "Are you alone?"

"Yeah I just got away from him."

"I'm not far away, and I know how to get rid of my dad."

"You do? 'Cause he still won't go to Sitwell's."

"I know, but I work at a studio, remember? I've called in some favors, and a casting director is going to offer him an audition right now. You call me and let me know if he refuses that."

"Uh, wait. I-I think he might."

"Why?"

George Michael hesitantly told her, "Well, he says that he wants to have some analrapy sessions with my Dad, 'cause... Well, he said some crazy stuff about my dad secretly being attracted to him."

Maeby got very quiet, remembering over a year ago when she heard Michael say, "I screwed my brother-in-law."

George Michael shrugged it off and said, "But that's just your dad, you know."

"Uh, yeah." She tried to laugh casually. "That's why we're moving out, you know! Well, anyway, you make sure that he leaves for the audition. Tell him that you're going over to Uncle Buster's, if you have to. Then I'll drive back when he's gone."

"Okay. Bye, Maeby."

Tobias at first felt conflicted about going to the audition, but George Michael insisted that his acting career was important.

"Plus, I'm fine now, after you... explained things. And I'm sure you'll be back in plenty of time to see my dad after he gets out of jail."

"All right then." Tobias excitedly went upstairs to get dressed for his audition.

George Michael felt guilty and wanted to warn his father about Tobias, so he wrote a note to him, just in case they didn't get a chance to discuss the subject while he and Maeby told him that they were leaving. It was likely to be a painful fight. He ended the note with, "I still love you, Dad. This is not goodbye forever. It's just for now."

Then George Michael took the note into Michael's bedroom, to leave it underneath the photo on the night-stand. But he noticed GOB's clothes left on the chest at the foot of the bed and looked puzzled at first. "Oh, GOB probably changed his clothes here when he came over this morning." George Michael returned to packing, and he felt glad that he would be able to get away from his treacherous uncle too.

* * *

After Maeby returned, she greeted George Michael on the front porch with relief. She kissed him and said, "We should start loading up the car now, in case anybody else comes over. Go get your bags."

"Okay." He went back inside.

Maeby opened her car's trunk, and to make room, she threw out the fold-up scooter, deciding that she didn't need it anymore, to fake her age and pick up her mail at Balboa Towers.

But then Maeby looked up and spotted GOB riding up on his own scooter. She rushed forward and asked, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm moving in here today."

"Not now! George Michael's still in the house."

"Oh, he is?" GOB looked worried again.

"Yeah, upstairs. You better leave before he sees you."

"But maybe I can hide in the garage or something."

"No! Get out of here."

They kept arguing, and Maeby even shoved him half off his Segway. "Hey! All right." He rode away and muttered, "Damn teenagers."

Then George Michael came outside. "Maeby?"

While the kids were distracted, GOB turned around the corner of the house and hid behind the fence.

"George Michael!" She glanced back to see that GOB was gone. "Well, let's put those bags in here."

He helped her load the car and asked, "Were you talking to someone just now?"

"No, uh, I-I was talking to my lawyer on the phone. I told him that I was bringing over that copy of the marriage certificate."

"Oh. Hey, should we bring over a copy of your mom's adoption papers too, to prove that we're not blood related?"

"Oh, probably. Do you think the papers are in the secret room?"

"Yeah, we should go look." They went inside together.

By the fence, GOB murmured to himself, "Lawyer? Are they up to something?"

He rode back to the car and noticed the suitcases in the trunk. "They're running away. Without Michael." GOB considered that, then drove to the other side of the house, to the garage.

This was perfect. The kids running off would be another form of punishment for Michael, and more importantly, GOB could be alone with him. GOB carefully sneaked into the garage and got off his Segway. He sat down on the steps (leading to the kitchen door), and he waited for the kids to leave.

Suddenly, his cell phone rang, and he jumped, lest the kids be in ear shot. He quickly checked the caller ID and answered with a growl, "Michael!"

"Yeah, it's me, GOB. I'm getting bailed out now, so you should leave the penthouse, like we talked about."

"Yeah, like we talked about," he grumbled.

"And you should stay away from the model home for about an hour, so that George Michael and I can pack up and move."

"I know, Mikey." He said menacingly, "I'll see you soon."

"Soon? No, but you can't come to--"

GOB covered, "I mean when we go get the yacht from the impound."

"Oh, right. Well, we'll do that later, after I get George Michael and we move out. Bye, GOB."

"Bye." GOB then turned off his phone and listened again for the kids packing and loading the car. He hoped that they wouldn't waste too much time searching for Lindsay's adoption papers.

* * *

At the police station, Michael's lawyer had some bad news about the bail. "They still consider you a flight risk, so the prosecution won't let you leave town until your trial."

"Leave town? But last time, they just said that I couldn't leave the state."

"I know," Jan Eagleman said. "Even with the cashier's checks, and you paying bail, they still don't trust you. There's been new developments at the Bluth Company." She told him that he was voted down at the shareholders' meeting. "So with you out of a job, the prosecution believe that you have no ties to keep you in the area."

"Don't I wish! So they really voted for Lindsay and Sitwell?" Michael was stunned by this decision, even though he shouldn't care; he was going to quit the company anyway and abandon the family. "But Jan, I really want to leave town right after the annulment. My son needs to get away from here, and I have no idea how long this embezzlement trial is going to take."

"Even if there are no unexpected delays, like with your father's trial, it could still be months."

"Well I can't stay that long. Can't you get the charges dropped sooner?"

"I'm doing my best. I did get some hints that the prosecution might be interested in a plea bargain, but I'll have to check all the fine print. In the mean time, just go home and try to relax. The annulment hearing will take some time anyway. Perhaps you can make up with your father too, and convince him not to sabotage your case."

Michael sighed and shrugged. "Maybe he'll want some help getting the company back from Sitwell."

"Maybe." She called a cab for him, then sent him home.

* * *

**By "pouch" I mean the black part of the Segway, which has GOB's initials. I never knew that it could carry stuff before.**


	9. Friction

**I have concluded that Michael's bedroom has an adjoining terrace; certain episodes show that Michael's room is down the hall from the kids' room, yet the rooms do not touch. Through the kids' window, Michael's French door can be seen a few feet away, and inside the master bedroom, there's another door that could lead to a bathroom, which also would require that buffer of space. In 212, some kind of plant was even visible near the kids' window. Besides, why would Michael have a French door that opened onto nothing, or the roof?**

**I would even suggest that this terrace is the balcony that Michael and Beth Baerly climbed up to in 114, except that there's a garage visible below it; that layout just doesn't square with the house's layout in any other episode.**

* * *

As Michael's cab pulled up the model home, he saw the red convertible parked in front, and he groaned. "Oh no, did Lindsay buy a car right after she got the job?" 

After paying his driver, Michael walked over to the car and tried to look on the bright side. "Well, maybe I could ask to borrow it, for--" Then he noticed a bunch of suitcases already in the open trunk.

Meanwhile, George Michael brought his last bit of luggage downstairs, and Michael jogged up the porch steps to greet him. "George Michael!"

"Oh, hi, Dad." It felt bittersweet to finally have his father safe and sound at home.

Michael obliviously hugged his son, then helped him put the bags into the car. "So, buddy, you're all set to move to the penthouse, huh? Just give me a little while to pack my stuff too, and then we'll go."

"Uh, Dad--"

"Don't worry. I already talked GOB into leaving, so we'll just have to negotiate with Buster and Oscar about where to sleep." He entered the house and turned toward the circular stairs, only to stop short. "Maeby?"

She was coming down the stairs with her own bag, and she said to Michael, "You're not taking him anywhere."

George Michael came inside, and began in a kinder tone, "Yeah, Dad, we need to talk about this."

Michael glanced between the kids suspiciously. "Talk? What is this, another family meeting where everybody tells me how to raise my son? Fine, so where are these so-called adults, huh?" He looked around and wanted to give the family a piece of his mind.

"They're not home," Maeby said, standing next to her cousin and taking his arm. "It's just us here."

"Oh, George Michael!" he scolded his son for being weak. "I told you not to be alone with her! "

"Stop bullying him!" Maeby protested.

"I'm not bullying--"

"Yes, you are, and you can't do it anymore! It's illegal now."

"Illegal?"

George Michael explained, "Yeah, we're, uh, we're emancipated now, Dad. It's because we got married."

"What the--? Oh (bleep)!" Apparently Jan Eagleman hadn't told Michael all the legal implications about the fake marriage.

Maeby said, "Yeah, so we're adults now, and you can't tell us what to do anymore! We're moving out, whether you like it or not."

"Moving out?" Then he gasped as he realized why Maeby was bringing luggage downstairs. "What, you're--you're running away together?"

Maeby nodded and folded her arms.

George Michael looked less triumphant, and he spoke softly, "I-I'm sorry, Dad, but I don't want to move in with Uncle Buster. I want to stay with Maeby."

"You can't! You're too young to be married."

"Not according to the state of California," Maeby interjected.

"Maeby!" George Michael did not think that she was helping.

She shrugged and decided to take her bag out to the car.

George Michael said, "I'm sorry, Dad, but I just don't think this is wrong."

"Son--"

"No, listen! Maybe that accidental marriage happened for a reason, you know? Maybe we're really meant to be together--"

"Everyone wants to believe that when they're in love, but you're just 16. You don't know what you really want yet."

"But I do! I want Maeby. I've wanted her for three years, Dad."

"Three years? Even when you dated Egg? I mean--" He stammered and still couldn't remember her name.

George Michael talked over his father. "She liked me, and I was trying to get over Maeby. But now Maeby likes me too, and I know I'll always regret it if I don't take this chance with her now. I'll always wonder about what might have been."

"But you're still family!"

"We're not blood-related!"

"You don't understand what you're doing. When you two break up, it could completely destroy your relationship."

"I'll take that risk." George Michael was still hoping that they wouldn't break up anyway. "Besides, Maeby wants to leave her parents, and I want to get away from the family too. Like Uncle GOB and Tobias..."

"Every kid thinks of running away from home, but it won't solve anything. Do you know how many (bleep)ing times I tried to leave them?" Many times were before George Michael was even born.

"I know, Dad, and I wish you could come with us this time. But if you really can't accept us together, then we just have to go alone."

"No, you can't go! This is crazy, George Michael. You can't just live on your own now. Your savings account and banana stand money won't last for long."

"I know, but Maeby has another job. She's a movie executive."

"Movie executive?"

Maeby returned from the car and answered, "Yeah, I told you already. I have a job and a car."

"Car? You mean that's your car out there?"

"Yeah. You never listen, do you?" Really, sometimes Uncle Mike could be just as oblivious as Maeby's own parents.

"How did you get a job at a movie studio?"

She shrugged. "I conned them while my dad was auditioning there last year. You can read it all in the _Variety_. It's been in news since I got found out."

"Well if they found out your age, then you obviously can't keep that job."

"Yes I can! The lawyers are working it all out, and I'm already emancipated anyway."

"So that's why you want to stay married to George Michael? You're just using him to keep your illegal job."

"No I'm not! I'm keeping it so we can get away from you!" And her own parents.

George Michael hushed her and said, "Maeby's not using me, Dad. We really want to stay together."

Michael remained skeptical. "Come on, George Michael. Let's just sit down and discuss this reasonably. If Maeby wants to get emancipated, then she can get her own lawyer and do it the normal way. But no one's running away."

Maeby said, "Oh, so it's okay if you run off to Cabo or Arizona, but not us? You're such a hypocrite!"

George Michael said, "Dad, I wouldn't leave, if we could just work out a compromise. Can't you reconsider that deal?"

"No, you can't date your cousin!"

"But, Dad, you said that you'd try to respect my feelings, and listen to me more."

"And you said you understood that this is wrong!"

Maeby got pissed off, and she grabbed George Michael's arm to go. "You can argue with our lawyer later. We're leaving now!"

"No!" Michael grabbed his son's other arm. "No one's going anywhere, and you're going to unpack your bags right now!"

"You can't boss us around!" She added spitefully, "If you want to treat someone like a child, then go hook up with Rita again!" After all, she had read in _Variety_ that Rita somehow avoided being deported, and was now working at Uniprod.

Michael gasped and let go. George Michael also thought she had crossed a line.

Michael looked at his son. "You see this? This is the girl you want to be with?"

Maeby retorted, "Yeah, I could say the same about you and Rita!"

George Michael tried to calm them both down. "Look, everyone's just a little upset now, and we're saying things that we don't really mean--"

Michael wagged a finger at them. "This is exactly why you're both too immature to be married, George Michael. She's a child, and I don't know how she's held a fake job for a year."

Maeby finally snapped. "You keep going on and on about how we're family, and how we can't be together. But all this time, you've (bleep) my dad!"

They were stunned again, and George Michael blinked. "What?"

Maeby sighed and realized that she'd let the secret slip. So she told George Michael quietly and uncomfortably, "Yeah, that--that stuff my dad told you today... it's all true. They've been sleeping together, right behind my mom's back! I saw my dad coming out of Uncle Mike's room just the other morning." She shuddered at the memory.

"Wait, wait!" Michael explained the misunderstanding. "You've got it all wrong, Maeby. Tobias just sneaked into my room to tell me that he was selling his Bluth Company stock, and I offered him a job so that he'd stay. Nothing happened."

"You liar! You--"

George Michael stopped Maeby, though, and asked her to go wait in the car. "Please."

"Fine!" She left in disgust.

Michael shook his head angrily. "How could she think that--?"

"D-Dad, it's my fault."

"What?"

"Um, today, Uncle Tobias was saying some weird stuff about you secretly wanting him, and I mentioned it to her. I didn't know that she'd take me seriously. She must have put that together with what she saw, and... you know."

Michael groaned. "God, I'm gonna kill Tobias! This whole family is insane."

"Yeah, and that's why we want to go, Dad. It's better this way."

"It's not! I don't care about her movie job; you cannot go with her. You should stay with me, and we'll get that annulment, even if we have to subpoena her--"

"No, Dad, I don't want the annulment. I want to stay with her."

"But--"

"Don't worry, I'll explain everything to her, so that she knows you weren't lying. She doesn't really hate you, you know. She's just upset, because of her dad--"

"George Michael, stop making excuses for her. Do you want to be with the kind of girl that would leap to conclusions like that?"

"Look, she just made a mistake. People make mistakes sometimes."

"A mistake! She seriously accused me of--"

"I know, but she had a reason, Dad! It's my fault, not hers. I mean, it's just like when you almost got married to Rita, and you didn't want to believe that she wasn't smart. You were in denial and said stuff like 'they don't have bananas in England.' Maeby just wants us to stay together, that's all."

"And she'll call me a liar to do it?"

"Maeby's just had bad parents, you know, but she's still a good person underneath it all. I mean, you know that, Dad. You used to hang out with her, and treat her like she was your kid too."

"Well obviously she's changed and become some crazy, gullible hothead."

"Dad, stop it! I love her, and--and she's my wife." George Michael finally put his foot down. "We're leaving now, and we won't come back unless you change your mind about us. Goodbye." He turned to go.

"No, George Michael!"

"I'm sorry, Dad." He kept going.

"You can't do this. It's wrong!" Michael followed his son outside, but tripped over the push scooter on the ground.

Maeby already had the engine running, so after George Michael got in the car, they quickly drove away.

"George Michael, no!" But he couldn't go after them, without a faster vehicle. "Damn. I should have kept that cab."

Tossing aside the scooter, Michael decided to go back inside and call for help. He looked for a notepad and tried to remember the license plate number of the car.

But just then, GOB stepped out from behind the kitchen wall, where he had been listening to the fight. "Well, how do you like that, Michael? Somebody running away from you, for once."

Michael dropped his pen. "GOB! What are you doing here?"

"You mean how come I'm not at Steve Holt's? You thought that you had me fooled, Michael, but I--"

"Wait, did you bring a car?" Michael rushed into the garage, but he found no vehicles other than the Segway and his old bike, neither of which could catch the red convertible. "(Bleep)." So he returned to the kitchen and asked GOB, "Do you know who's got the cars?"

GOB shrugged. "They're all out somewhere." Then he cleared his throat and started again. "Never mind that. Guess what, Mikey? You're not president anymore."

"I know that."

"You do? Well, do you know that Lindsay and Sitwell got voted in, and--?"

"GOB, will you shut up a minute? George Michael and Maeby just ran away from home, and I need to find them."

"Yeah, and where do you think they learned how to run away? From you, Mikey. After all the times you left for Phoenix, or South America, or Cabo--!"

Michael rolled his eyes and interrupted, "GOB, I don't have time for this. You've got to help me stop the kids." He grabbed a notepad by the phone and struggled to remember. "Did you get a look at that car before they left?"

"Yeah, I saw them loading up the trunk."

Michael looked up. "What? You were here earlier, GOB?"

"Yeah, they were packing up their stuff, so I just hid in the garage."

"Y-You what? You knew that they were gonna run away, and you just let them pack?"

"Yeah, how does that feel?" GOB asked, relishing his revenge.

"But you promised to help me keep them apart!"

"And you promised to help me get my yacht back, but you were lying to me!"

Michael still couldn't believe GOB's selfishness. "Your yacht! Who the (bleep) cares about your yacht?"

"I care! And Franklin cares!" GOB felt hurt and offended. "You lied to me, and told me to stay away from the house, just so that you could go steal the yacht back and leave for Cabo again."

"What? I didn't--Where does everybody get these crazy ideas from?"

"From you! You keep running away all the time, Mikey, 'cause you're a chicken." He started to do his chicken dance, but Michael talked over his clucks.

"I wasn't stealing the yacht! We were just moving to the penthouse--" He dismissed the whole subject. "Look, just get Lindsay to get your yacht back. I have a real emergency right now. Do you remember the license plate or not?"

GOB still did not trust him. "I'm not helping you, Michael!"

"GOB, come on! The kids left--"

"What's going on with you and Tobias?"

"What? Nothing's going on."

"He's been bragging all day that you got the hots for him, and that's why--"

Michael felt like throttling Tobias. "I'm not gay!" he responded defensively. "I just told the kids--"

"Of course you'd tell them that, but I know you really (bleep)ed him."

"I did not! She misunder--"

"I saw you, Michael! I caught you guys on your big secret date!"

_Last year, Michael and Tobias had been enjoying a Romance Package at the Four Seas hotel, when GOB burst into their tent, followed by Buster. GOB took in their white bathrobes and looked shocked._

_"Michael!" he gasped. "Michael?" GOB had felt quite disappointed to realize that Michael's desperation without a date had driven him to sexually experiment with Tobias instead of GOB himself._

Michael insisted, "That was not a date, GOB! I told you, I was just trying to keep Tobias from finding out about Lindsay's date, remember?"

GOB remained skeptical. "And nothing happened the whole time, even with all the horseback riding, and the hot tub, and the massages with kama sutra oil?"

"Nothing happened!" Actually, Tobias did try to grab him in the Jacuzzi, but Michael got away in time.

"Then why won't you (bleep) me?" GOB demanded.

Fed up, Michael turned away and ran up the stairs. "Leave me alone!"

GOB still called to him from the foyer. "And did you (bleep) Lindsay too? She said that you were gonna marry her!" This was back on the ship, when GOB found out that Lindsay wasn't related to them.

Michael ignored the accusation and rushed down the hall to his room. He could hear GOB following him, so he locked the door.

"Michael!" GOB wished that he still had his lock picks, or any of his other magic stuffs with him. He should have tried to sneak upstairs before Michael arrived, but the kids had continually come up and down the stairs. He spoke through the door, "Mikey, why would you (bleep) them and not me?"

Michael went into his closet so that he wouldn't have to hear GOB. With a sigh, he ran his fingers through his hair, then began to change out of his crumpled tuxedo.

He called Lindsay on his cell phone, and explained to her that the kids had run away. "Have you ever seen that car before?"

"No, I didn't even know that she had a job."

"Well we've gotta find some way to catch them now. They said she worked in a movie studio, so maybe if you drive up the highway towards Hollywood..."

"Oh, I don't have a car," she told him. "Lucille 2 took me out for lunch, and we've been getting makeovers at the spa." At the moment, she was naked under a towel in a private massage room.

"Well, who has the cars now?"

"Dad has the staircar, and Buster and Tobias must have the other car. I wonder why they left the kids alone at the house?"

"I don't know, but I guess I'll call them."

"No wait, Michael! If you send somebody to chase the kids, then they're just going to see you as the enemy, and they'll find somewhere else to hide." In fact, Lindsay figured that she could call the kids and convince them to go stay at Sitwell's house instead. "You need to back off and let them go for now."

"No, I can't let them go! Lindsay, they might even consummate their marriage, if--"

"Well, good for them!" she said brightly. "I hope they find a nice motel."

"Lindsay!"

"Oh, come on, Michael! Stop overreacting! You're so uptight and unreasonable sometimes. Why can't you let them be happy? Because you can't be happy?"

"Lindsay, it's wrong! It's sick and wrong!" Why couldn't she or anyone else understand that?

"It's not wrong! It's young love, and it's sweet. Don't you remember what that was like, Michael? Oh, right, you didn't get any in high school." Then she changed her tone as she murmured, "You haven't got any lately, either. And you know I haven't, so maybe we could--"

"No, Lindsay!" He grimaced, then recalled GOB's earlier words. "Have you been telling people that we were gonna get married?" He thought that he'd refused her clearly enough.

"Yeah," she admitted, "but after your speech at the boat party, I changed my mind again. I still love Tobias, and I won't divorce him."

"Good."

"But I need sex, Michael! So now that you're home from jail, maybe we could have an affair instead."

"No, Lindsay!"

"Come on! I'm not that much older than you, Mike, and we can pretend that I'm 35 now. It's going to be in all the announcements. Did you hear about my new job?"

"Lindsay, you're still my sister!"

"But you always wanted me, Michael, even when I had my old nose! And you said it was a struggle not to have sex with me."

"I didn't mean--" How could she not have picked up on his sarcasm?

"Well you don't have to struggle anymore, Mike. Let's get drunk tonight, and have fun while the kids are gone." She still felt that she needed to get drunk to go to bed with Michael. "We'll find a way to get rid of Tobias."

"No!"

"Come on, who's the last girl you (bleep)ed, Sally Sitwell? And that was just because she looked like me, wasn't it?"

"No, and that's not why--Please stop this!" Besides, he also had a quickie with Maggie Lizer, over a year ago.

She offered, "I'll--I'll even do that thing you liked. You know, on page 7 of the transcript from Bob Loblaw?" She assumed that Michael had read the whole transcript of the phone sex because he got off on it.

Michael quickly hung up and dropped the phone with a shudder. Why was his whole family so crazy? Even people outside the family like Barry Zuckerkorn had come onto him too. Just once, he'd like a beautiful woman (who was not retarded, or his sister) to like him.

Then Michael remembered that he still had to find the kids, so he picked up the phone again. He wanted to avoid calling Tobias and having a similarly uncomfortable conversation, so he called his father next, hoping that he could quickly switch cars and go after Maeby's car.

George Sr. was too busy still being angry at Michael, though.

"Dad, I'm not betraying the family. Will you please just help me find the kids? You don't want them to stay married, do you?"

"No of course not! I'll find them. But this is all your fault, Michael. Didn't I say that you'd only drive them closer together?"

"But, Dad--"

"If you had just left them alone, they would have behaved and gotten the annulment. But no, you had to interfere! Now they're off playing Romeo and Juliet!"

Michael hung up and put down the phone, sinking to the floor this time. He felt very upset and alone.

* * *

Meanwhile, Maeby and George Michael sped north on the highway together 

George Michael tried to explain to Maeby the truth about Michael. "He didn't lie, and he's not gay."

Maeby insisted, "He's a hypocrite, that's what he is! God, if he had to lie, then why couldn't he have lied to me last year?"

"Last year?"

"Yeah, it wasn't just this past week that I caught them. Remember those romance packages from the bachelorette auction? Well, your dad went on one with my dad." She shuddered at the memory. "It was some gross gay cowboy thing. Like in that movie."

"No way! You must have misunderstood."

"He told me himself! He said, 'I screwed my brother-in-law,' even though I asked him to leave me out of it."

"No, no. My dad's straight, Maeby. He loved my mom, and--"

Maeby sighed and told him, "Look, I think it only happened because my dad was always coming onto him, and your dad hadn't had a date in so long." She shrugged. "Uncle Mike was desperate, I guess. Anyway, he started dating Sally Sitwell right after that, so that's why I never told you about it before. I thought it was just a one time thing, and he regretted it. I mean, it still sucked that he betrayed my mom, but as long as she didn't know... I think she finally found out, by the way."

"What?"

"You know, the other morning, when my dad come out of Uncle Mike's room."

"But nothing happened, Maeby. Tobias just went in early to talk to my dad."

"No he didn't! I heard all the commotion that night."

"What commotion?"

"I guess you didn't hear because you were sleeping downstairs, right?"

George Michael nodded, recalling that awkward time when they kept avoiding each other, thinking that they were related. "After I spent the first night in my dad's room, he told me to sleep on the couch next time."

"Right. So you left, and I slept alone. Then I woke up at 3 in the morning, hearing my mom screaming at Uncle Mike in his room. She seemed drunk or something, so I tried to ignore it. Just when it got quiet again, I heard my parents fighting back in their room, and they were talking about getting a divorce again. She kicked him out, and I figured that he was going to move out again or something. But the next morning, I got up, and there was my dad, sneaking out of Uncle Mike's room!"

_Tobias sneaked into Michael's room that morning and got in bed with him, giving Michael quite a shock in daylight._

_When Tobias threatened to cash out his stock, Michael compromised his principles and offered him a job at the Bluth Company. Tobias spooned him for twenty minutes before saying yes, then Michael got up and rushed into his bathroom._

_Tobias grinned and basked for a moment, even calling to Michael, "You have such a great bed."_

_In the hallway, Maeby gasped as she overheard this, and she looked for a clock, which read 8:05. She tried to convince herself that it wasn't that early, that Tobias hadn't spent the night. But if Lindsay had kicked him out, what was he doing in the house at all? And wouldn't he have run into George Michael downstairs?_

_Then Michael opened the bathroom door and said, "Will you get out already?_

_Tobias stood up. "Very well. But, um, in light of our new business arrangement,"he came to the bathroom and asked, "might I use your facilities first?"_

_"No!" Michael slammed the door on him and locked it._

_So Tobias left and ran into Maeby in the hallway. She gulped uncomfortably and noticed his wrinkled pajamas._

_Tobias said, "Oh, hello Maeby. Do you know if your mother's up yet? I don't want to run into her after our big fight last night."_

_Maeby just stood gaping in shock._

_"Never mind. I'll just do my morning exercises." He then went into the secret room._

George Michael blinked and knew that Tobias didn't really "exercise" in that room. "You mean he--? They were--? Oh God."

Maeby nodded and spoke grimly, "So how can your dad keep saying that we can't be together because we're family? That's why I want to get out of the house too."

George Michael was stunned speechless.

Seeing that her husband was upset, she touched his arm comfortingly. "I'm sorry. I really didn't want you to know."

After a while, Michael called George Michael's cell phone, in an effort to convince him to come back. George Michael just looked at the caller ID, then shut off his phone. When Michael tried Maeby's cell phone, George Michael turned that off too.

Maeby looked back at the highway and felt pleased that George Michael really was committed to her after all. They were finally free of their family.

* * *

Meanwhile, GOB got tired of knocking on Michael's bedroom door, and he went up to the attic to look for anything he could use to break in. Franklin asked him if he had the yacht back yet, and GOB answered, "No, the police wouldn't let me get the yacht. Only the president can get it, and the board voted for Lindsay, not me." 

"Then get it back from Lindsay."

"She's all busy spying on Sitwell for Dad. Besides, I don't think she likes me." He touched the cheek where she'd scratched him, during their violent fight on the ship. "Lindsay's adopted, you know, and she said that she was gonna marry Michael. Can you believe that?"

"But he (bleep)ed Tobias too. Are they gonna have a threesome now?"

"I don't know." GOB sat down and looked depressed. "Why won't he (bleep) me? I liked him first, and I gave him that CD, with the card with his face on it..." He sighed sadly. "We should have gone camping, you know?"

"You shoulda slipped him a forget-me-now."

"I tried. He wouldn't let me." Part of GOB also wanted to believe that Michael would surrender to him willingly. That Michael would give him the love he so desperately craved; to GOB, of course, love was the same thing as sex, or at least it felt just like an erection.

After moping with Franklin for a while, GOB decided to go downstairs alone and try the door again. Maybe he could find a hair pin or something useful in one of the other bedrooms. He went into the kids' room first, but as he looked out the window toward Michael's room, he got an idea.

GOB opened the window, then climbed out, being careful not to knock over the plastic plants on the terrace. Then he crossed to the French door and peered through the semi-transparent curtain. Oddly, he couldn't see Michael inside, but perhaps Michael had gone to hide in the closet or bathroom. If GOB moved quietly enough, he could sneak in and wait for Michael to come out.

It was much easier to break into the French door than the bedroom door, and soon he was inside. Leaving the door slightly ajar, GOB crept over to the corner and crouched down behind the big screen TV. He could now overhear Michael talking in the closet.

Michael was on the phone again, this time with Jan Eagleman. He wasn't sure what measures George Sr. was taking to find the kids, and anyway, George Sr. was still angry enough not to keep him informed. Michael needed to do something else to ease his anxiety.

She told him, "Well, they've probably driven a long way by now. First we should check out this _Variety_ article about Maeby, to find out which studio she's working at. Then I can send an investigator to go track them down in L.A."

"Isn't there anything else you can do to stop them? Can't the police put out an alert or call their cell phones and trace their location?"

"But the kids aren't criminals, Michael. They apparently didn't steal that car, and even if they did, we can't prove it, since you don't remember the license plate number. It's not a kidnapping, either. Legally speaking, they're just husband and wife, voluntarily leaving together."

"But it was a mock wedding!" Michael complained, "Jan, why didn't you warn me about this emancipation thing in the first place?"

"I didn't think it mattered. You told me that it was just a mistake, and that they wanted to get an annulment. I didn't know that they were in love, or that Maeby was conning me today."

"I think she's just using him to leave her parents, and she's poisoning him against me. It's another con, and he's fallen for it."

"Well, I'll find them as soon as possible. In the mean time, just try to stay calm. You can't leave town anyway, and you've got to focus on your trial. Let me handle this." She figured that even if the teenagers consummated the marriage, she could still contest the validity of the wedding, and Michael's consent form.

"Just let me know if you hear anything. Bye." After he hung up, Michael still felt helpless. He didn't know what else to do, so he came out of the closet and began pacing in his bedroom; he was dressed more casually now, but he did not at all feel relaxed.

He kept remembering George Sr.'s claim that his interference had caused the kids to run away. Michael really didn't want to believe that this disaster was all his fault, and that he had driven away his son.

When Michael sat down on the bed and reached for George Michael's photo, he noticed the note underneath it, so he unfolded it and read it.

While Michael was distracted, GOB rushed out and pounced on him.

"Ah!" Michael fell to the floor with the letter and blinked with genuine confusion. "How did you get in here?"

GOB grinned. "A magician never reveals his secret!" He would have confessed anyway, but was more interested in pinning Michael against the bed at the moment.

"Hey! No!" Michael pushed him away and struggled to get up.

"Not so fast!" GOB tackled him again. "I'm not done getting revenge!"

"What? GOB, stop it!"

"You lied to me, Michael, and you (bleep)ed--"

"I didn't! GOB!"

They kept wrestling and rolling around the room. As always, Michael and GOB were awful fighters, doing more grunting and slapping, than actual punching or kicking. They could not do any damage to each other, beyond dishevelling their clothes and hair. Unfortunately, there were no trees here for Michael to climb, and he could only desperately crawl toward the bathroom.

Soon Michael tried pulling himself up on the chest at the foot of his bed, only to find GOB's slippery robe there, which he hadn't noticed before. Instead of dragging Michael down again, GOB decided to get up and throw his brother onto the bed for an inappropriate embrace.

Suddenly finding himself in the position that he most dreaded, Michael fiercely struggled and rolled them over until he was on top. But as he did so, their crotches rubbed together, and he felt a strange stirring. A spark of electricity. Michael blinked and caught his breath.

GOB looked up at Michael, then smiled as he understood. "You getting hot?"

Michael frowned and started to push himself up. "No, I--"

GOB grabbed his arms to stop him, then thrust his groin against Michael's.

Michael gasped softly and half closed his eyes. His jeans started to feel tight.

GOB looked smug. "I knew you'd like swordfighting." It would have been fun to do it in a sleeping bag.

Michael did not understand at first, and GOB thrust again to be clear. "Sometimes I call it pigs in a blanket."

Michael grunted this time, but it was not the hostile grunt of their earlier fight. He felt weak and trembled a little.

"Mikey." GOB smiled, and he forgave Michael everything; all the lying and (bleep)ing around in the would didn't matter, if his brother loved him after all. If he was finally giving in. GOB tried to roll on top to more effectively grind his hips closer.

Michael quickly fought him for control, but reacted again to the friction and heat; he could feel that GOB was aroused too.

GOB wanted to grope him next, but Michael pushed his hand away from his jeans.

Surprised by this resistance, GOB tried to sneak a caress with his other hand, and Michael rebuffed this too. Yet Michael didn't just move away, either. Perhaps he was being a chicken, or he was getting off on being withholding, like Mom. When GOB tried pulling on his untucked shirt, Michael grabbed both his hands and firmly held them back, against the bed.

GOB opened his fingers and entwined them with Michael's tightly. He met Michael's eyes and could feel his palms getting sweaty.

Michael stared at his brother and felt lost. He should be able to just knee GOB in the groin and leave. But he didn't want to.

"Mikey, come here." GOB used his limber legs to pull Michael close again, and then he tried to kiss him.

Michael started to turn away, but he bit GOB's lips instead. GOB bit him back, and Michael released GOB's hands. GOB grabbed Michael's face and kissed him deeply.

Michael's own fingers slid underneath GOB's shirt. They groaned and resumed their "swordfighting."

As they made out, GOB kept trying to get on top again, but Michael wouldn't let him, nor would he undo more than the fly of his jeans.

GOB was puzzled, but he remembered that Michael was a control freak. Also, perhaps Michael was used to being on top with Tobias. Whatever the reason, it was kind of hot, and GOB kept naughtily testing the boundaries of what Michael would let him do.

In the throes of passion, they started rocking faster and harder. They humped like animals in heat, and their low grunts seemed to blend together.

Michael could barely think, but he enjoyed something more than just the carnal pleasure. This was also a cathartic release of all his pent-up frustration and stress. He shouldn't be doing this with GOB, but even this inappropriate lust was comforting somehow. It was raw and physical and immediate, which he needed desperately.

Michael climaxed first and cried out with an intensity that he hadn't done in years.

Pleased, GOB grinned and slid Michael's hand into his pants, to feel him shudder too. Then they collapsed and lay covered in sweat.

After a moment, Michael opened his eyes again and withdrew his hand. He absently wiped it on the covers and rolled off GOB lazily, lost in the afterglow.

GOB sat up and took off his hot, sticky clothes. "Next time, we should get naked first," he said with a laugh, "but I guess you couldn't wait, 'cause it's been so long for you."

Michael sighed softly, "Yeah," and traced his fingers down GOB's naked back. It had been over a year since he had someone warm and naked in his bed.

GOB smiled and lay down close to him. He kissed Michael and started to undress him too, but then he frowned. "Wait, weren't you with Tobias just this week?"

Michael grimaced and answered vehemently, "No! I never had sex with Tobias! Or Lindsay. Maeby misun--" He broke off and his eyes widened. Suddenly he remembered not only Maeby's earlier accusations, but also the fact that she and George Michael had run away together. God only knew where they were now, but here he was, having sex! With GOB.

"Oh no!" Michael blinked and sat up in horror.

GOB was in the middle of pulling his jeans off, and he looked confused when Michael slapped his hands away. "What's wrong?"

"What have I done? I--We--!" he stammered in panic, "I-I'm not gay!" Recalling that they were brothers too, Michael got out of bed and ran for the bathroom.

"Mikey!" GOB followed, only to find that Michael had locked the door. "Damn it!"


	10. Corruption

**In a deleted scene from 112, GOB wants to have sex with Marta on his mother's bed, on Valentine's day, because it will be "doubly good," or "dos bueno." She refuses, saying that it's disgusting and wrong. He answers, "Right! Doubly good."**

**By "frosted glass" I mean the window made of glass blocks, which was behind Tobias when he took his picture in the bathtub, in _Sad Sack_.**

* * *

In turmoil, Michael splashed water on his face and tried to tell himself that he didn't actually have sex with GOB just now. Technically, they didn't undress or do anything especially gay... but who was he kidding? He got off on it, and so did GOB. 

But maybe it wasn't real. Maybe this whole horrible day was just a nightmare. Any minute now, Michael would wake up and find himself in the cell at the police station, or better yet, on the yacht on the way to Cabo. Yeah, just him and George Michael escaping the family at last.

However, Michael could still hear GOB knocking on the bathoom door. "Come on, stop freaking out! We just had some brotherly love."

Michael answered, "It's sick and wrong!"

"I know!" GOB chuckled wickedly. "That makes it doubly good."

Michael groaned in disbelief and horror. "Go away!"

GOB did step away, but only to put on his robe and to rifle through various drawers for something to break down the door with. Meanwhile, he asked, "What are you all worried about being gay for? I know you're not, Mikey. You've had sex with seven women. Or is it eight now?" GOB wanted to keep an accurate tally. "You really didn't (bleep) Lindsay?"

Michael didn't reply, but he sat down on the bathtub and worried that GOB would break in, just as he mysteriously appeared in the locked bedroom. Michael felt trapped now, and he wished that the bathroom had a real window, but there was only frosted glass for privacy. However, given the shoddy construction of the model home, maybe he could break it easily, and climb outside.

But GOB got an idea then, and returned to the door. "Look, I'll even help you find the kids, okay? I can call Steve Holt. He's got a car."

Michael blinked and wondered why he hadn't thought of the Camaro before. If only he had a phone right now to call Steve himself. Michael asked GOB hesitantly, "R-really? You'll call him?"

"Yeah, and I'll tell him the license plate too."

So GOB did remember, all along. "You should have told me!" Michael complained.

"Well, I was mad at you before," he explained. "Hey, maybe I could even talk Steve into breaking up George Michael and Maeby for you. She was dating him before, remember?"

Michael reluctantly considered this offer. It was in many ways a deal with the devil, and GOB couldn't be trusted to keep his promises. Still, it was a pretty smart idea, for GOB. Michael hated having to compromise his principles again, but at last he agreed, ever so softly, "Okay."

"Good," GOB lowered his voice with anticipation and excitement. "Now let me in."

Michael stalled. "Not now, GOB. I-I have to, uh, clean up."

"Maybe I could join you."

"No!" Michael squeaked back. "No. Call Steve first." Then he hurriedly undressed and got into the tub, pulling the shower curtain closed. Of course, he realized that this would not be much protection, if GOB broke in. But Michael had no choice, and he wanted to wash away the filthy feeling of incest.

Trying to trust Michael, GOB grabbed his cell phone and called his son. "Hi, Steve."

"Hey, Dad. Did they make you president yet?"

"Nah, Lindsay got voted in."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Dad."

"That's okay. Listen, can you do me a favor?"

"You want to come live with me and my mom? I'd have to talk her into it."

"No, no, this is something else. See, George Michael and Maeby just ran away from home, and we gotta find them."

"They ran away? Why?"

"Oh, they wanted to stay married, but Michael wouldn't let them."

"What? How could they get married? They're cousins."

"No, they're not, 'cause Lindsay's adopted."

"Whoa!"

"Yeah, I just found out yesterday."

After a moment, Steve asked, "So that means that Maeby's not my cousin either, right?"

GOB shrugged. "I guess not."

Steve was relieved. "So when we... uh, did it before, it was okay. Wow. I wish that Maeby had told me this when she came over."

"What, you saw Maeby?"

"Yeah, she showed me her car this morning."

"Oh, so you already know what it looks like. Great! That's the car they took when they left town." GOB told him the license plate number and said, "You should follow them in your Camaro."

"But how will I find them?"

"Maeby works at some movie studio, so they're probably heading up the highway to L.A. See if you can catch up with them, and try calling their cell phones too. They probably won't answer if it's me or Michael."

"Oh, okay. But I can't believe Maeby didn't tell me any of this before. I thought we were cool. She asked me to sign her yearbook."

"Well, you should ask her about that when you catch her. Ask all about her and George Michael, and try to convince her to come home, you know?"

"Sure. I guess I should leave right now, before they get too far away."

"Yeah. Call us if you find them."

"Okay, Dad. Bye."

"Bye." GOB hung up, then listened with rapt attention to the shower sounds.

In the bathroom, Michael finally turned off the water and dried himself, but he dreaded unlocking the door. He had to keep stalling GOB and get away somehow.

"Mikey? You want some help?"

"No! I mean, um, I mean can you go get my robe from the stand?" Then he modestly wrapped himself in a big towel and cautiously opened the door.

GOB stood just outside, grinning and leering. "What do you need a robe for?"

Michael blushed and tried to shut the door, but GOB wouldn't let him retreat again. "Hey, we had a deal."

"But I-I have to get dressed now." Michael sidestepped GOB and hurried toward the closet. "You should get dressed too, before Steve gets here."

"Here? But he already went after George Michael and Maeby."

"What?" Michael stopped and turned around.

"Yeah. Why would he come by here?"

"Uh, to pick you up, so you can help him find the car."

"No, he already knows it, and he's got to hurry now. Besides, if the kids saw me, they'd just speed off, but Maeby might stop for Steve."

That made a lot of sense, but unfortunately Michael had been relying on Steve Holt to give him a respite from GOB.

GOB stepped closer with a smile. "So let's seal that deal."

"No! Um, we should clean up here and get ready for when the kids come home..."

"Nah, Steve's going to call us first. We got plenty of time." GOB blocked the way to the closet and kept watching Michael, in case he made a run for another door.

Michael stammered desperately, "W-wait! H-how do I know that you're not lying to me about Steve? You promised to help me before, and--"

"But I just called him." GOB even handed Michael his cell phone. "Ask him yourself."

So Michael called Steve, who confirmed the truth. "Oh. Well, uh, thanks. I-I would've come with you, but I can't leave town because of my trial." Then Michael tried to extend the conversation, by asking Steve for a running commentary on the progress of his search. However, GOB naughtily snatched at his towel.

"Hey!" Michael held firmly onto his towel, but dropped the phone. He glanced at GOB warily and did not want to risk picking it up.

GOB laughed, then bent down to retrieve the phone himself.

Michael nervously backed away, in case GOB was taking the opportunity to look up his towel.

Steve asked, "Uncle Mike?"

GOB answered, "Never mind. Just find them," and hung up. As he stood again, he pouted and coaxed, "Come on, Michael, I haven't seen you naked yet. I wanna see how many freckles you got."

Blushing deeply, Michael tried to get to his robe, but GOB blocked him again and pulled him close by the waist.

Michael could smell him now, and couldn't help looking into his brother's eyes. He gulped as GOB tried to loosen his grasp on the towel.

"Mikey."

Michael whispered, "W-we can't do this."

"Nobody's home." Then GOB nuzzled his face all too familiarly.

With a sigh, Michael kissed him and closed his eyes. He let go of his towel and surrendered, even though it rendered his recent shower superfluous. He knew that this was sick and wrong, but all he could think was that it was "doubly good" like GOB said. Michael rationalized that after all, he had made a deal with GOB, and GOB had kept his word.

So they returned to the bed, and GOB quickly shrugged off his robe. They passionately made out, while GOB began searching for those freckles. Michael explored GOB too, but due to their nudity, he felt less certain of himself. He did not try to wrestle for control this time, allowing GOB to guide his hands and mouth. GOB apparently had a wealth of moves to show him, and Michael slowly realized that "following people to their cars" was not, in fact, his parents' euphemism for GOB dealing drugs.

For his part, GOB realized that Michael's awkwardness and blind inexperience must mean that he, not Tobias, must be Michael's first experimentation. He paused and smiled into Michael's eyes. "You weren't lying to me."

"What?" Michael blinked and was rather light-headed at the moment.

GOB just said, "Here, like this," as he grasped both of them with a fond squeeze.

Michael moaned, "GOB," and kissed him fiercely.

The brothers indulged their lust until the deal was thoroughly sealed. Then they breathlessly reclined under the covers.

When the afterglow wore off again, Michael became pensive. There was no denying it now. That was definitely sex. His remorse and self-loathing returned, and he started to turn away.

GOB said, "Hey," and firmly put his arms around his brother, unwilling to let Michael run off to the bathroom again.

"I-I'm not going," Michael said, but he didn't return the embrace.

GOB rested his head against Michael's shoulder for more reassurance. He really could be needy and pathetic sometimes.

Michael frowned silently, knowing that it was pointless to run away. He had to face the disturbing truth. He might be gay after all, or at least gay for GOB in particular. Not just once, but twice, with his own brother. This was especially horrible, considering how recently GOB had betrayed George Michael. The sex was doubly good, but the guilt was doubly bad.

With a half smile, GOB echoed his earlier comment, "You really didn't (bleep) him, or anything."

"No," Michael said flatly. He was glad that GOB finally believed him, but did it have to be this way?

"And not Lindsay, either?"

Michael shook his head.

GOB was pleased to be special, and he kissed Michael again. But he got no response, and he asked, "What? You still worried about the kids?"

"I-I just-- They--" Michael realized miserably that he was a hypocrite, after all. George Michael and Maeby weren't doing anything near this bad. They were only cousins, and not even blood-related. Besides, in many places around the world, cousin marriage was perfectly legal and common.

Michael had overreacted about the kids for all the wrong reasons. He had opposed their relationship because he couldn't deal with his own inappropriately tangled relationship with GOB. He also futilely wanted to preserve George Michael's innocence and to keep the family from corrupting him, but Michael was the one being corrupted.

GOB said reassuringly, "Relax. Steve will find them. Even if they don't wanna come back yet, I'll still help you, Michael. Yeah, maybe we'll kidnap them, or scare them with J. Walter Weatherman." He laughed. "It'll be like when we taught Dad a lesson."

Michael shook his head. "No! Dad was right. It's my fault." He had only driven the kids closer together, and maybe they were even consummating their marriage right now.

"What?"

Michael tried to sit up, but GOB stopped him. "I need the phone."

So GOB let him sit up, but he sat close and still held onto his brother.

Turning away, Michael called George Michael's phone and got the voicemail again. All he could do was leave a message. "I-I'm sorry. Please don't delete this. I'm sorry, George Michael. I'm so sorry. I was wrong. But don't leave me like this. Come home. I--you can bring Maeby. You can see her, you can date her, whatever you want. But come home please. I-I can't go to L.A. My bail says--" He had difficulty speaking as he became more distraught, and his voice broke. "I love you."

Then he hung up and bowed his head, feeling helpless.

Surprised, GOB hugged him from behind and asked, "Huh? You changed your mind?"

Michael said with despair, "I-I don't even know if they'll listen to the message, or come back. Maybe I've lost him for good. It's my fault." Then he cried.

GOB found this quite weird, especially since the "robot" had uncharacteristically shed tears just yesterday. The sight was still not pretty, but since Michael seemed far more upset now than he had been on the ship, GOB decided not to make fun of his brother this time. So he merely turned Michael around in his arms and gently tasted his tears. "Mikey."

This time Michael returned the embrace, feeling pathetic and needy himself.

* * *

Steve Holt called his not-cousins too, but their phones were still off, so he left a message. "Maeby, where are you? I just found out that we're not cousins, and that you got married. Can we talk?" But she never returned the call. 

But driving on the highway, Maeby eventually looked behind and realized that Steve was following them and honking from his Camaro.

George Michael turned around too and asked, "Steve Holt? What's he doing here?"

"I don't know! Oh (bleep). He'll tell GOB or your dad where we're going!"

Maeby took evasive maneuvers, while George Michael clutched the seat, suddenly wondering whether Maeby ever had formal driving lessons at all. Well, given her recklessness, at least he didn't have to worry about Maeby still liking Steve Holt. They might die on the way to L.A., but at least he wouldn't be insecure.

Steve Holt tried to tail them, but he eventually lost them, because Maeby knew the route so well. He felt hurt and rejected, that Maeby didn't even want to pull over and talk to him. Sadly, Steve looked for an exit so that he could turn the car around and head home. He would have to call GOB soon, but Steve hated the idea of disappointing his father.

Meanwhile, Maeby continued driving to L.A., but she became paranoid that other cars might be following them too. "I hope he didn't call GOB. Or what if he called my dad at his audition?"

"But Tobias would be coming from the other direction."

"Well maybe he sent a bounty hunter after us, or a private investigator."

"Maeby, you gotta calm down." His voice squeaked, "Can we just slow down a minute?"

"All right. You know what? Let's pull over for a rest stop."

"Yeah!"

She exited the highway, then took some side streets until they came to a hotel, which was decidedly classier than the kind of rest stop that Barry Zuckerkorn frequented.

As Maeby parked the car, George Michael asked, "Why are we stopping here? You think that there's a nice restaurant in the hotel?"

"No, I decided that we better check in."

"Check in? Aren't we still going to L.A.?"

"Yeah, we will. But maybe if we consummate this marriage, your dad will give up chasing us. Come on, let's get the bags."

George Michael complied, but his head swam with the thought of consummating their marriage. He had a dumb smile on his face as Maeby checked them into the hotel and asked for the honeymoon suite.

At the first the clerk looked askance at their youth and their lack of wedding rings, but Maeby smoothly told him that they had just eloped, and she tipped well.

So they soon headed upstairs to a grand and beautiful suite. As the bell hop left, Maeby put a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door.

George Michael watched her with anticipation and stammered awkwardly, "I-I feel like I should have, uh, carried you over the threshold or something."

She shrugged and said, "Ah, that's corny and old-fashioned. We've been married for about a month already anyway."

"Yeah. Yeah let's not waste--right now." He pulled her close and kissed her, while running his hands through her hair.

Maeby was not totally in the mood for sex yet, and she was still tense about someone possibly following them, but she did want to teach Uncle Mike a lesson. Still, George Michael's kisses brought back fond memories, helping to relax her.

"I can't believe this is really happening," he sighed happily, while drawing her to the bedroom.

"Yeah, me neither." Maeby went along, but started to flush and feel nervous. She had not been ready to go all the way with Steve Holt, and she and George Michael had only previously gone to second base. Suddenly the big movie exec was just a teenager again, and she whispered, "Uh, hey, maybe we could--could just fool around now. I mean, we don't have any condoms or anything... and we--we just need to make people _think_ that we did it."

George Michael paused and faced her. "Oh, uh yeah. Okay. Yeah. Whatever you want."

Maeby hoped that he wasn't upset about being apparently teased with sex. She softly admitted, "It--it's just my first time, you know."

"No, I know." He nodded and told her, "I haven't done it either. It's okay, Maeby. We don't have to rush, and like, we were gonna wait anyway, when we made that deal. I mean, just being here now... I, uh, I want us to sleep together again. In the same room." He squeezed her hand and spoke with wonder, "In the same bed."

She met his eyes and remembered how they kept sleeping separately in the past several weeks. In fact, they had also avoided each other following their kiss, a few months ago, when the house fell apart. "Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that." With a smile, she squeezed back on his hand and kissed him with relief.

They entered the bedroom and sat down on the large, fancy bed. At first they made out for a while, until George Michael started to unbutton her jacket. She took it off, and they both eagerly undressed. They even kicked off their shoes, and lay down while knocking aside extraneous pillows. Maeby got excited enough to let George Michael round second base again, and he dove head first into her breasts. It was still an amazing turn on, to realize that her usually timid and awkward not-cousin could be bold in getting off her bra.

Maeby strove to be just as bold, but unfortunately, she started to remember the recent sex talk with her parents, and it made her uncomfortable. "George Michael? George Michael, wait! Stop."

"Huh? Did I hurt you?"

"No, no, I--Ugh!" She sat up and had to explain to him her disgust. "I'm sorry. I can't do anymore. It's just, last night, my mom and dad gave me this horrible talk about sex, and now I can't get it out of my head."

"Oh. I understand."

She doubted it, and could see that he was still aroused. "I'm sorry. Look, maybe we can try again later."

"Sure. Listen, it's all right. Really. You said you just wanted to fool around, and we did, so..." He added with a grimace, "I mean, your dad once tried to have a sex talk with me too." This was when George Michael had asked Tobias about their problems in conceiving Maeby.

"Uggh!"

He shuddered too, and tried not to think that of what Tobias might have done with his dad. It was still hard to believe, and George Michael clung to the idea that his dad was just that desperately lonely. "I-I don't even know what my dad's gonna do now, if Aunt Lindsay knows, and they're all in the house together."

Maeby shrugged and looked puzzled too. "I don't know. I mean, my mom didn't try to move out or attack Uncle Mike again after that morning. Maybe after sleeping on it, she realized that Dad was bound to cheat on her with a guy someday. At least now she doesn't have to have sex with him anymore. Maybe my parents will get a divorce, or have an open marriage again."

"I guess." George Michael sighed sadly. "I wonder if that's why my dad couldn't accept us together, even though we're not blood-related." It did sound like too much intimacy in one family.

"Maybe." She felt less anger at Michael now, and more hope that Michael would just accept reality and not fight their marriage.

After pondering for a while, they started to dress and retrieve the stray pillows. Maeby asked him, "You sure this is okay?"

"Yeah." He could think more clearly now. "You know, I didn't even get you a ring yet, Maeby. We should wait and do this right."

She kissed him and laughed. "As long as it's not the same ring that you were gonna give to Bland."

"W-well it was my mom's engagement ring, and--" Seeing the look on Maeby's face, he said instead, "Anyway, your mom still has it, so..." He trailed off and laughed nervously. To change the subject, he said, "Hey, let's put the wedding ringtone back on your phone."

"Okay." So they did that, and Maeby began checking her voicemail messages too. She deleted everything from Michael, listened to Steve Holt's to learn what he knew, and then found a message from her mother.

Lindsay asked, "Kids, where are you? I think it's so romantic that you guys decided to stay married. You can still hide at Stan Sitwell's, you know, and I won't tell Michael. Call me back."

Hearing this, George Michael thought that maybe he could get the engagement ring from Lindsay again, but he did not say this out loud.

Then the kids decided to order some room service, including some champagne.

"I bet it will be better than that wine we had on my birthday."

"Yeah. Let's try it."

* * *

**Note that George Michael has not checked his own voicemail yet.**


	11. It Runs in the Family

**Yeah, it is weird how the show depicts cousin love as taboo, and how George Michael claimed that cousin marriage was illegal in their state. I guess the writers really wanted to make that joke about the legislation on family love.**

**Also strange is the fact that Michael's birth certificate lists the wrong gender, yet he never notices, nor mentions it when confronting his father. Check your DVDs if you don't believe me.**

* * *

Lying in bed now, Michael still clung to his brother, and he asked softly, "Do you think George Michael will forgive me? His note said that he still loved me." 

GOB shrugged and wasn't really listening anymore. He stopped tasting Michael's tears and kissed his mouth instead, while his hands started to wander under the covers.

Michael blinked and murmured, "Don't."

GOB nuzzled his ear and said, "Come on, it'll make you feel better."

Michael pulled back from the warmth and closeness of GOB's naked body, but as he pushed away GOB's hands, he felt the same thrill from when their fingers had entwined before. Michael met GOB's eyes and was tempted to have sex again, so that he could tie his record of three times in a row.

Then the phone rang, breaking the spell. Michael quickly let go and sat up, hoping that the call was from his son, but the caller ID showed GOB's son instead.

"Maybe he found them?"

"Hold on." GOB sat up and answered the call. "Hi, Steve."

Steve told him, "I'm sorry, Dad, but I lost them. Maeby was driving too fast."

"Well, that's okay," GOB answered. "Michael changed his mind, and he's gonna let them stay married, I guess."

"He is?"

Michael interrupted by grabbing the phone. "Steve, can you call them and tell George Michael that I'm really sorry? I left a message for him."

"Sure, Uncle Mike, but I don't know if they'll listen to my message either. They never answered my calls, and they drove away from me."

"They did?"

"Yeah. Hey, can I talk to my dad again?"

So Michael handed the phone back and now felt dirty about talking to Steve while he was naked in bed with GOB.

Steve told his dad, "I'm driving home now, and I thought maybe we could hang out today. Like, we could look for girls on summer break at the beach..."

GOB frowned and put him off, "No, no. I'm busy now. I gotta say here and... comfort Michael."

That sounded filthier than necessary, and Michael tried to protest, but GOB hushed him and would not let him grab the phone.

Steve suggested, "Well, then I could come over and help you cheer up Uncle Mike. We can do some magic for him or something."

"No, no. Michael's all, you know, depressed and crying. You don't wanna come over here--"

"But--"

"Hey you know what you can do? Since George Michael's out of town, why don't you take over his job at the banana stand? Yeah, see if you can run it by yourself, or you can call in those strippers we had at the Banana Shack, if you need help."

Steve felt rejected, but he thought that GOB was testing him somehow, after his failure to catch George Michael and Maeby. "Uh, okay, Dad. And maybe you'll come by the banana stand later to see how I'm doing?"

"Yeah, whatever. Bye." He abruptly hung up.

"GOB!" Michael was a bit upset with him. "Not those strippers again."

"What? He'll have a good time. You don't want him to catch us here, do you?"

"No, but--never mind." Michael grabbed the phone again.

"Enough phone calls." GOB hugged him and tried to kiss him.

"Not now." Michael pushed GOB away and dialed his lawyer's number. "Hi, Jan Eagleman, please. It's Michael Bluth."

Jan's secretary put the call through, and she said, "Michael, if this is about the kids, I told you to relax--"

"I know, Jan. But I wanted to tell you that I changed my mind about getting the annulment. I don't want you to track the kids down and drag them into court."

"Really? You'll let them stay married?"

"Yeah, if--if that's what my son wants now, then I'll support it." For George Michael's sake, Michael hoped that Maeby's feelings were genuine. "I just want him to be happy, and to come home. I've already called him to apologize, but I don't know if he'll listen to the message. But Maeby said something earlier about them having a lawyer, so if you can get in touch with their lawyer, can you please let them know that I'm sorry?"

"Of course, Michael. We can probably still find them through Maeby's movie studio, and I'll be sure to pass on the message. I'm very happy that you've decided to reconcile with the kids. Family disputes are just heartbreaking."

"Yeah. Speaking of family, can you find out what my dad is doing to find the kids? I think he'd try something crazy like sending a bounty hunter after them, and I don't want the kids to think that I'm involved with that."

"I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks. Bye." Michael hung up and sighed, trying not to worry.

GOB of course had an idea to help Michael relax, and he tossed aside the phone. With a kiss, he pulled his brother back down to the bed.

Michael wasn't in the mood this time, for tears or sex. "No, GOB. Not again."

"Why not?"

"Because you should--should go meet Steve at the banana stand. Make sure that he's not suspicious."

"But Mikey--" GOB nuzzled his face again.

However, Lindsay suddenly arrived downstairs with her shopping bags, and she called out excitedly, "Michael!"

"Oh no!" So the brothers got dressed and started cleaning up. Michael locked the door, so that she couldn't walk in on them.

* * *

Meanwhile, downstairs, Lucille Austero entered the house too, slowed down a little by the porch steps outside. As Lindsay put down some of her many bags in the foyer, Lucille pleaded with her. "You can't do this!" 

"Yes I can. Tobias is going to be in L.A. all day." Lindsay had called him earlier to tell him about the kids running away, and he told her about his audition. Since he was there already, Tobias agreed to go looking for the kids around the various movie studios. He did not intend to scold the kids, of course, but to selfishly ask Maeby to help him get cast in big films.

Lindsay asked Lucille 2, "Hey, do you think you can go make sure that my dad doesn't come home for a while?" She didn't want her liasion to be interrupted.

But the widow Austero was still horrifed by Lindsay's adulterous, incestuous plan. She had been trying to talk her out of it ever since Lindsay shopped for sexy lingerie at the department store. "No, Lindsay! In fact, I should call your father right now to come over here and stop you!"

"No, don't!" Lindsay grabbed the cell phone from her and looked mad. "I thought you were gonna support me!" Hanging out with Lucille 2 today had been refreshing, since Lindsay was so used to her own mother's cutting criticisms.

"I am," Lucille 2 said. "I'll support you in your new job, sweetie, but not in sleeping with Michael!" She felt that someone should give Lindsay some maternal advice.

"But it wouldn't really be cheating," Lindsay insisted. "I told you, Tobias and I haven't had sex in years."

Lucille Austero sympathized with that, but still spoke with concern, "I can understand you wanting to have an affair, but not with your own brother!"

"But he's not my real brother. I'm adopted. So it's okay, just like with the kids."

"No, it isn't. Cousins are different, and besides, you grew up with Michael. After all these years of thinking he was your brother, could you really sleep with him?"

Lindsay did look uncertain for a moment, but she rushed to the wet bar and declared, "That's what this is for!" She opened a bottle of Cloud Mir vodka and poured a drink, to steel her nerves.

Lucille 2 carefully stepped down from the foyer and joined Lindsay in the living room. "It's still wrong," she said, then offered, "I mean, couldn't you let me set you up with someone else?"

Lindsay shook her head. "I'm horny now, and I didn't get anywhere dating other men. I couldn't give this away!" She gestured to her general gorgeousness in frustration. "Besides, Michael wants to! He's been flirting with me forever, even when he thought that I was his sister!" With that conviction, she grabbed the bottle and rushed upstairs with a bag containing romantic paraphernalia.

"Lindsay!" Lucille tried to follow her, but could not manage the circular stairs without triggering her vertigo. So she sat down on the steps and tried to call for help from her chauffeur outside.

hr

Upstairs, Lindsay knocked at the bedroom door and inquired sexily, "Michael, are you there? I've got a surprise for you." She heard some commotion from inside the room, but no one answered her yet. "Michael? Tobias is gonna be gone for the whole day, so we can have sex now."

"No!" Michael blushed deeply and found himself looking at GOB with... guilt? Concern? Fear that he would be jealous? No, those all sounded wrong.

GOB wasn't angry, though, because he did still trust Michael. He thought that Lindsay was just trying to seduce Michael because she was so desperate to get away from Tobias, and because she was adopted. Lindsay had also claimed on the ship that she was going to marry Michael, so she might still be pursuing that. In any case, GOB didn't blame anyone for wanting Michael.

Lindsay said, "Come on, Michael! I'm not that much older than you, and we both really need the sex."

"No, I told you! I don't want to have an affair."

"What, you want me to divorce Tobias for you? Okay let's talk about it, but just let me in." She was afraid that Lucille 2 would still try to get upstairs and stop them.

"No, no! I don't want to have sex with you."

GOB finished dressing, and he whispered in Michael's ear, "I'll take care of this."

"What? How?"

Lindsay thought that Michael was talking to her, and she was pleased by his apparent change of mind. "How? Oh, we'll do anything you want, Mike. You want me to talk dirty to you first?" He must really have gotten off on that phone sex transcript. "Well, we could (bleep) or (bleep) or--"

"Lindsay!" Michael covered his ears in horror.

Meanwhile, GOB sneaked out through the terrace and into the kids' window. Soon he came out of the kids' bedroom and startled Lindsay in the hallway.

She jumped, dropping her bag and bottle. "What are you doing here?" Lindsay hoped that GOB hadn't overheard; she was also angry that the vodka had spilled, because she was going to need all the alcohol she could get.

GOB said, "Stop bothering Michael. He doesn't want to have sex. He's, uh, he's all upset about kids running away."

"I know that." Lindsay picked up her stuff and said, half to Michael, "But some sex will cheer him up and help him relax."

"Nah, he's been, like, crying all day. It's not pretty." He hoped that this would discourage Lindsay, and he tried to pull her by the arm away from the door.

"Let go!" Lindsay said. "Lucille 2 is downstairs. Why don't you go off with her and check on Buster or something."

"No, Lindsay, why don't you go with her? Dad wanted you to spy--"

"Get out, GOB!" She made a threatening move, and he jumped back fearfully. He well remembered their fight on the ship, and if she attacked him now, Mom wouldn't be there to rescue him.

Lindsay stepped toward him again, and GOB ran off like a coward, around the corner and down the stairs. He soon ran into Lucille 2, who asked, "Did you stop her?"

"No, uh, I couldn't. She wouldn't listen to me."

"Oh dear. Well do you have a phone, so that we can call your father?"

"Okay." For now, he had to hope that Michael's locked door would be a good enough defense, and that Lindsay wouldn't figure out how to go through the terrace.

Alone now at Michael's door, Lindsay spoke seductively again. "Michael, I can cheer you up. I went shopping today, and I got a really hot negligee."

"You're my sister!" But did that even mean anything anymore, after what happened with GOB?

"No, I'm not. It's just like with the kids. You know, if we do it, I might even tell you where they are."

"What? You--you know?"

"Um, I could find out. Tobias is looking for them now."

"Oh, good." Michael felt better. "He should, should tell them that I'm sorry. They can be together, and I won't fight them anymore."

"Oh, that's so great, Michael. I knew you'd change your mind eventually. Now they can be happy, and so can we."

"No, no, we can't--"

"Come on, Michael, you want me. (Bleep) me."

"Linds--" But then Michael blinked and wondered why he was refusing. At least Lindsay wasn't blood-related to him, and she was a beautiful woman. Maybe he had only given into GOB because he was feeling low and lonely at the time. If Lindsay had been home and had tackled him like she had the other night, then he might well have slept with her instead. And maybe if he slept with her now, it would at least reassure him that he was straight after all.

"Michael," she begged, feeling almost painfully horny. "Let's celebrate--my new job, my being adopted--anything you want."

Michael swallowed and whispered, "Can we go in your room?" He didn't want her to come into his bedroom until he had a chance to change the sheets.

"My room? But you have the big bed."

"I know." He fumbled for some excuse. "But your room... has twin beds. And we used to be twins." Boy, that was a stretch.

She said a little hesitantly, "Um, okay." Apparently Michael got off on really weird stuff. "But we'll have to clean up before Tobias gets home."

"Okay. So--so you go change into your sexy outfit, and I'll be right there."

"Okay!" So she hurried down the hall with her stuff, and went into the connecting bathroom.

After a moment, Michael came out and entered the pink room, locking the door behind him. Then he sat down on one of the beds and took a breath, inwardly repeating to himself that Lindsay wasn't really his sister. She was adopted. As he waited for her to change clothes, he nervously asked, "So we'll really do this?"

"Yeah. I brought some vodka too. We can get drunk like that one time at Christmas."

"Oh right." Michael recalled the day that they got soused and lay on the floor in the living room, while discussing their romantic problems. He grabbed the bottle from the vanity and poured a drink to steady himself. "But this time we'll, um, we'll kiss and--and touch..."

"Uh yeah..." Lindsay gulped a little uncertainly as she imagined it.

"And you'll wear that sexy negligee." He drank down the vodka.

Lindsay suddenly said with panic, "I can't do this!"

"What?" Michael blinked.

She shuddered in disgust and rushed out of the bathroom. Lindsay covered herself, even though at the moment she wanted to yank the sexy lingerie right off her body. "I'm sorry, Michael!" she said, "I can't have sex with you. You're my brother!"

Michael just sat staring at her, stunned and confused by her change of heart.

Then she grabbed her street clothes and ran to the door, getting flustered when she found it locked. As she unlocked it, she said, "I'm sorry. Look, I-I'll make it up to you, Mike. I'll set up you with Sally Sitwell again. Or, um, get you a hooker. I'm sorry!" She then escaped the room.

Michael kept blinking and heard her run off downstairs. He wasn't sure whether he felt more rejected or relieved by her chickening out.

However, GOB soon came back upstairs and found him in the room. He said with a smile, "You sure scared her off! Smart. Lindsay only wants what she can't have."

Of course. Michael finished his vodka and wished that such absurd logic worked with other family members.

GOB sat down beside him and said, "Lindsay's changing her clothes in the downstairs bathroom now, and Lucille 2 is going to help her return the sexy stuff to the store, so they'll be gone soon. I wish we hadn't called Dad, though."

"You called Dad?"

"Yeah, Lucille thought he could come over and stop Lindsay, but Dad got all mad at you and started yelling. He called you a traitor, and said he was gonna kick you out of the house."

"Oh great." Dad still thought he was betraying the family to get out of jail. Michael poured himself another drink.

GOB said, "Don't worry, Mikey. You can stay with me."

"Where? At the penthouse with Buster and Oscar?"

GOB nodded. "But we'll still try to get the yacht back, right?" With a smile, he suggested, "Hey, we could even skip town and take the yacht down South America way." He liked the idea of Michael running away with him, instead of from him.

"I can't go anywhere, GOB. I'm on trial, and the police would come after me."

"But I could hide you in my magic cage, and smuggle you to Mexico. Yeah, I'll pretend I'm touring with my magic show again, and then we can disappear. You don't know how your trial's gonna go, Michael, and they might make you wait at Orange County like they did with Dad. You're too hot for prison."

Michael rolled his eyes and sighed. He did long to escape this mess, but with his son, not with GOB. Even if they hid at the house in Cabo, GOB would get them into trouble with his chicken dance, like he always did. Michael didn't want to be a fugitive either. "No, I should stick around, in case George Michael comes back."

GOB shrugged and put an arm around Michael; he was still contemplating a way to help his brother escape from prison, if and when he ended up there. But his phone rang again, and he said, "Oh, that must be Dad. I hung up on him when Lindsay came downstairs."

However, it was Lindsay calling from the back of Lucille 2's limo.

"What, Lindsay? You want me to hire Nellie for Michael? And have her wear a blonde wig? Well, that's gonna cost extra--"

"GOB!" Michael grabbed the phone from him. "Lindsay."

"M-Michael." She was quite upset and nervous to hear his voice. "I'm sorry! I-I thought I could, but--"

"I know, I know. It's okay. But I don't want a hooker, Lindsay. Look, can you just--just tell Dad that nothing happened, and that I'm not betraying the family?"

"Okay. But don't you still need... um, you know?" She found herself unable to use the word "sex" with Michael just now. "What about Sally? I could talk to--"

"No, no. Don't do that, Lindsay." Sally Sitwell had dumped him after all, and he didn't think he could look at her the same way, ever since Lindsay had suggested that Sally was a stand-in for her.

"But I feel so bad, Michael. You wanted me for so long, and I wanna make it up to you. Maybe I can help you get in touch with the kids..."

"Yeah, if you can..." But Michael felt distracted, because GOB began kissing his neck and trying to coax him to get off the phone.

Michael said, "Lindsay, can you do something else for me? Can you get GOB's yacht back?"

"What?"

GOB also was surprised by this request.

Michael continued, "The police impounded the _C-word_, and he's been nagging me to help him get it back. You can do it because you're president of the company now. Just sign it over to him."

"Well, I--if that's what you really want..."

"Yeah, please, just take care of that, Lindsay."

"All right, Michael. I'm so sorry." She hung up, but still felt puzzled.

GOB grinned and kissed Michael happily.

Michael pulled away. "Uh, GOB, you better leave now. Go work the banana stand with Steve Holt and get rid of those strippers. I should clean up around here, in case Dad comes over."

"Oh, you think he'll still be mad after Lindsay calls him? Maybe I should be here too."

"No, no. I'll be okay. You should just go and wait for Lindsay to call you. Then Steve can drive you to the impound and help you haul the yacht back to the dock."

"Oh, right. And you can pack your stuff too."

"Yeah." Michael had intended to leave the house anyway, and it would be even more awkward to stay here when Lindsay came back.

"Okay, I'll see you later." GOB gave him another lingering hug and kiss before he left the room.

Michael soon heard GOB stop at the attic, though, and go upstairs. "Hey, Franklin. Guess what? I (bleep)ed Michael."

Michael protested, "GOB!" He wasn't surprised that GOB was boasting about what he hadn't technically done, but he was disturbed that GOB was still talking to Franklin like a real person. GOB was really crazy, but of course he had to be, to seduce his own brother. Michael was probably crazy too, from living with his family.

GOB replied, "What? Franklin won't tell anybody." He rushed down, then put away the stairs. "I'll call you when we get the yacht." He clearly assumed that Michael would come live with him.

Michael didn't say anything, just finishing the last of his drink and staring into the vanity mirror.

GOB left, telling Franklin about how they would soon get the yacht back.

Alone, Michael went back to the master bedroom and changed the sheets. When he came back with fresh sheets, he passed the door to the secret room and frowned.

For years, Michael had always mistaken that door for a fake linen closet. The doors didn't open by pulling out, so he assumed that it was just a model home sample. He'd never tried pushing in the door before he saw the blueprints of the house. If only he'd known about that secret room before, he could have solved a lot of family mysteries much earlier. Maybe it still contained secrets.

So after putting the new sheets on the bed, Michael went back and searched the secret room for some evidence that either he or GOB might be adopted. It might make him feel better, and it could explain why their parents always treated GOB badly.

Michael found his Nichael birth certificate again, but the only things that were obviously wrong were his name and the listed gender of "female." A couple of pages later in the album, he found Lindsay's birth certificate, but to his surprise, it did not have her real name of Nellie, and all the information about birthplace and birthparents were exactly like on the Nichael birth certificate. (This had puzzled Maeby and George Michael too, so they left it behind, thinking that it was just a fake.)

Michael called Jan Eagleman and told her of his discovery. "How easy is it to fake something like a birth certificate?"

Jan answered, "Well, it doesn't necessarily have to be fake, Michael. With adoptions, the government used to always issue a new birth certificate, listing the adoptive parents as the birth parents. This prevented the child from knowing that he or she was adopted, unless the parents wanted to tell him or her. With your parents claiming that Lindsay was your twin, they would have to have the details match exactly, or the truth would have come out years ago."

"You mean, it's actually okay to lie on an official government document?"

"Well, in this case, yes. That's how it was with closed adoptions. But now, with open adoptions, the laws are different, and you don't necessarily have to hide the birth parents from the child."

Michael felt hope now. Maybe his Nichael birth certificate was just as worthless as Lindsay's. Maybe he wasn't even a Bluth at all, and he wasn't doomed to be a part of his insane family. "Wow! Well maybe I-I should do some investigating and find out the whole truth."

"Sure, if you want to, but I don't understand why you're so curious about your family ties right now?"

"Uh, you know, just with Lindsay's adoption coming out now, and knowing that Mom always lied about Buster's father, I'd like to know what other secrets they've been hiding from us."

"Okay. If this will help distract you from worrying about the kids, that's fine with me."

"Yeah, thanks Jan." So he called the family detective and asked him how good he was at looking into birth and adoption records. "And how about doing a DNA test?" Gene Parmesan said he could outsource that part, so Michael hired him and said he would give him the birth certificates, so he could investigate.

Just when Michael was feeling happier, he ran across some old home movies, labeled "lessons" and "boyfights." Years before the home video market prompted George Sr. to to videotape the boys for profit, he still provoked them as pre-teens and filmed them for his own non-commercial amusement.

Michael stared at the faded film and recalled his horrible childhood. In hindsight, there were many clues that Lindsay was adopted and older than him; he had been rather stupidly blind. Michael also realized why Lindsay thought he was attracted to her, but there were seeds for his twisted relationship with GOB too.

* * *

GOB of course had always been jealous of his younger siblings, for getting the love and attention that he never got in the first place. He was forbidden to hurt Lindsay, so he took out his frustrations by beating up Michael twice as hard, at least until Buster was born, and he had another target. 

George Sr. encouraged GOB's wrathful envy as well, believing that the competition would do them good. In 1976, after yet another staged tussle, young Michael ran off and cried in a corner.

"Hey, hey!" George Sr. turned off the camera and told him that big boys don't cry.

"GOB's bigger than me, and he always wins. Why don't you stop him?"

"I can't fight your battles for you, Michael. How would you learn to be a man, then? I mean, come on, do you want to end up like your pansy-ass baby brother? Or your sissy cousin Larry?"

"Leave me alone!"

"Mike, Mike!" George Sr. finally turned apologetic and sighed. "Look, would it help if I took you fishing?"

"I hate fishing!"

"No, no, you just got seasick because we went out on the ocean."

"And GOB pushed me off the boat!"

"Well, you learned how to swim, didn't you? But look, this time I'll take you up to my new cabin near Lake Tahoe. The water will be calmer there, and we'll have some real guy fun, huh? You'll love it, Mike. Look, I won't even take GOB along. It'll be just our secret." He could always manipulate his sons with secrets and privileges.

"Really?" Michael felt somewhat better and finally stopped crying.

"Yeah, and listen, we won't even tell your mom about this cabin either, okay?"

"Okay."

Of course, George Sr. never took him to the cabin, no matter how many times he promised that he would. Michael was always disappointed, but he learned not to cry, and he rationalized that he hated fishing anyway.

Michael also finally told his mother about the cabin, and she put a stop to George Sr.'s secret trips to Tahoe. He soon came to regret that, though. Whenever their father was out of town, the brothers' rivalry eased somewhat. When GOB wasn't hostile, he was nicer and kind of fun to be around. At those times, Michael realized that he did not hate GOB after all; he actually kind of liked him. But with Dad at home, the antagonism returned, and of course Dad also wanted to punish Michael for betraying his secret.

During the summers, Michael didn't like working at the banana stand with no air conditioning, but George Sr. insisted that this was a family tradition and that he was learning responsibility. "That's the sweet sting of sweat in your eye from a hard day's work. You should be grateful."

It was hard for Michael to be grateful, when he was covered in sweat and chocolate, instead of having fun on the beach like his siblings.

George Sr. added that if Michael proved himself at the banana stand, then he could take over the housing business someday, passing over his older brother.

At the beach, GOB didn't enjoy himself even when he crushed Buster's sand castle. He kept grumbling about how "Dad only lets Michael work at the banana stand." The grass was always greener on Michael's side.

To avoid further fights, Michael often tried to spend more time with Lindsay at home, but sometimes she acted strangely when they were alone together. She entered puberty earlier than all her friends and became very moody, especially at times when she was on a diet because of their mother's criticisms.

When the twins were both supposedly 10, Lindsay even got upset when Michael sneaked into her room one night after another fight with GOB.

She hugged Michael comfortingly at first, but when he asked to spend the night with her, she refused and pushed him away.

"Please, Lindsay. You don't have to share the bed. I'll just get my sleeping bag and sleep on the floor."

She considered that briefly, but shook her head and felt self-conscious of her boobs again. "No. Get out before Mom and Dad catch you here."

"It's not weird, Lindsay. Come on, we're twins." He was trying his best to cultivate that special bond that he always read about twins having.

"No. You can't stay here. Go stay in Buster's room."

"But he's a baby." Buster was 6, still clinging to Mommy in a way that none of the other Bluths did.

"Then go make up with GOB." Lindsay forcibly kicked Michael out of the room, and locked the door. Michael did want to make up with GOB, but it was impossible. GOB would not listen to reason and was not smart enough to figure out that their father, not Michael, was the real cause of their problems.

So Michael miserably slept on the couch in the living room. In the morning, he again begged to have his own room, but their father still refused, even though they had plenty of room in the old house. At such times, Michael hated their father.

Michael and GOB's rivalry worsened as they both became teenagers. Once GOB started seducing girls with his "car trouble?" routine, he often teased Michael for being a virgin, and for liking Sally "Stickwell." So Michael avoided telling GOB anything about his new crush on Tracy at school.

GOB humiliated Michael anyway by winning the election for class president, but Michael knew that this was partly because of George Sr.'s dirty campaign tricks. GOB always strove to please their father, and maybe that would be his only great achievement; after high school it would all be downhill for GOB, especially since he wanted to pursue a career as a magician.

Michael consoled himself with the thought that he would go away to college soon and escape the fights at last. Then he could take over the Bluth Company in a few more years, and hopefully pursue and marry Tracy.

Little did Michael know then that George Sr. would always keep him under his thumb and never fully trust him with the company. Little did he know that trying to make friends with GOB would only create a different, passionate tension between them. A bond deeper than friendship, and stranger than love. GOB didn't even seem disturbed by how sick and wrong this was. Apparently to him the only thing better than having more victories than Michael was having Michael himself.

* * *

**There are various references to the Bluths' education. In _Public Relations_, Lucille implies that all the kids went to Milford, and only Buster liked it. Even though Buster stayed at Milford too long, he still ended up at a high school that did allow talking, as shown in the clip of the bully in the bear costume. So I'm assuming that Milford at first didn't include high school grades, but it later did, which is how Annyong got sent there (and George Michael interviewed there). According to episode 309, Lindsay also attended a "New Age feel-goodery" school in 1979, when the Muffin Man poisonings took place. George Sr. probably pulled her out of that school after poisoning the teachers.**

**So apparently all the kids went to Milford at first, and Lindsay also went to that New Age school for a while, until everyone ended up at Balboa High School. Episode 102 even features yearbook pictures showing that Michael and Lindsay were in the same grade, but this is contradicted by _Missing Kitty_, where Michael recalls that Lindsay repeated the 9th grade. There's also a deleted scene where Lindsay confirms that Michael graduated ahead of her. Anyway, I'm going to ignore the deleted scene as not being a part of the continuity, and instead assume that George Sr. did something crooked to get them to graduate in the same year.**


	12. Intoxicated

George Sr. was driving the staircar as fast as he could, when Lindsay called him. "Lindsay, you get away from Michael right now!"

"I already did! I-I just left the house with Lucille."

"Thank God." He was relieved, but asked with concern, "Lindsay, honey, tell me that he didn't touch you!"

"No, no! Nothing happened. We--we didn't even kiss." But she still felt creeped out about it. "I-I just couldn't go through with it."

"Of course not! You shouldn't have tried to in the first place."

"I know, Daddy." She gulped with regret. "But it's just that I never have sex with Tobias, or anybody else. So I thought, if I'm adopted, and Michael wants me, then maybe I should let him..."

"No, Lindsay! You can do better than him. I mean, has Michael _really_ been coming onto you? For years?"

Lindsay answered, "Yeah, but--but not all the time. Most of the time, he acts super strict and moral because he's struggling not to have sex with me."

"That sick bastard!"

"Daddy, don't be mad! He can't help it. He's lonely, and you know how he's afraid of girls."

"I don't care! I'm going to kick Michael out of the house, and then I never want you to see or talk to him again."

"No, Daddy, please! It's my fault for being so gorgeous, and for wearing slutty outfits sometimes for Tobias or other guys. I should be more careful around Michael, and I shouldn't have toyed with his feelings today."

"It's not your fault, honey. He should know better. Besides, Michael sold out your mother to the prosecutor. He's a traitor."

Lindsay was actually kind of pleased to hear that. "Well, Daddy... she is guilty. She let you stay in prison for her, and she's not my mother, anyway."

"Lindsay!" But George Sr. didn't want to get into his ambivalence about his wife just now. He sighed and said, "Look, honey, if you just wanted to leave Tobias, then you should have told me. I'll track down Barry in Reno." George Sr. had pre-paid Barry Zuckerkorn to handle Lindsay's divorce, so unless he got a refund of that money, he would have to pay again for a new lawyer to take the case.

"No, no, I don't want a divorce, Daddy. I still love Tobias."

George Sr. rolled his eyes. "That useless Nellie?"

"He's not useless. He's helping us find the kids in L.A. right now."

"I already got a bounty hunter on that."

Lindsay perked up. "You mean Ice?" She remembered that muscular and attractive black man.

"Yeah, he offered a special deal to find the kids and cater your birthday party." George Sr. was also eager to taste the smoothies and salmon rolls that had been served at his wake, but which he had not been able to sample, since he was hiding in the attic.

"I can't wait!"

George Sr. was glad that Lindsay sounded excited about his party instead of Sitwell's for once. Given his earlier lies, he made the excuse, "I just hired him today, because we had to scale down your party, after the arrests."

"Thank you, Daddy!"

"You're welcome, honey. But like I said, we don't need Tobias. His pansy ass wouldn't be able to drag the kids back here for an annulment anyway."

"Oh, not an annulment! No, let them stay together."

"Lindsay, we already talked about this. They're too young."

"Well, the kids can always get a divorce later. Barry can do that instead."

"No! If Maeby gets pregnant--"

"Then we'll just send her to a clinic and get rid of it." That was how George Sr. handled Lindsay's dozens of pregnancies before Maeby. "Come on, Daddy, have a heart. Even Michael changed his mind about the kids."

"He what?"

"Yeah, he's okay with them now. It's great, 'cause the kids can be happy, and we just can talk them into coming home."

"Lindsay--"

"Oh I gotta go now." She hung up as the limo arrived at the department store.

Meanwhile, George Sr. parked the staircar in front of the model home and rushed inside. Lindsay had left her other shopping bags in the foyer, full of new clothes, cosmetics, shampoos, and conditioners. George Sr. wondered whether he could sneak away a few items and wrap them up as birthday presents for Lindsay. Nah, she would probably notice.

Just then, Michael came down the stairs. He had packed as many personal belongings as he could fit in the only remaining overnight bags in the house.

George Sr. turned to him accusingly. "You sick bastard!"

Ignoring his father, Michael dropped his bags by the door and walked past him to the study. He grabbed his laptop from the desk, then stuffed it into its leather case.

"Michael, what the hell has gotten into you?! First you screw your mother--"

"Ughh, Dad! God!" He grimaced and shuddered at the mental image.

"How do you think I feel when I screw her?" Then George continued his previous sentence, "And now you're trying to screw your sister too!"

"Nothing happened, Dad. Didn't she tell you yet?"

"Yes, and she says that you've been lusting after her, even before you knew she was adopted."

Michael sighed and rolled his eyes.

"How could you, Mike? Coming onto your own sister. Was it some kind of twisted revenge on me for the boyfights and everything?"

"Dad, I don't want Lindsay! I never did. But whenever Mom called her fat or said that her old nose was huge, I would tell her she was beautiful. That's all. She must have misunderstood me."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, really. I was just being nice. And to think that all along, you guys knew Lindsay was three years older. How could you let Mom destroy her self-esteem like that?"

George Sr. said, "You know your mother. You can't argue with her. I couldn't control how she coddled Buster either." He still wished that he could throw Buster out of the penthouse and force him to get a job. "If you don't want Lindsay, then why did you try to have sex with her just now?"

Michael knew that he could not explain his true reasons, so he settled on a convenient lie. "I wasn't... I-I was just trying to scare her off, Dad. She only wants what she can't have. I didn't want to hurt her feelings."

George Sr. scoffed. "So you were just humoring her? Why should I believe you?"

Michael shrugged. "Believe whatever you want to, Dad. I don't care anymore. I haven't betrayed Mom either, but you just can't believe that because this whole family is built on lies and secrets and manipulation. Well I'm sick of it. You know, those kids had the right idea by eloping to L.A."

"The kids! Why would you let them stay married? Are you crazy?"

"Yeah I guess I am, Dad. But why shouldn't they be happy? They're the only sane ones in this family now. If I can just get my charges dropped, then I'll join them in L.A."

"Yeah, by turning in your mom! You bastard!"

"Goodbye, Dad." Michael took his bags and headed outside. Even though he still had a slight vodka buzz, he figured that he should take the staircar, and not his bike, which would not hold all his stuff. Anyway, the staircar was big enough and slow enough that other cars would get out of its way.

George Sr. followed and protested from the porch, "Hey, where do you think you're going in that staircar? It doesn't belong to you, Mike. It belongs to the company, and you're not the president anymore!"

Michael just dumped his bags on the front seat, then got in and started the engine.

"Fine, go ahead! You think you can get away with this, just because Lindsay feels sorry for you? Well as far as I'm concerned, you're out of the family."

As Michael drove away, George Sr. shouted, "You're not my son!"

Michael really hoped that was true.

* * *

At the hotel, the kids sat on the bed, snacking and drinking from their room service cart. Unaware that they had never tasted real alcohol before, Maeby said, "Whoa. I don't know if it's the bubbles, but this champagne is really going to my head fast. I might not be able to drive soon." 

George Michael smiled and said, "Then let's not go to L.A. yet, Maeby. I mean, what's the rush? We could just stay here for a couple of weeks and have our honeymoon."

She smiled but shook her head. "No, I can't stay here that long. I was already supposed to bring the lawyer the copy of our marriage certificate today. Besides, I gotta get back to work on my new movie."

"Oh. Your new movie--is it that _Gangee_ sequel?" He had thought that the horror movie monster looked familiar, but he hadn't said anything before. Maybe all women who had facelifts looked like Gangee did.

"Uh, yeah." Maeby shrugged, wary of letting him know about the Bluth movie. She still hadn't forged her family's signatures yet.

"Wow. Hey, can I come to the studio and see how they do they makeup and special effects?"

"No, uh, I'm sorry, George Michael. They don't like me to have guests on the lot, and I gotta handle all this stuff about my work permit and getting a tutor. I'm really too swamped to take you around."

"Oh. I understand." He was disappointed that they wouldn't get to spend time together, on what could have been their honeymoon.

Maeby told him, "But you'll be busy too. You can be in charge of moving us into an apartment in L.A., and maybe we'll go sightseeing in Hollywood later."

"Okay. Oh, speaking of movies..." George Michael unpacked his laptop so that they could watch a DVD. He selected _Les Cousins Dangereux_, hoping that it would get Maeby in the mood to fool around again.

Maeby assumed that he bought _Les Cousins Dangereux_ after her American remake came out. However, she noticed some extra flyers in the DVD case, and they were ads all for movies that came out a few years ago. She laughed and half spit out her champagne. "Oh my God, when did you buy this?"

George Michael blushed a little. "Well, it's just... I-I thought you were trying to send me a message, Maeby, when we tried to see it at the theatre. Remember? You saw that it was about cousins, and you said, 'We have got to see this movie.' I thought it meant that you liked me and wanted to kiss some more."

"I just wanted to see an R-rated, sexy movie--you know, the naughtier the better. Besides, it was just actors playing cousins, not real cousins."

"Oh."

"But it was cool that you got us fake passports, even if we got thrown out anyway." With a smile, she put down her champagne glass and pulled him close. "It turns out that we aren't really cousins either."

"Yeah." They sank into a kiss and nudged aside the laptop, not caring about the movie any longer.

As they made out, Maeby started to murmur, "Shorsh--Georsh Miklel--" She was surprised by her drunken slurring, and she giggled. "Your name's too long! We should give you a nickname."

"Like your real name is Mae, but everybody calls you Maeby?"

"Yeah, don't remind me." Thinking of her own Surely alias, Maeby asked, "What's the opposite of Georsh Michael?"

"The other guy from Wham?"

Maeby laughed and snuggled closer to him. "How about G-M? G-M, G-M, G-M!" She repeated it at different speeds, and with different stresses. "It sounds like MGM, run together."

George Michael felt silly too. "You want me to roar like the lion?" He playfully roared and growled, making pawing motions at her.

She growled back, then kissed him with a smile.

He sighed happily and looked into her eyes. "I love you."

Maeby blinked nervously and sobered up a little then. She of course knew already that George Michael loved her. It was the only thing that explained all his behavior, especially since they found out they were married a few weeks ago. But hearing George Michael actually say the words was new, and Maeby could only unconvincingly answer, "Me too."

George Michael noticed her hesitation, but he just hugged her close and said nothing. He decided that Maeby was just scared, and that he had time to make her fall deeply in love with him. All that mattered now was that they were together, like he'd always wanted.

Maeby still felt bad about her lie. She did have a crush on George Michael, and had been jealous about him dating Bland, but it seemed that George Michael's feelings ran so much deeper. She wanted to be with him now, but she didn't know whether she wanted them to stay married for the rest of their lives. They were only 16.

"George Michael, I-I have to tell you something."

"It's okay, Maeby. We're both a little drunk."

How kind, for him to dismiss his declaration of love as drunken babbling. That touched her even more. "No, um, it--it's about my job. See, I'm not working on the _Gangee_ sequel anymore. It's already finished, and Tantamount's got me on something new."

"Yeah?" He wondered why it was important now.

She searched for where to begin. "When I begged for my job back the other day, my boss Mort said that they wanted to make a TV show about my life story."

"Really? Like that _Scandal Makers_ about Pop-Pop's escape?"

"Yeah, but not just one episode. Like, a whole show, with the whole family in it. But anyway, since that huge incident on the Queen Mary, they decided to make it a movie instead, and that's my new project."

"Wow. With the whole family in it. But wait, how can they do that, Maeby? Wouldn't they get sued, since they don't have anybody's permission?" He surely would have heard about this movie from the rest of the family.

"Uh, well they didn't need everyone's signatures," she claimed, not wanting to get into the whole forgery thing. "It's my life story, so they just needed to get my permission. Besides, my dad signed away all the rights for the whole family when he was in that _Scandal Makers_ episode."

"Oh yeah. That's right."

"I'm sorry. I know it seems like--like I'm selling out the family, but I still thought we were cousins then, and I needed to get away from you."

He nodded. "I understand, Maeby. And I guess you can't get out of it now if you signed something."

"No. Besides, we still need the job, to support us in L.A."

"Yeah. It's gonna be kind of weird, though, to see our lives in some movie. Like a real life _Les Cousins Dangereux_?"

"I guess so."

"Well, how much were you gonna show, Maeby? Up until we got married?"

"Oh, um... Well, I wanted my job back so that I could get you off my mind, you know. I wasn't going to talk about you that much in the movie, but now..." She shrugged and softly smiled. "Maybe the rewrite will be different."

"Yeah, because we have a happy ending." George Michael kissed her, and offered, "I could you help you write that part, huh?"

"Sure." Maeby felt relieved and pleased that he wasn't angry at her or offended by the movie at all. With a smile, she added, "Hey maybe I can get you a job at the studio too. That way, you can always be around to do my homework for me."

"Yeah." George Michael's ethics about cheating had been thoroughly corrupted by her.

Then Maeby's phone rang, and she checked it. "Oh, it's Tantamount. I better get this." She took the phone into the bathroom. It was the studio lawyer, so she told him that she got a copy of the marriage certificate. "I'm not sure when I'll be able to bring it down today." She felt too drunk to drive.

The lawyer answered, "Oh, that's okay. No rush. I actually called with some good news." He explained that they didn't need her to obtain the family's signatures after all. "Since you're emancipated, you can sign a contract like an adult. They're drawing it up now."

"Wow. So I wasn't lying after all."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"There's bad news too. That Korean kid signed to do a movie from his point of view."

"Oh no! Annyong!"

"So we gotta fast-track our movie before that other studio can get their copycat out. Can I fax the paperwork to you, so you can sign it?"

"Um, I don't know. I'm at a hotel, on--on my honeymoon now."

"Oh, you didn't have it before? Well, congratulations."

"Thanks. We packed our bags and we're going to move to L.A. Do you know any good places to live?"

"Oh, you're moving here. Good."

While Maeby and the lawyer discussed apartments and condos near Hollywood, George Michael put away his laptop and got out his own cell phone.

As he checked his messages, he finally heard his father's heartfelt apology, which considerably cheered him up.

When Maeby returned to the bedroom, George Michael played the message for her. "It really worked. He learned his lesson."

Maeby sat down and looked skeptical. "He changed his mind, just like that?"

"Yeah. I've never heard him sound so upset. Even when Mom died, he couldn't cry, and he'd always try to act strong for me." He frowned and looked a little worried. "Us leaving must have really freaked him out. I should go back and check on him."

"Go back? What are you talking about? We're moving to L.A."

"I know. But you said you had to go to work, so I can go visit my dad and make up with him. Then I'll come back and get us an apartment." Hmm, maybe his dad could help him get a wedding ring for Maeby, since she objected to his mother's wedding ring.

"You really want to see him again? Him and my dad and my mom?" She made a face of disgust.

George Michael frowned and considered the awkwardness of that reunion. "Well, um, I guess I'll call and ask to see him alone. We'll just not talk about that."

"Meet him alone? But what if it's a trap? What if your dad just apologized to lure you home, so he can kidnap you to Cabo or Phoenix?"

"No, Maeby. He can't go anywhere because he's on bail. The police would come after him. Hey, maybe that's why he's so upset. He's scared that he'll go to prison and won't see me again. Oh, poor Dad."

"No, don't go, George Michael. You--you can come with me to the studio today. Yeah, they don't mind, and we can talk to the lawyer about the marriage license. And I can get you that job. You want to be a reader, or work in special effects?"

"Wow, that would be cool!" But he let his enthusiasm simmer down. "No, maybe tomorrow. I wanna see my Dad first, okay?" He reached for his shoes and started to put them on. "I guess I'll take a cab home. Oh wait, you're drunk, so you should get a cab too." He brushed back the hair from her face and kissed her.

She didn't want to say goodbye yet, and she grabbed his arms to keep him from getting up. "No, don't leave, George Michael. Not now. It's--it's our honeymoon. If you go, he'll just talk you out of coming back."

George Michael saw that she was scared and hurt, as well as drunk. He shook his head and said, "Trust me, I'll come back. And he's really sorry, Maeby."

She still felt like he was abandoning her, and she confessed softly, "Please. I need you. I mean, it's not just the emancipation. Not just the tutoring. I--I--" In a twisted way, he was like the only family she had left.

George Michael looked in her eyes and realized that she was trying to say in her own way that she loved him too. "Maeby." He hugged her close and kissed her.

She said, "You have to stay. Husbands--husbands are supposed to stay."

He nodded. "Okay, I'll stay. But let me call him back at least. I wanna make up with him and check that he's okay."

She sighed and let go. "Fine."

As he dialed the number, Maeby grabbed a telephone book and left for the bathroom again. She looked up jewelry stores, since wedding rings would make their marriage look more official to her colleagues at the studio. She also hoped that getting the rings now would help strengthen their marital ties, since they hadn't had sex yet.

Meanwhile, George Michael called his dad.

Michael was having a lunch meeting with Gene Parmesan and giving him the birth certificates, so he was stunned and elated when he read his caller ID. He excused himself and answered the call, "George Michael!"

"Hi, Dad. I got your message. Did you really mean it? You're okay with me and Maeby?"

"Yes. Yes, I'm so sorry. I was wrong, and I don't want to lose you. I just want you to be happy, son, and I love you."

"I love you too, Dad. I'm really sorry for our fight. I didn't want to hurt you, but it's just--it was the only way to make you listen. I know you mean well, Dad, but I don't want you to keep making decisions for me. I'm growing up now."

"I know. I'm sorry." Michael still feared that 16 was too young to marry, but he would try to respect the decision for now, in hopes that George Michael would turn to him for help, should the marriage fall apart later.

George Michael asked, "So how are you doing with the trial? Any news?"

"No, not really. I just told Jan to cancel any annulment plans. But, uh, before that, I told Pop-Pop about you guys leaving, and he was angry. I'm afraid that he might do something drastic to find you, like sending a bounty hunter. So please be careful."

"Really? Oh." George Michael looked out the hotel window and wondered if Maeby hadn't been so paranoid after all, about being followed.

Michael said, "I'm sorry I told him, but it was before I realized that I was wrong. I couldn't have stopped him anyway. We've been fighting over Gangee's trial, and you kids." And Lindsay. "But look, if you need any help, just call me. I'll do what I can from here, but I can't leave town."

"We'll be careful, Dad. Thanks for the warning. But how are you? Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. But I miss you. Are you coming home?" He'd have to get a new place for them to stay, since he wasn't welcome in the model home anymore.

"No, uh, I can't, Dad. Maeby doesn't want to come back yet, and we're still moving to L.A. It's better for her studio job, and she said she was gonna get me a job too."

"Oh." Michael was disappointed. "You really want to live on your own? I mean, it was hard enough for me and your mom back in college..."

"I know, Dad, but it would be too weird going back now. Uh, don't worry about me finishing school. Maeby has to take classes to keep her movie job, anyway, so I'll probably join her. I have the whole summer to get ahead."

"So you'll still graduate?"

"Yeah, and I want to help her to graduate too, but I don't know if she wants to go to college after that. She might just stay at the studio."

"Well, at least you have some plans. But I really miss you, George Michael. I wish I could get my trial dismissed and come see you. If I did, would it be okay if I moved to L.A. too, near you guys? I mean, not in the same house I guess..." He knew that he shouldn't be that controlling.

"You want to come to L.A.?"

"Yeah, if you don't mind. You did say that you wished I could come with you guys."

"Yeah if you really accept us."

"I do. Besides, I don't want to go to Phoenix without you. I'll see if I can get some other job near you."

"That would be great, and I hope Jan can get the charges dropped soon. But, Dad, what about--?" He didn't want to bring up the awkward subject, but could see no other way around it. He lowered his voice confidentially, "I mean, I thought you were gonna stay with... you know, at the house."

"No, no. Why would I wanna stay with _that_ family, George Michael? No, I'm gonna leave them for good this time, and we can all start fresh."

"So, you're gonna, like... end it with Tobias? It's just, I don't want him to come following after you--"

Michael interrupted. "Wait, what? End what with Tobias?"

George Michael really didn't want to say it. "Your... you know, Maeby saw him leave your room that morning."

Michael couldn't understand why his son was confused by this misunderstanding. "What? George Michael, I told you, nothing happened. Don't you remember?"

George Michael answered, "I know what you told me, Dad. I guess, you just couldn't admit it, but you--you don't have to protect me anymore. Maeby told me about that romance package you went on."

"The romance--?" Michael sighed and finally remembered his talk with Maeby last year. He cursed himself for having been too distracted then to realize how she might have taken his words.

George Michael tried to be understanding. "I-I guess you were just desperate, Dad, and it, uh, started up again lately... Is that why you were against me and Maeby? 'Cause he's her dad, and--"

Michael made sure no one else was in earshot as he answered, "No! I-I didn't screw him, George Michael. I was only talking to myself, and I just meant that I-I'd sent Lindsay on a date, instead of helping Tobias, like I promised. I never--I mean, I only went to the hotel that day to keep him from finding out about my screwup. But nothing happened between us. Not then, not ever!"

"You mean, Maeby just misunderstood you? Again?"

"I know how it sounds, but please believe me, George Michael. I'm not even attracted to him, and I would never... do anything like that." Except sleep with my brother, twice. He winced and felt disgusted with himself.

George Michael on the other hand, was convinced enough to sigh in relief. "Then you didn't... there was no affair?"

"No." Michael felt guilty, and knew that he couldn't confess about GOB.

George Michael said, "Well, Maeby will be happy to hear that!"

"You think she'll believe it?"

"Um, maybe not yet. She doesn't trust you, Dad, and she didn't believe your apology either. But I'll try to convince her, and get her to at least talk to you. I mean, you guys used to be friends."

"Yeah." Michael sighed, and remembered how, when he was jealous of George Michael and his girlfriend, he kept hanging out with Maeby. Spending time with her and acting like she was his daughter. This was one truly (bleep)ed up family.

"So that's why I can't come home yet, Dad. I need to stay with her and get her to change her mind. It'll probably take awhile. We're gonna get an apartment soon."

"It sounds like a lot of work."

"Yeah, but we're happy." George Michael beamed. "We're on our honeymoon."

"That's great." Michael tried to be glad for him, but he could not get used to the idea of his son being married already. Losing his virginity, and moving away, and being all grown all up. It was just so sudden, and he was cut off from his son's life, way too soon. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you, too, Dad. But I'll call you, and tell you when we get a place. We can talk and you can tell me how your case is going. And you know, if you need me to testify for you at your trial, I'll definitely do that for you."

"Thanks. It--it would be nice to see you."

"Yeah." George Michael wished he could see his Dad right now and hug him. "Hey, I got an idea. Maybe we'll drive back for the birthday party at Stan Sitwell's. You'll be there, too, right? Or is that not your real birthday, Dad?" He still needed to get used to Lindsay and Michael not being twins.

"I-I don't know anymore. But wait, there's a birthday party at Sitwell's? I didn't hear about that."

"Well, ask Aunt Lindsay about it. She invited me and Maeby."

"Oh. Then I hope I'll get to see you there."

"Me too. Bye, Dad. I love you."

"I love you."

[I'll get back to Michael/GOB soon, as he finds a new place to live. I'll return to the the Sitwell plot with Lindsay's two birthday parties.


	13. Cravings

**This chapter's rather long, but I didn't want to break it up. And until the movie gets made, this is all the AD that I've got. A longer, more explicit version will be at Forever Fandom.**

**Reminder: George Michael left his bike by the banana stand when he met Maeby for lunch in Chapter 7. Also, in episode 301, the narrator shows the high school yearbook, highlighting six girls that GOB slept with, before focusing on who got pregnant.**

* * *

Maeby was upset when George Michael told her about his conversation with his dad. "Why would I want to go to my mom's birthday party? We moved out to get away from all of them."

"I know, b-but it's a way for me to go see my dad without, like, being alone with him. That way, you know, he can't try to kidnap me." Not that George Michael expected his dad to kidnap him anymore. He was just playing along with Maeby's paranoia.

Maeby sat down and thought it over.

"Maybe you could make up with him too," he added hopefully.

She scoffed. "Make up with him? Why should I? After he ordered us around, and insulted me!"

"But he's really sorry now, Maeby. He changed his mind about us and everything. I'm sure he'll apologize for what he said to you."

"I don't think so. Besides, he's still denying that he did anything with my dad. "

"But I believe him."

"Why? How can you trust him, after all the times he's lied to you, George Michael? And he didn't explain why my mom was drunk and screaming at him at 3AM."

Fazed for a moment, George Michael stammered for an excuse. "Um, well, that's--that's only because I forgot to ask him about that part, Maeby. I didn't want to talk anymore about Tobias."

"Right. So you just let your dad lie to you again."

"We don't know that he lied, Maeby. You said yourself that your mom didn't attack him again the next morning or try to move out of the house. So maybe they were fighting about something else, like selling the company shares."

"She was way too mad for that! She called him a bastard, and it sounded like she yanked his hair and had him on the floor. You know, like how she attacked Uncle GOB on the _Queen Mary_."

"What?"

"Oh, right. You weren't on the ship. Well I don't know how it started, but I saw my mom slap Uncle GOB, then he said something else to her, and she outright attacked him. Everybody around laughed, and Gangee had to to go break them up." (That was when Lucille gave Maeby the forms to sign.)

"Oh. Well, but you don't know what that fight was about, either. Are you saying that she caught Uncle GOB sleeping with your dad too?"

Maeby made a face. "No I guess not. But I wouldn't put anything sleazy past him, what with him sneaking around with Bland."

"Yeah." George Michael thought it over and wondered, "Hey, what if he told Lindsay about that? You know, to explain why I punched him on the yacht. Maybe your mom was defending me?" That actually made him feel a little better.

Maeby blinked and looked a little hurt. "She's never been that protective about me."

"Oh, uh, well it might be something else too." He put his arm around her comfortingly. "The point is, we don't know for sure what happened, or why your mom attacked my dad that night. If you really want to know the truth, then we can just ask her what happened. She'd tell us the truth, I bet. She already called us, and said she was happy for us."

Maeby nodded. "But we could just call her on the phone to ask her. We wouldn't have to drive back and go to her stupid birthday party."

"I guess so, but I really do want to see my dad again, Maeby. I told you, I'm worried about him. Please?"

Maeby sighed. "Are you sure you want to see him, George Michael? What if we find out that he _is_ lying, huh?"

He shrugged and said, "Look, it doesn't matter if my dad's lying about Tobias. As long as he accepts us now, then I-I don't care if he had an affair." He'd still be uncomfortable about it, but he would learn to live with it, through carefully practiced denial.

"But that's my point," she said. "How do you know that he really accepts us now, George Michael? Or that he wasn't the one to send a bounty hunter after us? You're taking his word for everything."

George Michael shook his head. "If he had sent a bounty hunter after us, then he wouldn't have told us about it; he'd want us to be caught off guard."

Maeby considered that. "But even if your dad's telling the truth, that means that Pop-Pop's got a bounty hunter after us, and it's still not safe for us to go back."

George Michael reassured her. "The bounty hunter can't kidnap us from the middle of the party! They'll be tons of people there."

"But he's a professional."

"Yeah, but then what? Pop-Pop can't force us to get an annulment. Nobody can. You said it yourself."

"Yeah," she admitted. "And we can always lie and tell them that we already consummated it." Still, Maeby was reluctant to go back. "But if we go, we'll have to get a (bleep)ing birthday present for my mom. Even if she's happy for us, I still can't stand her."

George Michael understood her reluctance. Then he had an idea. "You know what, with all the guests there, you could drum up some publicity for your movie. You know, namedrop your studio, and make some kind of announcement."

"So I'll make it all about my movie, and not her birthday? Sweet!" Maeby grinned. "Okay, let's go to the party."

"Great!" George Michael kissed her gratefully.

Maeby told him, "Hey, we should go get wedding rings now. There's a jewelry store nearby."

George Michael was surprised and anxious. "But I don't have any money with me."

She dismissed it with a wave. "That's okay. We'll just charge it on my card. Come on, we're gonna need rings when we show up at the studio in L.A. And if your dad, or Pop-Pop, really is after us, then we can show them that they can't break us up."

So they got out of bed and dressed. However, George Michael still felt that he should do the chivalrous thing and pay for Maeby's ring. "Do you think they'll take a check?" He had a bank account for his banana stand earnings.

She shrugged. "We'll find out."

Unknown to the kids, however, they were followed as they left the hotel. After Ice saw them walk into the jewelry store, he called George Sr. to report his findings.

George Sr. complained to the bounty hunter, "You let them stop at a hotel? Why didn't you just tackle them the first time you spotted them?"

"They're kids!" Besides, Ice explained, he was working off a vague description of their car at first. When he did finally spot them on the highway, he had to stay back on his motorcycle, because the kids seemed to recognize him. "She was driving like a maniac, trying to lose me. I had to let her think that she did, or we would have crashed. By the time that I found their car again, they'd already checked into the hotel and got the honeymoon suite. They've been here a while, so they must have consummated it already."

"Dammit! Now they have to get a divorce."

"Yeah, but I don't know how you'll talk them into it. Anyway, I'm not sure if they're going to stay here and have their honeymoon, so I'll put a tracking device on their car. But right now I gotta get back and work on catering Lindsay's party."

"Fine. Those smoothies had better be great!"

"Of course." Ice hung up, then went back to the hotel and slapped the tracker onto Maeby's red convertible.

* * *

At the banana stand, GOB rode up on his Segway, and Steve Holt was very happy to see his dad. GOB got rid of the strippers, then told his son that he would be getting his yacht back soon.

"That's great, Dad! Hi, Franklin."

"Hey." The puppet was riding in the pouch on his Segway. "Give me a GOB!"

So Steve made the double-dipped frozen banana, with extra nuts, for free.

GOB wanted the special banana as a way of celebrating. He practically glowed with his secret triumph in seducing Michael at last. The naughty sex was just as good as he had imagined it would be, and he only wanted more of it.

While eating the banana, GOB explained, "So Lindsay's gonna call me to let me know when I can get yacht. You can help me haul it back to the docks."

"Oh, okay. Then I'll help you move your stuffs to the model home."

"Nah, I'm not gonna live there anymore. I'm gonna stay on the yacht with Michael."

"Really, with Uncle Mike?"

"Yeah, he needs a place to stay since Dad kicked him out of the house."

"Why?"

"'Cause he thinks Michael tried to (bleep) Lindsay."

"What?!"

GOB nonchalantly explained that Lindsay was desperate for sex, and had found out she was adopted, so she wanted to divorce Tobias and marry Michael. "She thought she could convince him to marry her by having sex with him. Anyway, Michael was just trying to scare her off by going along. It worked 'cause she ran away."

"Whoa."

Some kids were attracted to the banana stand by the puppet, as they thought GOB was going to perform a show for them. However, GOB was in no mood to perform, and Franklin shooed away the brats with racist profanity.

Steve didn't mind the lack of business, because he enjoyed spending time with his father.

Finally, Lindsay called GOB to say that she had signed the yacht signed over to him. "You're gonna need money to get it out of the impound, though, so come by the office first, and I'll give you a company check."

"All right, thanks Lindsay." So GOB and Steve closed up the banana stand, stored the Segway in Steve's Camaro, and drove off.

* * *

Meanwhile, Michael arrived at Balboa Towers, and he called Buster from the parking garage. "Hey, I'm here to drop off the staircar."

"Drop off?" Buster asked, not getting very good reception. His uncle/father Oscar joined him in the living room, so Buster turned on the speakerphone.

"Yeah, 'caused Dad seemed so pissed about me having the staircar." Michael didn't particularly enjoy driving the slow and smelly staircar anyway. "Anyway, I'm waiting on a cab, now," he said as he got his bags out of the staircar. "So do you wanna come down and get the keys from me, or should I just leave them in your mailbox?"

Buster said, "No, wait. Don't leave, Michael."

Oscar added, "Yeah, come upstairs."

Michael shook his head, though they couldn't see him. "No, didn't you guys hear the news yet? Dad's kicking me out of the family."

"We know. Dad called and told us about you and Lindsay. But you don't have to go anywhere."

"Really?" Michael was a little stunned.

Buster nodded. "Dad can kick you out of the house, but he can't kick you out of the family."

"Right," Oscar said, "and Lindsay asked us to let you stay with us."

"Oh she did?" Michael could understand Lindsay feeling guilty. "And you guys don't mind?"

"No. Family first."

Buster added, "Besides, there's room here now. Lindsay said that she was getting the yacht back for GOB."

"Oh, she did, huh?" Michael pretended to act surprised. "Well good for him. But wait, if I stay with you guys, Dad will be furious with you both."

"He's always angry at us, anyway," Buster pointed out. George had never liked Buster.

Oscar nodded; George was angry with him for having the affair with Lucille, but also for having great hair.

Michael agreed with a shrug. "All right. I guess I am kind of tired, and it's late to go apartment hunting. Let me get rid of the cab, and then I'll come upstairs."

"I'll help you with your bags," Oscar said, as he left the penthouse.

Meanwhile, Buster went to the kitchen and told Lupe that Michael had arrived and was moving in now. Lupe sighed and muttered in Spanish that it was still shocking that Lindsay felt so sorry for her brother, who had apparently harbored incestuous feelings for her for years.

Buster told her not to complain, since Lindsay had agreed to pay Lupe's wages now that Lucille was in prison.

Lupe said that she would not complain in English, and she congratulated Buster for getting better in Spanish.

Buster smiled proudly; he enjoyed spending time with Lupe, without his mother's disapproval. Since rehiring Lupe, Lucille had been strict that they could never be alone and have sex again.

Downstairs, Michael called to cancel the cab that he ordered, then he walked out of the parking garage toward the entrance to the apartment building, where he thought Oscar would meet him. Just then, his cellphone rang, and the caller ID showed GOB's number. Michael didn't answer it, and he nervously shut off the phone.

* * *

The _C-word_ was now tied at the dock, and GOB climbed aboard to make sure that all his magic props were undamaged by the trip. Steve Holt unloaded the Segway, then looked around curiously, since he had not been invited to his father's new yacht before.

GOB was annoyed that Michael hadn't answered his phone, but he figured that maybe he was stuck in an argument with Dad about Lindsay. GOB put down Franklin and started to make room for Michael to move in. But then he noticed the suitcase from his girlfriend, and realized that he must move her out first. "Hey Steve, I gotta take this to my girlfriend's house."

"You have a girlfriend?" GOB had kept this information from his son as well, thinking that Steve Holt might spill the news to Maeby or George Michael.

"Yeah, drive me over there, okay?" He needed to get there and back quickly, which he couldn't do on his Segway.

"Okay, Dad."

But as they approached the Veals' house, Steve recognized it. After all, he and his campaign manager had gone over their winning strategy for the class president election at her house. Steve knew that his dad sometimes dated high school girls, but this was rather shocking. As he parked the car, he asked, "Oh my God. Wasn't she George Michael's girlfriend too?"

GOB nodded and said matter-of-factly, "Yeah, she dumped him at the beauty pageant at the Church and State Fair. But listen, Christian girlfriends are way more trouble than they're worth." It had been much like his marriage to his army wife in fact. "All chain and no ball. And even if you do convince them to (bleep) you, it's no good either. If you get one of those pregnant, they stay pregnant."

Steve's mother, of course, was one of those Christian girlfriends, and he felt rather hurt by his dad's insensitivity. But he said nothing, because he was still that needy for his father's attention.

Getting out of the car, GOB said cheerfully, "Okay, wait here. I gotta dump her now." He took the suitcase and strode up to the Veals' front door.

When GOB knocked, creepy Uncle Paul answered the door, but before GOB could speak, Uncle Paul snatched the suitcase from him. He gruffly explained that his niece was sick with a cold and that she was in fact dumping GOB, because during the fight on the yacht, GOB had just abandoned her while she was screaming.

GOB excused his cowardice. "Well, nobody was hitting her! Anyway, she could have at least gone to go get her suitcase."

"No she couldn't, because George Michael started the engine, and the jolt knocked her into the water. Nobody rescued her, or even threw her a life preserver. She never wants to see you Bluths again." Uncle Paul slammed the door shut.

GOB felt mildly insulted, but then he shrugged it off, and figured that, either way, he was rid of his annoying Christian girlfriend and all her evangelizing, chaperoning friends. So he rejoined his son in the Camaro, and they drove back to the docks.

Steve asked, "So she was living with you on the yacht?"

"Yeah," GOB said. "She'd just moved in, and I had to keep her a secret. I only dated her as a favor to Michael, anyway." Although Michael had never actually asked him for this so-called favor. "He didn't like George Michael dating her."

When they arrived at the yacht, GOB sent Steve home, and he called Michael again.

Michael had by this time turned his phone on again, and with a sigh, he went onto the balcony for privacy. He had to get this over with, or GOB would never stop bugging him. "Um, hi, GOB."

"Hey, Mikey. Where've you been?"

Michael tried not to be affected by his sexy voice. "Uh, GOB, you're alone? Steve's not with you?"

"Nope. Just me and Franklin." He sounded eager and excited. "We got the yacht all ready now. How soon can you get here?"

Michael said, "Uh, listen, GOB, I-I can't move in with you."

"Why not?"

For some reason, Michael couldn't bring himself to hurt GOB's feelings, and he let him down easy. "Well, um, because it'll look suspicious. I mean, the police already thought I was trying to escape to Cabo before, so if I go on the yacht again, then they'll think I'm trying to jump bail. So I'm just going to stay with Buster and Oscar, okay?"

GOB was not okay with that. "No, Mikey! What about our deal? When are we gonna (bleep)?"

Michael coughed in embarrassment. "Well--well, the deal was only so that you'd help me find the kids, GOB. But Steve lost them, and anyway, George Michael called me back finally and we made up. So the deal's off. Thanks anyway."

"But Michael--"

"So uh, enjoy your yacht with Franklin, and stay away from high school girls." Michael quickly hung up. GOB tried to call him back, but Michael turned off his phone again. He just hoped that GOB would give up and stop calling him soon.

* * *

That evening, while Lupe was cooking dinner, GOB dropped by the penthouse and demanded at the door, "Where's Michael?"

Michael turned around and jumped up from the couch nervously, not having considered that GOB would come see him in person.

GOB strode over with a determined look on his face, growling, "Michael!"

Michael took his arm and quickly excused themselves to the balcony.

Once Michael shut the door, GOB asked irritably, "How come you won't you answer my calls? Why won't you move in with me?"

Michael hushed him. "GOB, I told you why."

"Then why didn't you say that before, at the house? Why'd you get Lindsay to give me the yacht?" He stood closer and tried to nuzzle Michael, but his brother stepped back and hissed, "People can see us!"

There were balconies all around Balboa Towers, some of which faced theirs. Also, the curtains did not entirely block the view from inside the penthouse.

GOB pouted, then gestured to the part of the balcony that opened onto the master bedroom. "Then let's go inside, and--"

"No!" Michael did not want to be alone in a bedroom with GOB.

"What's wrong with you?" He coaxed, "Don't you want me anymore? Don't you want to have some more fun?"

Michael shook his head and stepped back again. "No, I told you. The deal's off."

"(Bleep) the deal!" GOB was becoming frustrated. "I know you liked it, Mikey. You did, and you weren't scared anymore."

"GOB, I-I was upset, and not thinking..." Meeting his eyes at last, Michael told him bluntly, "It was a mistake, and we can't do that anymore."

"Why not?"

"It's wrong."

"So?" He whined, "Come on, Mikey, I didn't get to (bleep) you yet."

Michael hushed him again. "I don't wanna talk about this anymore, GOB. Please leave. Go back to your yacht."

"Come with me."

"No! Come on, you wanted that yacht even without me there. Go enjoy it."

"Please, Mikey." Thinking he might be jealous, GOB told him, "I even dumped my girlfriend like you wanted."

Michael got annoyed with him. "That wasn't for me! That was for George Michael. And the statutory rape laws."

GOB scoffed. "Oh, you're always so worried about George Michael. You've really gotta let him go." Even though he was a lousy father, he did know that much. "You don't even care if he's happy, just as long as you can control him."

"I do care! That's why I let him stay with Maeby." In his outrage, he lashed out. "You--you're the reason why he ran away!"

"No, Maeby was. And 'cause you're always running away too."

"I mean on the yacht, when he punched you. You're a selfish bastard, GOB, and you--you never think. You're arrogant, and disgusting, and you... you drive me crazy."

Not offended at all, GOB grinned and responded sexily, "You make me crazy, too."

Michael blinked, realizing how close they stood. Avoiding GOB's touch again, Michael left the balcony and retreated the kitchen, where he tried to help Lupe with dinner.

GOB followed and stole some food, but Michael would no longer talk to him nor meet his eyes.

Buster and Oscar began asking what was wrong, and Michael quickly covered with, "He's mad at me about Lindsay."

GOB said, "No, I'm not," but did not elaborate further.

Michael made a break through the other kitchen door, slipping back into the living room and saying that he wasn't hungry now.

"Michael!" GOB started to follow him again, but Michael didn't stop, managing to get down the hall and lock himself in Buster's room.

GOB could probably pick the lock, but on the other hand, Buster and Oscar were still curiously watching and wondering what was going on, so GOB decided to give up for now. "Fine, I'll go. Goodnight, Oscar. Night, Busty."

"Bye." They remained as puzzled as ever.

So GOB left and rode back to the docks on his Segway. He would have to devise some other plan to get Michael alone. Michael could not hide out forever.

* * *

Michael eventually came out to eat dinner, and he made feeble excuses about his fight with GOB. "Just him and Egg and George Michael..." He sighed, "I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't live here. I could go find someplace else tomorrow." He did have some savings left, as well as the royalty checks from the Mr. Bananagrabber TV show, to pay rent for a while.

Buster and Oscar merely shrugged and glanced at each other, thinking that Michael was making empty threats again. He was the boy who cried Phoenix, after all.

That night, everyone went to bed, and Michael got the couch. He couldn't sleep, though, and kept thinking of GOB, who had slept on the very same couch recently. Michael remembered GOB's embrace, back in his bedroom at the model home, and his throat went dry.

So he got up and poured himself a stiff drink. But that reminded Michael of the intervention/party a couple of years ago, when they had laughed and got drunk together. GOB had even climbed onto the dining table and put Franklin's wig on his head.

Michael wondered if GOB was complaining to Franklin right now on his yacht. Or maybe he had already picked up some new girl to (bleep) to get back at Michael, or maybe he had gone back to the old one? That made Michael frown, but then again, why should he care? If GOB got arrested for statutory rape and imprisoned, that would certainly keep GOB away from him, right? Unless, of course, Michael got imprisoned too, due to his trial for embezzlement, bribery, and conspiracy. Stuck behind bars with GOB again...

Putting down the drink, Michael shook his head and decided that he needed some fresh air. He went out to the balcony, but then he recalled their fight that day. He was actually getting a little hot just thinking about it.

Rushing back inside, Michael put on his shoes and a robe over his pajamas. With his keys, he left the penthouse altogether and went downstairs to the staircar. Then he drove around town and felt miserably trapped, since he couldn't go to join George Michael in L.A. At least the local police didn't force him to wear a tracking device yet, but they surely would come after him if he violated the terms of his bail.

Michael finally parked near Balboa Island, and he went to the banana stand to brood. Then he found George Michael's bike locked up next to it, making him miss his son even more. Unlocking the bike, Michael rode out to the beach and wished for the good old days with his little son and his late wife. They should have spent more days here having fun, but Michael had spent too much time working, believing that this would earn him a full partnership in the Bluth Company. What a waste.

Michael realized gradually that he was biking out to the docks. But maybe he was just going to get a DNA sample from GOB. Just one of those sandals he wore, or some hair from his brush... Just something to prove that they weren't brothers.

Soon Michael arrived at the yacht and listened. Silence, so apparently GOB was asleep, or not there. He set down the bike and climbed aboard, but he accidentally knocked over the Segway, which GOB had secured against the circular stairs that led to the upper deck. "(Bleep)!"

Awakened by the noise, GOB got up irritably and opened the door. Then he looked pleased and stepped forward. "Mikey?"

Holding onto the stair railing, Michael began stammering an excuse for his presence, that he was looking for a tie or something that he left on the yacht when he was arrested. But seeing GOB there, standing in his robe, Michael couldn't think. He let go of the railing and kissed him passionately.

GOB enjoyed it, standing close to him in the shadow of the stairs. But after a moment, he pulled back and said with a smirk, "People could see us." Then he drew Michael inside his cabin and shut the door.

Kissing feverishly, they moved toward the bed in the darkness. It folded out from a couch, and the springs creeked with their weight. GOB still teased him, "I thought you couldn't come here."

Michael just begged, "Touch me."

GOB gladly did so, and they quickly discarded their robes on the floor. GOB was naked underneath, and Michael tackled him, hungry to feel and taste every part of his brother. GOB was pleased that Michael was less shy about blowing him this time, though he still did need some practice. He couldn't repress his gag reflex. "Uh--sorry."

"It's okay," GOB said, and pullled him up for a kiss. He finished stripping Michael naked, and they wrestled on the bed, like they had back at the model home. GOB asked, "You missed me, huh?"

"Yeah," Michael admitted breathlessly.

"And it's not a mistake?"

"No." Michael closed his eyes and smelled his brother's neck. Everything about GOB was intoxicating.

GOB thrust against Michael again, then he grasped both their erections and rubbed them exquisitely together. Michael moaned deeply and scratched his fingernails along GOB's back.

GOB kept kissing him and pumping them until they were soon panting and crying out. They made a wonderful mess.

Then Michael sighed and blinked at GOB in the faint moonlight. He still didn't know if they were flesh and blood brothers or not, but they were flesh and blood lovers now. He was so clearly and repeatedly gay for him.

GOB shifted and caressed his face. "You going to stay now, Mikey? Not run away again?"

Michael was not sure. "Buster and Uncle Oscar will wonder--"

GOB insisted, "It's too late to go now. You should stay here with me."

So Michael nodded and agreed. Maybe he'd just say that he'd gone to retrieve his son's bike, and then decided to make up with GOB about their earlier fight. He hoped that wouldn't sound suspicious at all, but he really couldn't think now.

"Michael." GOB kissed and nuzzled him, brushing his eyelashes against Michael's skin. Then he licked sensuously down his neck and slid his hands along Michael's thigh.

"Oh, GOB..." Apparently it was a family trait that they could get hard again quickly, because they did so. That should have disturbed Michael even more, but he was just too horny.

GOB growled, "I wanna (bleep) you, Mikey."

Michael was not surprised, nor scared. He didn't care how they had sex now, as long as they did. In fact, it was rather thrilling to surrender control and just trust completely in GOB's experience. He softly asked if GOB had condoms.

"Yeah, I got stuffs." So GOB got condoms and lube out of a nearby cabinet, then returned with a kiss. As he opened up Michael, he enjoyed watching and hearing all his brother's little reactions to his slick fingers. They intensely met each other's eyes, and Michael soon helped him put on a condom.

It was hot and sweaty and so so wrong, enough to make Michael climax and trigger GOB's orgasm as well.

Finally GOB pulled out, exhausted. He gently turned Michael toward him and asked if he was okay. Michael nodded breathlessly, and they lay close, nuzzling each other. GOB was immensely happy, but in no rush to leave bed and announce to Franklin proudly that he'd really (bleep)ed Michael this time. Besides, Franklin heard the whole thing anyway, from the captain's chair, where he was facing the steering controls for the yacht. Everything was peaceful in Michael's arms, and GOB was half tempted to whisper, "I love you," but he didn't want to get too girly and get made fun of.

Moonlight streamed between the blinds on the cabin windows, and the sound of the lapping water mingled with their breaths. The brothers rested for a while, and then GOB offered Michael a drink from his stocked bar.

Michael accepted and sat up slightly. Glancing at the framed photo that GOB kept by the bedside, he asked pensively, "GOB, you--you wanted to (bleep) me on Spring Break, didn't you? Wanted to--to teach me like that, back in college?"

GOB smiled and nodded. "You remember that?" He kissed Michael and shared the drink out of the same glass.

* * *

_Years ago, George Sr. bribed a Balboa High school official to let Lindsay graduate in the same year with Michael, her twin. But he shouldn't have bothered._

_After the twins went away to college, Lindsay soon dropped out and took up with various left-wing radicals. Meanwhile, Michael excelled at college, as expected, and he especially enjoyed his freedom and independence from his family. The lack of pressure and scrutiny from them gave him the confidence to start dating._

_Then during Spring Break of Michael's freshman year, GOB came to pick him up, and he showed off his new Camaro._

_Michael asked, somewhat bitterly, "Dad bought you another company car?"_

_GOB lied, "No, I won this one on Card Sharks, guy. I'd show you the episode, but Buster taped over it with some Nova special."_

_"I don't care." Michael just dumped his bags into the car. He didn't need to see GOB acting smug on a TV show, and possibly mentioning Michael by name as he gloated over winning the car._

_So they got in and drove home to Newport Beach. After a while, GOB broke the tense silence by mockingly asking if Michael was still a virgin._

_"No, I'm not! Didn't you hear? I told Lindsay already." He'd called her immediately, months ago, needing someone to be impressed by his milestone._

_Lindsay however had misunderstood Michael's confession as something private for her, not to be passed along to the family. She also acted kind of weird and moody, awkwardly saying "Congratulations," and hanging up._

_GOB answered, "Well, she didn't tell anybody else, guy. I haven't even heard from her anyway since she went off with that latest tree hugger." Privately, GOB was disappointed by Michael's news, but was determined not to let it show. He said dismissively, "So you've (bleep)ed one girl. Big deal."_

_"Three," Michael corrected him proudly. "I've slept with three girls."_

_GOB was impressed, but would not admit it. He laughed and made fun of Michael instead. "Only three?"_

_Michael blinked in confusion. "What? That's a lot. You didn't sleep with that many girls your first year." If he counted correctly, it was only about six girls all through high school. Not that he kept track of how many girls GOB had seduced._

_"Yeah, but that was high school, Michael. This is college. There's dorms full of chicks, away from their parents, and getting drunk at keggers. You can get three girls at every frat party."_

_Michael said, "You've never even been to college!"_

_"Yeah, but I've (bleep)ed tons of coeds on Spring Break. Besides, not even counting the guys in high school, Lindsay's already bagged more guys in college than you."_

_Michael felt annoyed at GOB for bursting his bubble. "Well yeah, because she wasn't a virgin anymore." He shrugged and tried to regain his confidence. "Anyway, Lindsay dropped out of college, so she has time to (bleep) every guy. Unlike her, I take my education seriously."_

_"Yeah, you take it too seriously, and that's why you've only slept with three women! I mean, it's Spring Break right now, but Dad told me that you're gonna spend it working at the Bluth Company."_

_"Right. What's wrong with that?"_

_"Why would you wanna spend Spring Break working for Dad? You spent all your summers at the banana stand, and now you wanna waste your Spring Break too?"_

_"This is important, GOB. I'm not working at the banana stand anymore; I'm working at the Bluth Company. I need to learn about the business, for when I take over someday."_

_GOB pouted at being passed over, and he tried to get Michael to blow it off. "No, you need to learn how to have relax. Let's go to the beach and have some fun instead."_

_"Fun?" He couldn't imagine having fun with GOB._

_"Yeah, it's the opposite of what you usually do." GOB kept offering to take Michael out, and help him hook up with some wild girls on Spring Break. "You can try to catch up to me."_

_"It's not a competition, GOB, and we're not teenagers anymore."_

_"Of course it's not a competition, because if it were, you'd lose, guy. Just like you lost the election for class president to me." He laughed._

_Michael pouted, but he was not going to give GOB the satisfaction of a response._

_GOB continued, "But anyway, no, this is about me trying to help you, Michael. Just like when I used to help Buster when we were little."_

_"You mean when you bullied Buster, and called him a chicken?"_

_"Yeah. It got him to go on the slide and the monkey bars, right? So I can teach you not to be afraid of girls."_

_"I'm not afraid of girls."_

_"Yes, you are! You've only (bleep)ed three girls." As they arrived at a bus station in town, GOB even pulled over the car, so that he could get out and do his chicken dance._

_"GOB, stop it!" Then Michael got the idea to move to the driver's seat and go, leaving GOB behind._

_But GOB quickly reached into the window and fought with him for the keys. Then he said, "Come on, Michael. I can help you. I can show you how to pick up girls."_

_"I already know all about your 'car trouble' routine from high school."_

_"Yeah, but I got better moves now. I got some great illusions to attract the honeys. Here, I'll show you." He pointed to a hot babe getting off the bus, and Michael recognized her as Tracy, his dream girl from school._

_Tracy was also home for Spring Break, and was lugging her bags with her._

_GOB started to go hit on her, but Michael stopped him and got out of the car. "No!"_

_Michael went over himself, and said, "Hi, Tracy."_

_She didn't recognize him._

_"I'm Michael Bluth. We went to Balboa High together."_

_"Bluth? You're GOB's baby brother?"_

_Michael blushed. "No, that was Buster. He wore glasses. I didn't."_

_Then she laughed, finally remembering him. "Oh, you! You were in that play, the Trial of Captain Hook."_

_"Yeah." He looked somewhat embarrassed, but shrugged it off shyly. "It was an English credit."_

_She said, kindly, "Well, you looked good in green." And he had definitely grown up nicely._

_"Thanks. Can I help you with those?" He helped her with her bags, and she explained that she was waiting for her mom to pick her up from the station. They went over to a bench to sit down, and he said he would keep her company until her mom arrived._

_GOB was stunned, watching them intently as they chatted about high school and college life. He leaned on the Camaro and realized that Michael had indeed grown up, finding a new confidence that he had not had when they were kids._

_When Tracy's mother pulled up in her car, Michael finally worked up the nerve to ask out Tracy. She said yes and gave him her number. She waved goodbye as her mom drove away._

_Then Michael returned to the Camaro, feeling elated and even joking, "I'm surprised you didn't drive off without me."_

_GOB said irritably, "You'll never (bleep) her. She's way out of your league."_

_Michael was offended. "Oh, like you would know! You just trick girls to sleep with you."_

_GOB said, "You don't even have a car. She--she just saw you get out of my Camaro and assumed that it was yours."_

_"No, she didn't." Still, his confidence was shaken. Michael said, "Well, since you've got this Camaro, you don't need any of your old company cars now. Let me use one of those."_

_"Why? You can go embarrass yourself with your bike."_

_"GOB, come on! You're such a jerk. I knew you didn't mean it when you said you wanted to help me."_

_Hurt, GOB reluctantly said, "Fine. You can have my old car from last year."  
_

_"Yeah?"_

_GOB nodded and swallowed. "'Cause you're my brother."_

_"Thanks!" Michael smiled and impulsively hugged him._

_GOB squeezed him tight and lingered for a while. It had been too long since he'd felt Michael this close to him._

_After a moment, Michael pulled back and looked slightly puzzled by his brother's behavior. He repeated his thanks, then got back into the car. GOB got in and started the engine again. As they drove on, he started giving Michael advice for his date with Tracy. Michael intended to ignore all of it as sleazy and dishonest, but he humored GOB by pretending to listen. GOB wanted so much to teach Michael things, to have him be impressed._

_They drove home to see the rest of their family and unload Michael's bags. When Michael went on his date that night, GOB secretly followed him in the Camaro._

_He watched them flirting and enjoying themselves, even though Michael was doing everything wrong, not using any of GOB's recommended moves. So he wouldn't even feel grateful or impressed or ask GOB for more advice tonight._

_Finally GOB frowned sadly and left. He missed Michael intensely. He hadn't seen him much since high school, and he wanted to spend time with him again. Wanted to have one of their tumbling, wrestling fights again. GOB waited up for his brother and drank for much of the time._

_Michael didn't actually sleep with Tracy that night, but he didn't care when GOB teased him about it once he got home. He was just so happy that she had kissed him goodnight and agreed to a second date. Michael asked if he could keep using the car, and GOB was tempted to say no, but he couldn't resist the look in Michael's eyes. He said, "okay," then enjoyed another hug from Michael._

_"You're a good brother."_

_GOB said nothing and smelled his brother's hair._

_Michael blinked, but he could smell the alcohol on his breath, so he figured that GOB was just drunk. "Thanks. Goodnight."_

_Michael and Tracy slept together the next night, partly because she was feeling a little wild on Spring Break, and partly because Michael was so hot._

_GOB was increasingly aware that Michael was hot too. It was crazy of him to notice it, and to feel attracted, but GOB could not help it somehow. He ached for Michael's touch, no matter how wrong it was. GOB realized that the only factors holding Michael back from success with more lovers were his occasional shyness, his goofy haircut, and his obsessive focus on work. GOB was jealous of his brother, but not because of their sibling rivalry anymore; it was because he wanted Michael to himself._

_When Michael returned from his second date, he told GOB with a grin that he had now slept with four women. GOB tried to undermine his milestone again, but Michael still glowed about it. Even if the number was supposedly low, Tracy was more than a number to him. She was his dream girl._

_Michael continued dating her over the two-week break, even ignoring George Sr.'s complaints that he wasn't concentrating on the business properly. When their holiday came to an end, Tracy gave Michael her phone number at her college, and Michael asked to keep the car, so he could visit her at her college._

_GOB agreed only because he thought the fling surely would not last beyond the break. They'd get tired of each other and drift apart, surely. So after a while, GOB drove up to visit Michael at college, but Michael was still dating Tracy._

_GOB was surprised that Michael wasn't even cheating on her. "You've only slept with four women, guy!"_

_Michael said with a smile, "I know, GOB," and insisted that he was perfectly happy with that number._

_GOB kept dropping by for visits, and he always acted shocked that Michael wasn't playing the field. To humor GOB, Michael spent some time with his brother, and even attended some of his magic shows, but he stubbornly refused any offers to pick up other girls. GOB tried to accept this limited contact with Michael, but he often tried to provoke fights as well, hoping they would wrestle and tumble once more._

_The fighting got even worse that summer, as Michael and Tracy spent almost all their free time together. And then when Michael got careless about birth control, Tracy got pregnant. After the initial panic, they decided to get married._

* * *

Now Michael understood that GOB's behavior back then stemmed from his illicit lust and jealousy. When he found out, George Sr. had strongly urged Michael not to marry Tracy just because he'd knocked her up, (because it seemed too much like how Lucille had tricked him into marriage). GOB had agreed with Dad, implying that Michael only wanted to marry her because he had to. Michael got mad, assuming that GOB was just being sleazy, as well as sucking up to Dad. But maybe it had nothing to do with Dad, and had everything to do with wanting Michael.

Thinking of his wedding, Michael asked, "GOB, did you set Tracy's hair on fire on purpose?"

GOB replied, "No, Mikey. I was trying to impress you with my illusion."

Michael took another drink, and recalled that GOB had let a fireball off at his wedding to Rita too, accidentally setting Tobias's hair plugs on fire. However, his illusion for Rita did not harm her at all. So he shrugged off the suspicion. "Okay. But you did--you did want me when you offered that hooker to me?"

"Nellie? Yeah."

Michael clarified, "No, I meant, when I asked you to witness my wedding with Rita."

"Yeah, Mikey." GOB smiled and kissed him. "I-I wanted to do more than watch." He leaned close and whispered all the dirty things he wanted to do.

It turned Michael on again, and he put down the glass on the bedside table. With a kiss, they embraced and made love again.


	14. A Tricky Grey Area

**Previously, the police arrested Michael before he and George Michael could escape on the yacht. Lucille is still in jail, but Michael is out on bail, and forbidden from leaving town. George Sr. is living in the model home, and is mad at Michael for various reasons. Stan Sitwell has managed to make himself the Bluth Company's CEO, and Lindsay the president, in order to get closer to her; he has also promised her a lavish birthday party and is using Tobias as a mole to inform him of George's schemes. Lucille 2 is still dating Sitwell, but is also helping Buster, now that his mother is gone. Buster is now living with Oscar, and spending more time with Lupe. Michael wanted the kids to get an annulment, but has since changed his mind out of guilt. George Michael and Maeby found out that they are emancipated, so they left town together. Tobias went to an audition and is trying to find the kids in L.A. They are not there yet because they stopped at a hotel on the way. Michael and GOB had sex, and he almost slept with Lindsay, too, but ended up scaring her off. Michael is hoping that he and GOB are not related, and has hired Gene Parmesan to investigate possible adoptions. GOB broke up with his girlfriend, and got his yacht back from the police impound. After resisting for a while, Michael snuck out to see GOB on the yacht.**

**So now let's get on to the new stuff. I guess this George Michael/Maeby part should have been in the last chapter, but it was already too long. Now it's made this one too long to include Lindsay's two birthday parties. Well, I'll get to those soon.**

**Anyway, George Michael and Maeby went to the jewelry store at about the same time that Michael arrived at the penthouse. Let's say that once Michael turned his cellphone on again, he didn't listen to all his voicemails, because most of them were from GOB, nagging him to come to the yacht. So Michael didn't notice a missed call from his son and didn't call him back that day or night.**

* * *

At the jewelry store, George Michael and Maeby picked out matching wedding bands, then walked back to the hotel together. George Michael held her hand and said, "I'll buy you a diamond later, Maeby. I promise." Even using his banana stand money, he could not afford a decent-sized diamond, so Maeby had suggested a plain gold ring without a stone.

"I told you, it doesn't matter to me, George Michael. It's just so people will know for sure that we're married, without us having to pull out the marriage certificate all the time."

"I know. I just wish I could've gotten you something as nice as my mom's ring." He squeezed her hand.

"That's okay. You don't have a credit card or anything yet. I still gotta get you a job at my studio."

"Yeah. With a job I can save up for a real ring."

Maeby was beginning to get nervous. George Michael's insistence on a real ring of course meant that he considered this a real marriage. To Maeby it was more of a useful accident, a cover story that would allow them to date; she preferred thinking of them as girlfriend and boyfriend now.

So Maeby said discouragingly, "Well, no, we should both save our money for rent and stuff. L.A.'s very expensive."

"Oh, right." George Michael sighed with disappointment. "Well, I'll just have to save up longer, I guess. I'm sorry."

"That's okay. No rush." She kissed him to change the subject. Maeby didn't want George Michael to spend money on a real wedding ring, when she wasn't sure that their marriage would actually last forever. They should wait it out a while, she felt, especially since they hadn't even had sex yet.

Once they returned to their honeymoon suite, George Michael excused himself to call his father, and to secretly ask him for Tracy's wedding ring. He wanted to surprise Maeby, and he hoped that she wouldn't object to his mother's wedding ring as she did to the engagement ring. Also, if his dad was willing to hand over the ring, that surely would be proof that he accepted their marriage now. Unfortunately, Michael didn't answer the phone, so George Michael left a voicemail message.

In the other room, Maeby phoned the movie studio to say that she definitely wouldn't come back to work until tomorrow. "I mean, as long as I paid for the whole night, we might as well use it for the night."

Her boss shrugged it off, since it was Maeby's honeymoon. "I guess so. The lawyer's still getting your work permit approved, anyway." Despite her emancipation, child labor laws still required that Maeby have a work permit, which usually required passing grades at school. "By the way, your dad came to the studio looking for you."

"Oh no. We moved out to get away from him! You didn't tell him where we are, did you?"

"No, and anyway, he didn't come to complain. He was actually bugging us for a part in the movie. He wanted to play George Bluth! So the lawyer talked him into signing a form saying that he home schooled you during that time that you missed school, and that you got great grades."

"Wow! How'd you do that?"

"Money, and we convinced him that he'll have a part as a home school teacher in the movie. So we sent Tobias home to work on his 'lines' and to read up on the state's home schooling curriculum, so he could get certified. We'll film a scene with him, and then just cut it out later."

"Great. So I'll see you at work tomorrow."

"And you'll sign all the documents and contracts, right?"

"Yeah, definitely. I'll bring George Michael too, if he needs to sign anything. Uh, he also wanted to talk about rewriting the movie script to mention our getting married."

"I guess it wouldn't hurt." Then Mort added awkwardly, "Uh, congratulations, by the way. And I'm sorry about... you know, flirting with you before. I mean, you didn't tell me your real age or anything." Mort had hinted about taking her out to dinner.

"I know. But I did remind you that you're married."

"Touché. I guess you had to keep your secrets then, just like I hope you'll keep my secrets now. Hint, hint." So far, Maeby hadn't got Mort into trouble with his wife.

"Sure," she said. "And I was wondering if George Michael could get a job at Tantamount too. Hint, hint."

"I'll see what I can do."

"He'd be good as a script reader." Then Maeby told Mort about her mother's upcoming birthday party at Stan Sitwell's estate. "We can go there and make a big publicity push for the movie."

"Yeah, that sounds great. Really build the momentum for our movie, instead of the one with that Annyong kid."

Meanwhile, George Michael ordered a romantic dinner for them, and Maeby got off the phone when the room service arrived.

Bringing the food to the couch, he lit the candles and turned down the lights in the room. "I'm glad we're staying the night."

She agreed, "Me too." Maeby was too drunk to drive, and it wouldn't be so bad to fool around again.

So they finished off the champagne bottle from before, and this made Maeby giggle anew. George Michael pulled out his laptop again and they watched his _Les Cousins Dangereux_ DVD.

This time they paid attention, and Maeby got rather turned on. The movie was much better than her sanitized American remake, and it was definitely rated R for a reason. The kids started making out on the couch, and George Michael eagerly rounded second base again.

"Oh, George Michael..." Maeby started to undress George Michael in return.

"Maeby." They slid off the couch onto the floor, where they could only hear the movie, not see it. George Michael had practically memorized the movie, of course, so he tried some moves from it.

"Oh!" She found his increasing boldness very hot and surprising.

While the sexy music played from the movie, George Michael got into her pants, then her panties.

Moaning, Maeby kissed him and kicked off her shoes, as her toes started to curl. She started to wriggle out of her pants, and her hair spread out on the rug beneath them.

Part of George Michael's brain said that maybe he should slow down, or at least pause for a moment. Instead of messing around on the rug, maybe he should do something gentlemanly, like carry her into the bedroom. However, George Michael stopped listening to his brain, diving head first into third base.

She cried out passionately and ran her fingers through his hair. George Michael was certainly no expert in oral sex, or any other kind for that matter, but she wasn't very experienced either. He made up for his lack of skills with his enthusiasm and his willingness to try anything. He also paid close attention to her verbal and nonverbal signs of approval when he did stuff right. She wriggled and squealed as he alternated between fingering her and tasting her.

Getting quite hard, George Michael stopped to undo his fly and to gaze at her now naked body. She was so beautiful. "Maeby." He kissed her and murmured, "I love you." If it made her nervous, he figured that he could claim drunkenness again.

She did not object, though, and this time she smartmouthed, "I know."

George Michael grinned, and hurried to discard the rest of his clothes as well.

Then she pulled him close again and they felt the full heat of each other, skin to skin. She was wet and opening up, and he wanted to be inside her, but he wasn't sure that she really wanted to go all the way yet. Was she just drunk? So he reminded her that they didn't have any condoms, and nervously asked, "Uh, you think we should get--um, call room service for--I mean, if we, we need some now?"

She nodded and said, "Okay."

"Yeah? Okay," he grinned in relief and delight. "Yeah, I'll--yeah." He caressed her disheveled hair, then sat up to grab the nearest phone.

She sat up too and remarked that they might as well move from the floor now. Getting off the rug, she walked into the bedroom and climbed onto the bed.

George Michael watched her appreciatively and quickly ordered the condoms before rushing to join her. They kissed and embraced on the bed, and while waiting, she started to feel him up and find out what moves could make him moan. He could hardly believe this was really happening, that they were married and about to consummate it. He felt lightheaded enough to be dreaming.

When the room service arrived, Maeby got up and put on her robe to answer the door. She hurried back to bed and handed him the pack while she slipped off her robe. After some clumsiness in tearing open the wrapper, George Michael managed to put on the condom. With kisses, he gently opened her up again, and Maeby cried out when he sank inside her. She was so wet and hot, and he paused to make sure then she was comfortable. Then Maeby clutched his back and closed her eyes as he started to thrust. She writhed and moaned as he rocked her against the mattress. He lasted for as long as he could, and called out Maeby's name when he came. This set her off, and they collapsed together.

She sighed when he slid out of her, then opened her eyes to gaze at her not-cousin, who wasn't so timid after all.

George Michael finally caught his breath and looked at her in return. "Oh, Maeby." He smiled goofily and nuzzled her. He had lost his virginity at last, to his dream girl.

They kissed some more, but began to feel cold, so he pulled the blankets over them. He took her hand and caressed her ring finger again, kissing it. Now they no longer had to lie about consummating their marriage.

She snuggled close to him and didn't even have the energy to worry about the realness of their marriage. She felt safe in his arms, rather than scared, and they cozily fell asleep together.

* * *

On the yacht the next morning, Michael awoke next to his snoring brother. Daylight seeped into the cabin, filtering through the glass at the bedside table, and he watched the shadows and light play on GOB's brown skin. Michael could never brown like that; his own skin freckled or burned most of the time. Hmm, maybe that was another clue that they weren't real brothers? He could only hope so.

Michael woke up his brother with a soft kiss.

GOB rubbed his eyes, then grinned. "Hey, Mikey."

"Hey."

"So you didn't run off, huh? I thought maybe you'd sneak away in the night."

Michael shook his head and joked, "Nope. I'm still not good at one-night stands."

GOB laughed and mussed up his hair. "Yeah, and I'd never believe a Chareth Cutestory name."

"Nope," Michael agreed. He still didn't understand his feelings for his brother, but he had decided that he didn't regret last night.

Soon GOB nuzzled Michael and asked, "So, we should go get your stuffs from the penthouse, right? 'Cause you're moving here now, and you didn't bring anything last night. Just your bike."

"Oh. Yeah, I-I guess so." He didn't feel like leaving bed just yet, though. "Actually that was George Michael's bike that he left at the banana stand."

"It was?"

"Yeah, I found it last night when I couldn't sleep and I drove around town." That reminded Michael that he'd left the staircar at Balboa Island, and he realized that they needed to get their stories straight. "Listen, GOB, we should tell Buster and Uncle Oscar that, um, I already knew the bike was there, and I went to get it. Then I decided to go see you and spend the night here, okay?"

"Okay." GOB nodded.

Michael added, "Oh, and uh, we gotta agree on what we were fighting about yesterday at the penthouse. They got suspicious 'cause I said it was about Lindsay, but you said it wasn't."

"Oh right. Well, let's say we were fighting 'cause you tried to steal my yacht."

"I didn't--!" he started to protest, but then gave in with a sigh. "Fine." Why deny it? He really did try to take the yacht to Cabo at first. "Okay, then last night I couldn't sleep because I was missing George Michael so much. And I, you know, remembered that he left his bike at the stand, so I went to get it. Then I decided to go make up with you for some reason."

"Because you were sad and wanted to cry some more," GOB suggested. "So you stayed the night."

Michael rolled his eyes, but then felt guilty, since he had quickly forgotten about his son last night, in order to indulge his lust. Still, there was no point in fighting the illicit cravings anymore; he'd just get weak and give in again.

GOB continued confidently, "Yeah, 'cause I already told Lindsay and Steve that you were crying all day yesterday."

Michael looked a little embarrassed about that, though he did indeed cry for a little while. It was a plausible excuse at the time. "But, uh, would everybody really believe that I went to you to cry again? After you made fun of me before?"

GOB admitted, "Well, it wasn't pretty during your big speech on the ship, guy... but you know, you finally stopped being a robot." Getting to taste Michael's tears had also helped to make the crying less of a turn-off. "And like I said, you came over to apologize for stealing my yacht."

Michael shrugged, "Okay, then I just broke down again I guess. So now that we've made up, I suddenly want to move in with you?"

"Yeah. It's too crowded for you to stay at Mom's place, anyway."

"But isn't there only one bed on this yacht?"

"We'll say that we're sharing, or that there's a sleeping bag upstairs."

"Are you sure it doesn't sound weird? They'll know something's going on."

"No they won't, Mikey. Come on, they don't know about us."

Michael pointed out, "Hey, everybody thinks that I almost slept with Lindsay! If they could think that, then maybe they could wonder about us too." He sighed and shook his head. "Besides, the police would still wonder why I'm on the yacht with you. They'll think I'm trying to escape."

GOB said, "Well maybe you should. Let's skip town, like I said."

"No, GOB. I told you, I don't want to disappear, especially since I just made up with George Michael. Look, maybe we can't really stay here. Maybe we have to live somewhere else."

"But I like my yacht! Don't you?"

"Frankly, I'd prefer a real kitchen and shower and everything else. I mean, you can stay if you want, GOB, but maybe I should just get an apartment of my own. You can sneak over there at night."

"No, that's no good. It'd be harder to keep us a secret."

"But--"

Before they could argue further, GOB's cellphone rang.

It was Buster, who was so worried that he didn't even greet him with "Hey, brother." "GOB, we can't find Michael anywhere. Do you know where he went?"

GOB glanced at Michael nervously. "Uh, yeah. He's right here actually."

"What? He's there?!"

Michael took the phone and tried to sound casual. "Hello."

Relaxing a little, Buster replied "Hey, brother," then asked why Michael disappeared last night. "You left all your stuff behind, even your cell phone!"

"Yeah, I'm sorry, Buster. I-I didn't mean to scare you guys. I just couldn't sleep last night, so I went to go get my son's bike that he left at the banana stand. And while I was up, I decided to go see GOB and make up with him for our fight."

"Oh. Yeah, why were you guys acting so weird last night?"

So Michael told Buster the agreed-upon cover story, while GOB added his own commentary. "Yeah, Mikey was crying all over again--the big baby!"

Michael cleared his throat. "Anyway, I stayed the night here, and now I'm gonna move in with him."

"Really? On the yacht?' Buster sounded incredulous.

Michael improvised, "Uh, yeah. I just feel like a change. I'll come back to the penthouse later and get my stuff, okay?"

"Okay." Buster still sounded confused, but since Michael had apparently cried so much, maybe he was very depressed, and that was causing his erratic behavior.

"Thanks. Bye."

"Bye, brothers."

Michael hung up in relief and put down the phone. "You didn't have to call me a baby, you know."

GOB shrugged, then smiled flirtatiously. "You want me to make it up to you?" He leaned close for a kiss.

Michael gave in for now, though in the back of his mind he was still wondering whether Buster suspected anything inappropriate between them.

They were still embracing when they suddenly heard a noise outside.

Running down the docks, Steve Holt loudly announced himself as usual, and called out as he climbed aboard, "Dad? Dad!"

"Oh my God!" Michael quietly exclaimed. He panicked, lying down and pulling the blanket over his nakedness.

"Don't worry," GOB whispered, then got up and put on a robe. "Just a minute!" he called out to Steve.

"Okay, Dad." He stopped knocking on the door, but he commented on the mess he found--the knocked over Segway, and the bicycle lying on the pier. "Hey, Dad, what happened here? Is this George Michael's bike out front? Did he come back from L.A.?" Preferably with Maeby. Steve Holt kind of missed her, and hoped that she was reconsidering her marriage.

After concealing Michael's scattered clothes, GOB stepped outside and closed the cabin door after him. "Uh, no, he didn't come back. Michael just biked over here last night 'cause we had a fight before, and he wanted to make up."

"Uncle Mike?" Steve was surprised. "Hey, Uncle Buster was looking for him."

"Yeah we just talked to him. Did he call you earlier?"

Steve explained, "Actually, I tried calling Uncle Mike's phone, and Uncle Buster answered it, saying that he couldn't find Uncle Mike anywhere. He was very worried and hoped that Uncle Mike didn't run away with the staircar, or that the police would catch him."

"Nope. Wait, why were you calling Michael?" GOB wondered if Michael was trying to steal his son again.

Steve Holt answered, "Well I thought he'd moved in with you yesterday, and I was calling to see if you guys wanted to go to the beach today. But Uncle Buster told me that Uncle Mike didn't move in after all." Steve was confused. "But now he's here, without his phone?"

"Uh, yeah. He forgot it 'cause he was so sad about George Michael being gone. Now he's changed his mind again, and he's gonna stay with me. You can help us move his stuffs over here."

"Okay, Dad."

"And next time, call my phone before you come over here, okay?"

Steve said, "But when I call you, Dad, you don't answer all the time. That's why I tried calling Uncle Mike first."

"Oh. Right." GOB shrugged off his parental neglect. "Well, then, don't come over so early in the morning."

"It's 8:30," Steve said.

"Yeah, too early. Michael's still asleep right now."

"Okay, I'm sorry. Hey, Dad, why didn't Uncle Mike move in with you yesterday? How come he was staying with Buster and Oscar?"

"Oh, he said that he was worried that the cops would think he was escaping. But never mind now. Can you go to your car and wait for us? I'll wake up Michael, and we'll go to the penthouse."

"Okay, Dad. Then we can all go to the beach today, right?"

"Sure. Whatever."

After Steve left, GOB went back inside. He told Michael that everything was fine now.

"Are you sure he wasn't suspicious?"

"Yeah, Mikey. Don't you trust me?"

Michael's heart was still racing. "It's just--what if that had been the police, or somebody else who didn't knock? We could have been caught."

"No, 'cause I locked the door last night."

"Oh good. Well, we have to always remember that, and keep the blinds shut, and I-I have to get my phone." He sat up in bed and looked for his clothes.

GOB helped him, and lightly teased Michael for walking a little funny when he stood up. Michael worried and felt self-conscious, but GOB told him, "If anybody notices, we can say that you fell on your bike weird, or something, in the dark last night."

"Okay." Michael relaxed again. "Yeah, since it's George Michael's bike, not mine, maybe I didn't adjust it properly and hurt myself."

So they both cleaned up and dressed, even though Michael only had his pajamas and robe. Then they went to meet Steve, and Michael explained that he had left the staircar at Balboa Island. So Steve drove them there, then GOB and Michael both got into the staircar and drove it the rest of the way, with Steve following.

* * *

At the penthouse, they went upstairs to pack Michael's bags, and return the keys to the staircar. Michael also changed his clothes and checked his phone messages. When he heard his son's voice, he felt guilty again.

The voicemail said, "Dad, Maeby and I bought rings today, but I couldn't afford to get her a diamond, so I thought, maybe you could get me Mom's wedding ring to give to her. Do you mind? Not the engagement ring, 'cause Maeby doesn't like that I used it as a pre-pre-engagement ring before. So I'm gonna try to surprise her with Mom's wedding ring instead, and hope she likes that. Is it okay with you, Dad? If it is, maybe you could bring it to Lindsay's birthday party on Saturday, so I can get it from you then. Let me know. Thanks. It's George Michael."

When Michael called his son back, he said, "Oh, hi Dad! You got my message?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't call you back sooner. You want your mother's wedding ring?"

"Uh yeah. Do you mind?"

Despite Michael's reservations, he replied out of guilt, "No, that's fine with me, buddy. She's--she's your wife now. I'll just have to get it out and make sure that Lindsay didn't try to steal it to wear on her toe too."

"Thanks, Dad. I'm so glad that you're happy for us!"

"I'm very happy for you," but he spoke with a twinge of sadness, "I just wish could be there to see you, you know. Uh, how are you guys doing now? Haven't run into Pop-Pop's bounty hunter yet?"

George Michael laughed, "No, not yet. We're at Maeby's studio in L.A. already. She's talking to her boss right now--I guess signing some stuff and getting me a job here. Then I'm going to go get us an apartment, so we can move in today. Otherwise we'll have to check into another hotel."

"Sounds good," Michael said. "Let me know when you settle in."

"Sure, Dad. And I'll see you at the party Saturday."

"Yeah, see you."

"Bye, Dad. I love you."

"I love you, too." He hung up and sighed sadly.

"Mikey, what's taking you so long?" GOB called at the door.

"I'm coming!" he answered, then came out of the bathroom. They said bye to Buster and Oscar, then left with Steve Holt.

After putting Michael's bags in the Camaro, GOB sat in the backseat with Michael while Steve drove them back to the docks. They brought Michael's bags to the yacht, then Steve wanted them all to go to the beach.

GOB wanted to refuse, but Steve looked hurt and insisted, "Come on, it will cheer up Uncle Mike, so he won't cry anymore."

Michael said, "All right," over GOB's protest. "Uh, can you wait outside, Steve? Let me put on some sunblock and, uh, look for a beach towel."

"Okay."

When they were alone, GOB whined in a low voice, "Mikey, come on, we should get rid of him."

Michael shook his head. "He's your son, and you promised him already. Besides, we don't want him to get suspicious, GOB. Just for a couple of hours, then we'll have lunch and tell him that I have to meet my lawyer or something."

"Fine. Then we send him home!"

"Or to hang out with some of his school friends. Come on, let's go." Michael gave GOB a brief kiss, before they gathered their beach stuff, to join Steve Holt.


End file.
